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Just checking in.

Unknown userMember19 Nov 2016, 10:49 am AEDT

Just checking in.

I thought I'd start a discussion where we can check in with members and use this space to keep in contact. It's a space to be able to say how you really feel and it's a space for the good, the bad and the ugly moments in our lives.

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In response to: Just checking in.

Shaz51Senior Contributor26 June 2019, 7:38 pm AEST

Re: Just checking in.

hello and tender hugs @Maggie , @Snowie , @Teej , @CheerBear and you too @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Just checking in.

CheerBearSenior Contributor27 June 2019, 8:05 am AEST

Re: Just checking in.

On the back of what was one of the best days I'd had in a long time, I had one of the worst I've had for a long time yesterday. I really wanted to reach out here and find some support but I was too scared to. I struggled a lot throughout the day.

It started when my kid sent me a distressed sounding message before school to let me know a news crew was at the front of their school and had approached them with a camera for an interview. They had said no and tried to get away but were scared they'd be filmed anyway. After I had spoken with kid and helped them settle down, I flipped and went into bonkers action mode. I called everyone I could think of to try and have it worked out. My feelings went totally offline and I did as much as I could to prevent them appearing on TV in their uniform. It was crackers (I was crackers). As soon as I had it as sorted out as I could, I was completely flooded with feelings. I spent the rest of the day in a giant mess trying to ride it out until I got to a counselling appointment I had planned in the afternoon.

I was scared, sad, feeling very alone and so angry. When I spoke with the news people I asked how the heck it was OK for them to film children without parent consent. I was given the most infuriating response of "it's our right to". They told me that they're not allowed to enter a school ground but that filming kids on the footpath out the front was OK. It doesn't seem OK to me at all and I'm sure it wouldn't seem OK to any one of the way too many women and children who have experienced what we have. I am baffled as to how that's OK. It makes no sense to me. Something has to change there but I don't know where to even start with that.

My fight response wanted to do bad things to the news people and my flight response wanted me to bundle my kids up and drive to the middle of nowhere to hide. It took so much to not act on either and to instead sit with it waiting for sensible brain to kick in. I completely melted in counselling and it helped a lot to sit safely in that space.

The whole day brought up my experience with having life going so well and then being taken all away in an instant. It showed me I can never get too comfortable. I felt the feelings I used to have all the time but rarely have now, and it was yuck. It also reminded me of the helpless feeling reality that no matter how much I do to protect us there will only ever be so much I can do and so much I can control, and that maybe it won't be enough. I was shattered by it all.

I felt sick waiting to see what came of it. I could see where kid had been but they'd been cut out of the footage which felt like a massive relief. I'm OK today but I have lingering sad feelings and unsettled feelings. I think I wanted to share as it sucks to live a life kind of in hiding and I don't want to hide here too like I felt I had to do yesterday.

In response to: Re: Just checking in.

TeejSenior Contributor27 June 2019, 8:45 am AEST

Re: Just checking in.

Oh @CheerBear my spidey senses went off yesterday for you. I had a feeling something wasn’t right. I’m glad you aren’t hiding here.

It sounds really big what you went through yesterday. I’m so sorry that you and yours were caught in something like this that just shouldn’t have happened. I have so many feels reading your post.

I am in fixit brain mode and so words are not coming easy (unless they can fix it :face_with_rolling_eyes: which I know they can’t). I am here listening and sending massive amounts of hugs and nest building things for comfort. 💜🤗

In response to: Re: Just checking in.

CheerBearSenior Contributor27 June 2019, 10:41 am AEST

Re: Just checking in.

@TeejI came online a few times yesterday to try and feel somewhat connected to something while everything else was a scrambled, spinning mess. I badly wanted someone to hug while I was bananas and someone to remind me that my action mode is usually pretty spot on. I'm so glad nothing came of it. I'm thinking we would have been in the middle of nowhere right now if it had 🙁 Thank you for your spidey senses and your listening eyes and hugs. They help.

I have a fix-it solution I'd love to see. It is to put all perpetrators of violence in the middle of nowhere and restrict their movements and what they do, rather than leaving people who've experienced violence to live a limited life in fear 😏 So much ugh to it all!

We have some fun stuff today as the kids are off for a PT interview thing we've just done. We've got two extras here - a big kid interstate relative and middle sized school friend who is over nearly every day (we drop them home on the way to picking up Big) but will spend the whole day here today. Mine are super excited and happy. Sun is shining and things are good really, if I stop and think about it.

I hope today has good in it for you. Thanks for being you ❤

In response to: Re: Just checking in.

Bimby2Senior Contributor27 June 2019, 11:09 am AEST

Re: Just checking in.

Good morning Teej good to hear from you. Best wishes from Bimby2.

In response to: Re: Just checking in.

TheVorticonSenior Contributor27 June 2019, 9:58 pm AEST

Re: Just checking in.

Thinking of you both, Teej and CheerBear.

Just sneaking through to drop off a box of warm blankets and soft stuffed toys for anyone who would like to use them.

In response to: Re: Just checking in.

CheerBearSenior Contributor28 June 2019, 5:43 am AEST

Re: Just checking in.

^ always up for some of them thanks 😊

Good to see you @TheVorticon (as usual, wondering how you're doing but going to leave it as that kind of open, general statement you can choose what to do with, rather than asking a question that might feel like pressure to reply to 😉)

👍😎

In response to: Re: Just checking in.

frogSenior Contributor28 June 2019, 7:17 am AEST

Re: Just checking in.

Hi @CheerBear @TheVorticon @Bimby2 @Teej @Shaz51

Oh @CheerBear I'm sorry you went through that. It sounds completely overwhelming.

I'm in big feels territory this morning. Can't get a handle on them, but I know it's to do with liffe's contradictions and being vulnerable. Not looking for answers coz there are none, but checking in here is always helpful. It's my safe space.

In response to: Re: Just checking in.

CheerBearSenior Contributor28 June 2019, 7:26 am AEST

Re: Just checking in.

Thanks @frog. Overwhelming is exactly what it was.

Big hugs for you. Where you are at is tricky territory for sure. No answers, because you're right in that there often aren't any. But lots of listening if/when it helps and some understanding that 'just checking in' can be so helpful.

With you ❤

In response to: Re: Just checking in.

ethSenior Contributor28 June 2019, 9:04 am AEST

Re: Just checking in.

Hello @CheerBear sorry to hear what you went through with such an invasion by media. Outrageous. I too would have gone ballistic on them. And I can understand what a plethora of big feelings you must have experienced because of it. Fight and flight both totally valid in that situation. It's really good that your child ended up being edited out of the footage, but so wrong that it happened in the first place. Their needs to be law around that. It makes me angry that so often the victims of a perpetrator have to change entirely the way they live their life, while the perpetrator doesn't change a thing. It's so unfair.

I'm glad to hear you had your counsellor that afternoon and that seems to have been helpful for you.

Mamma Bear stand your ground. You have a right to the life you've created for yourself and your family. More fool anyone who crosses you.

So glad you have the forums and don't have to hide here.

I only just saw your post or I would have responded sooner. Feeling really angry on your behalf.

This morning I am doing an interview for a researcher doing a PhD thesis on the effects of DV and things that can contribute to some semblance of recovery. It's been 10 years now for me and I've done lots of recovery work so I really hope I can contribute to the study in a way that is helpful for others in the long run.

Hi to you too @frog . If you have another thread and you'd like to talk please do tag me there. I'd like to get to know you better, and support you if you want support.

Take care both of you

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