Hi @Decadian
MIL is travelling with us from Aus .... will be with us for the whole trip .... mixed blessing ....
Having her with us means there is someone else to stay at "home" with D2 when I want to go out for a walk. Mostly the accommodation we are in is two-people to a room, so D2 being with MIL means that S2 and D3 can be independent of acting as carers for her, and WH and I can share a room.
While WH is in this mindset, and MIL shares that mindset to some degree .... there's an "if you can't fight them, and least let them go off together and do their own thing leaving you free to do your own thing with the kids who are not in that mindset" goin' on ....
She can't really come between us any more than she already has, cos the e.d. mindset opened the door to that .... he held her in a different place before all this even though what she has got now is not only what she wanted, it's also what she felt entitled to .... she lost one parent at 11yo, and the other spent the rest of her kids' childhood as a war widow trying to eake out a living in war-torn Europe ... Having married at 14 (MIL's mum that is) and her own mum affected by grief .... the loss of sons in the wars (WWII and civil war following) .... who was doing the role-model parenting ? Who was showing how to be a spouse ? MIL's hubby was a philanderer from the get-go .... how was she ever to know how a marriage relationship is supposed to work ? She just believes she is entitled to share he son with me ....
WH and I had a much better balance than this, albeit around his former workaholism, but as I am not in full support of his e.d. behaviours and she is .... of course she is his favoured choice of company, although he may not even be processing it that way .... his thinking has become so black and white that he is probably just viewing it from the practicality of who wants to do what during this trip, and finding that his choices align with MIL's more often than mine (and yes ... what a surprise ... she is choosing to do what she knows he would like to do ahead of him .... leaving the door open for the two of them to branch off ...) and y'know what ? It's too big to fight all this ....
Going with the flow, while I can't change anything without major life-altering consequences for all of us, means we all get to travel and see and do things that we want to, like house-sharing adults .... and that will do for now. It's all part of living with the e.d. till he wakes up or crashes.
His vision hasn't improved ... confusing him as to why not .... :face_with_rolling_eyes: .... but there is go .... has to hold his fingers under warm water very time we have been out in the cold to get warmth and colour back into them .... and toes too if we have been out long enough or its cold enough .... and still can't sleep properly .... and even after I put up with 25 years of him snoring like a freight-train, any light snoring from me disturbs him enough to be sleep-deprived on top of exercise and diet exhausted ....
So ... rather than focussing my attention on the e.d. ... which is a real attention-hussy .... or MIL .... another attention-hussy .... I am focussing my attention on my relationship with the kids, and beautiful old-world Europe .... which I am privileged to be able to tour this way ... and just walking along with the rest in the background for the moment.
Its a wonderful distraction .... the best, probably .... I'm truly blessed in that ....and tuned out to the grief most of the time ....
💗💕
