Far and Away

@Zoe7 🤗💕

Emelia

Dearest @Zoe7 ..... something I have not voiced on this thread, and I voiced only feebly when I first arrived here, was how much my s2bx had infiltrated all of my technological devices ...... tracking my car, tracking my phone, cameras in the house, dared images, texts, email hacking ... and probably more than I have realised.

I was afraid when I came onto the forums that he would find me here, and use things I wrote against me in legal ways, so from the beginning I have shared my more critical information quite deliberately across several threads, and occasionally on more obscure ones, much like tearing up a letter and dropping pieces in different bins in different suburbs, a d even pieces into the river. I have been careful about posting on actual dates, so someone as nasty as he is would have to go right across the forums to try to thread enough together to even start to try to identify me.

I had hoped you would find my divorce mention before I was brave enough to mention it on this thread, owing to the time association it could have created, because I was so excited that one aspect of our huge, tangled web of mess was coming clean, and that I could ever so quietly begin to celebrate at least that stepping stone. It wasn't in any way to devalue or exclude you in my thinking, but speaking up as you have now tells me that that is how it affected you, regardless, and for that I am so sorry. It was never my intention, and I clearly placed too much expectation on you to find it, and understand where I was coming from .... 😔

This has been my main thread here, and I have tagged you to my main thread on the Carers side, and maybe it's part of my now-ongoing trust issues that I still haven't felt safe to post all my news in only one or two threads here ...... although once we get over the big hurdles and close our legal cases for good, I will be able to.

There is more information I would like to share, but together with the divorce info, it's too identifying for anyone who could be threading pieces of my "letter" together.

I hope you will forgive me @Zoe7 and stay. You mean the world to me, as you do to so many here, and I hope to re-engender your trust in the power of our friendship. Just knowing you are here, and so truly believe in me has been the wind beneath my wings.

I have been gutted by the news of your health test outcomes and feel completely inadequate to do anything to support you other than just to be here, listening, praying for you, lighting a candle every day, and waiting for postive outcomes for you that I truly want to be, and soon ......

Hugs and hugs and hugs and hugs ...... ❤️🦋🌹💞

I understand @Faith-and-Hope 😥 You have to look after your privacy and safety first. You do not need to be sorry for protecting yourself and please do not feel pressured to reveal more than you can at this time - your safety is paramount. I would never want you to feel in a position that any of those pieces could be put together and I am sorry I did not see beyond my own insecurities to understand what you wrote elsewhere was in protecting yourself.

Please give me time - I am feeling very much beaten right now and do not know what is to come for me. I go back to the sleep clinic next week and see the cardiologist in 2 weeks who specialises in cardiac devices and heart failure.

I am supposed to be getting a new kitten in 4 weeks but am very fearful that once I see the specialist it is going to change a lot in my life. My GP is the only one that knows presently what is going on but that will no doubt change once I have seen the specialist because I am certainly not going to be able to do it all on my own. Hoping for a good outcome but very concerned about what my doctor has implied.

@Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope

You are both in my thoughts. Much love and hugs to you both 🤗💜

I have a new phone @Zoe7, which I have divorced 😆 from my old one, so I am having to slowly relocate my favourite images and install them in this one .....

I know it is reeeeeaaaally hard, but try not to overthink it. I say that with much love. I have a girlfriend here who has a heart-support-device and she is doing really well, and has for a long time. The thought is scary, but the reality may turn out to be more okay than it might seem right now.

❤️🦋🌹💞🙏

❤️ @Snowie .....

I feel really selfish with all you are dealing with @Faith-and-Hope 😥 I so much wish I could change it all for you and would give anything to do so 💕 I myself was not worrying too much about my health until they transferred me to this cardiologist - the reality of it has definitely set in after hearing that and having a longer conversation with my GP this week.

@Faith-and-Hope and others here.... This is Clover - I so hope I can still get her...

I wish I could be there holding your hand through it all @Zoe7 .....

So some virtual friendship bracelets will have to do ...... and from everyone here I' guessin'.....

Hugs, hugs n more hugs ❣️

And self-care is not at all selfish @Zoe7. It's necessary. It's the "apply your own oxygen mask first" principle.

Waiting for the image of Clover .....