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Unknown userMember
I thought I'd start a discussion where we can check in with members and use this space to keep in contact. It's a space to be able to say how you really feel and it's a space for the good, the bad and the ugly moments in our lives.
In response to: Just checking in.
Unknown userMember
By the way @utopia - how was your day?
In response to: Just checking in.
Shaz51Senior Contributor
How are you today @Former-Member
on a break now xoxo which is good
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
Unknown userMember
Hi @Shaz51 - hope your day was good 💕 What are your plans for New Year's Eve @Former-Member
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
Unknown userMember
Sounds like a lovely way to spend New Years Eve @Former-Member. I hope you have a great night. It's good you had some moments of peace amongst the drama but it must get so wearing. I guess you feel like you are on high alert 24/7.
Ive been thinking about your question of abandonment, I saw you posted it the other day on a post. I think your daughter still sees the abuse as familiar and at least not being abandoned. I've gone to great lengths with things I'm not proud of to avoid abandonment. I didn't grow up in a nurturing family but one that I knew loved me although they never showed it. And I didn't suffer abuse so I can only imagine some of my traits amplified for her because of the abuse. It seems so unfair that she had to experience it all. I still have hope for you that she will pull through @Former-Member. I hope it's sooner rather than later that she owns it and does something serious about dealing with it. My s3 is a ticking time bomb too. I just hope that he gets the help to diffuse it too. Part of my breakdown yesterday was still to do with the fuzzy edges of abandonment issues.
In response to: Just checking in.
utopiaSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
Unknown userMember
@Former-Member I'm on survival New Years Eve. I don't have any plans. It's has been a tricky one for me in the past. To tell the truth I'll be glad when this part of the year is over. I hope it's not alway this way but for now I'll just try to accept it is.
But I love hearing what others are doing...it's a bit of inspiration for the future.
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
Unknown userMember
Hi @Shaz51 i went to the beach today. We had a lovely day here with perfect blue skies. Have you had a relaxing day?
In response to: Just checking in.
utopiaSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
Unknown userMember
You describe me well @Former-Member - being on high alert for 24/7. My daughter can be ferocious in the morning and that same evening be laughing and okay with me. I just never know what to expect. And when she is really upset the more I try and support/console the worse she seems to get. Where I am the opposite - it really helps to calm me when someone cares enough to listen.
I sometimes feel it was unfair that my daughter suffered the way she did. I too felt that when I suffered childhood abuse - I was badly effected when young but could look after myself and did what I had too, which she has trouble with. That is what concerns me. And I would never put up with abuse as she does because of my childhood - it would make me back away fast. So I am not fully understanding her - it's like she has the Stockholm syndrome where she feels attached to the abuser/kidnapper/torturer. That really disturbs me and I try and get through to her. Just when I think I have succeeded, she makes poor choices (like contacting her ex again) and goes backwards again.
Is your son willing to talk to someone, a counsellor, about how he is feeling? @Former-Member. I find at that age they are reluctant to which makes it very hard. When you said yesterday was to do with your abandonment issues do you mean you are afraid of losing your son? I hope you don't mind me asking - I went through this and the trauma of it was soul wrenching
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
Unknown userMember
@utopia I think the bullying did effect my daughter's self esteem. Why are people so cruel? I suffered it when young - it was a catch two situation when I was young. I was being abused at home so I would act out at school ect because I didn't know how to comprehend the horror or express it (thinking it was normal), and so I carried on at school and was a bit of a ratbag, as that how it effected me adversely. But others didn't understand and so lashed out at me also. Others liked me. Ironically the main bullies became my best friends when we left school and apologised. Although one was a vicious person that I had to move away from her eventually. As everyone did with her. But I was loyal and they eventually saw that and decided to accept me.
I try to say that to my daughter - be loyal to the right people and they will love you for you. But she seems to move towards the abusers. And gets hurt over and over....
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
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