Far and Away

Sorry to hear you have to go through all of this @Faith-and-Hope

Lots and lots of love and hugs hon 💜💜

Thank you @Snowie .... 💕💕💕

Its okay @Emelia8 ..... you couldn't have understood the bigger picture unless I told you, so on the basis of what you knew, you were right. There is no value in brownie points, or revenge, or anything else that might cause me to want to stay stuck in that horrible place where he can still affect me. His nastiness is such that he designed it before he left that he could continue to inflict misery and prevent me from moving on while he flaunted his new life all over me ..... he thought. His plans are coming unstuck by degrees, and I have to help them along by filing through any guyropes I come across in the process.

@Faith-and-Hope

Yes it does matter what the kids think.

If they get the wrong idea it messes up the family more and may be hard to fix. It was what happened to me. I dont know how, but somehow I have managed to live with it. It is more of my grief. Re-read an email from my daughter last night. She is doing well and fighting the good fight against Covid. I reassure myself with that and mourn the family that could have been.

Take Good care of you and kids.

Thank you @Angels333

Thank you so much for your understanding @Appleblossom ..... it has caused an awful lot of grief already in our processes, but I am hopeful that the kids are working it out. Hopefully life experiences will help things along too, bearing in mind that he has untreated addictions and what appeared to be a fairly major eating disorder.

I am so sorry for your own circumstances. Knowing a fair amount of your history from the time we have been here on the forums together, I believe you have made substantial changes to traumatic family history patterns, which can only help the kids in the longer term. My s2bx has ear-trauma for generations in his background so it stands to reason that he also wasn't well. As young as I was when we married, and without similar family dysfunctional relationships (all families have them in different forms and dilutions) I didn't recognise the red flags ...... and his workaholism kept me believing it was "only" the rest of the family. Turns out he's the worst of the lot, but without having known that I am treasuring some memories, then like you, forging a new path.

Hugs n hugs Hon ..... ❤️❤️❤️

I am so pleased you have treated yourself @Faith-and-Hope Who would have imagined you would have gone through all that you have in the last year (and years before that) - can't quite believe it is a year already Hon. You have certainly been in the washing machine for all this over that time and you both deserve and need both some answers and some respite from all that s2bx has put you through. The emotional and financial abuse has been going on for a very long time but there will be an end to all this because - as you say - he can't hide everything for ever, the lies, the deceit, the abuse is (slowly) rearing it's head. Part of that is indeed your kids, family and friends knowing exactly what he has done (is doing) and put you through (to the extent you want it known) because the lies, deceit and nastiness that he has presented as this 'new' self affects you all. You deserve all that you can get out of this and the ongoing freedom to be who you want to be and do what you like. To never see or hear from him again would be great but you of course will always be tied to him with D2 (and the other baby dragons) so it is even more imperative that you both have the answers you need and everyone around you know the real facts and can support you. This kind of behaviour and abuse can only flourish if it is left to do so and you taking a stand against it and reclaiming your life is both courageous and inspiring. It is tough but you are tougher and I really do hope the life you get to live at the end of all this is the one you dream it could be. Hugs and hugs and hugs

Thank you @Zoe7 ..... 😔

There is still so much the kids can't hear, or don't want to believe ..... but if the literature and experts are correct, he will be his own undoing, and in a repeated pattern. That will take time to achieve, and in the meantime I have to fill my life with as much other distraction as I can, because he will be grand-standing, invalidating, sneering and trying to inflict whatever vindictive damage he can all along the way, until he can't any more.

The challenge will be in finding the balance between raising a shield, ignoring what is happening on the other side of that shield, and throwing back over the shield anything that gets through it ..... undoing the lies and deception is part of throwing that crap back over to his side of things and exposing it for what it is in the process.

You will find that balance @Faith-and-Hope and the kids will also find their own way in time. He will not be able to keep up the facade for ever - especially when the lies and deceit begin to emerge. He will fall over himself trying to cover all that up and in doing so will be shown for exactly who he is. As we have always said Hon - you have truth on your side and that is both a powerful ally and your best friend. It is also somewhere you can comfortably sit knowing what is real and what he has fabricated - so stay the course, as hard as that may be at times, because you are so much better than he is and so deserving of that truth being known.

ps - will need to start getting the spare room ready I hear ...for your eventual trip to Tassie 😘👍

😏👍 @Zoe7 ..... when the going gets tough, the care and encouragement I receive here means the world ..... ❣️

Thank you so much everybody .....

@Faith-and-Hope 💛🧡💖💙💚💜

I took a leaf out of your book and treated myself to some mini apple danishes tonight @Faith-and-Hope I have eaten half and will have the rest for breakfast ...so a double treat 😁

I do not have any appointments tomorrow now as I don't need to go to the community nurse so I can have a day to myself. I am very much hoping the weather is okay so I can get outside with Tobes and Cat. I know I still need to be careful with my hand but it would be nice to do a little weeding. I got the backyard mowed late before it got dark (only need one hand to push the mower). It was not very long so did not take much time - so would be nice to be out there tomorrow with that already done, soak in some sun and play with Tobes.

I have made a time on Thursday after school to visit a friend from last year's school too. We have been trying to catch up all year but with covid and our respective meetings schedules it hasn't happened - so whilst I have a chance I am going to take it. It will be good to see her and also good for me to do something other than home and work Tobes will be at the vet so it will take my mind off that too.

How is your evening going?