Just checking in.

Your friend thing was a huge deal @CheerBear but you have handled it all so well. I think that shows just how far you have come too CB - not holding onto something that was not good for you and yet dealing with the whole situation with dignity and grace - very proud of the way you have handled all that has been thrown your way over the last few months. There has been some really tricky things (yes an understatement) that you have had to deal with and the CB I first met on here would not have been able to go through all that and come out the other side in such a good place - so well done you - super impressed

I understand what you are saying about these days feeling a lot bluer now that there are also good days. I don't think I am in a bad place right now but definitely not in a good place (that one made sense in my head too lol). I think you are entirely right - these type of days are not the end of the world and I am likely to have them - I need to remind myself that it is okay to have an 'off' day and tackle tomorrow when it comes hoping that it is better - not every day will be sunshine and rainbows after all!

I could not possibly have gone to see friend tomorrow - too much to do for the rest of the week and I know after DBT and appointments I am always super tired. I also need to do some grocery shopping tomorrow so it will be another later day for me. My GP isn't until 2.15 so won't be home before at least 3pm so it is pretty much like another work day. I also don't have the same feelings for friend that I was developing earlier on so that feeling of wanting to see him when I could has also passed - maybe that is a good thing. I know some of the things we have talked about haven't sat with me too well and he is possibly going to travel when the house is settled - so a few obstacles in the way. Not really fussed about it all to be honest - happy being back in my little bubble

I really appreciate your support too @CheerBear

You are right about the bubble - I can go back within it for now but have definitely branched out of it in a few ways recently. It is okay to go back into it as long as I don't stay there too long again and become a hermit again - that is where I feel the most comfortable but one thing both my psych and pdoc want me to work on is getting out and about more. I used to be a bit of a social butterfly and at one stage was quite a confident person - things change though and circumstances have cerytainly changed me and how I see myself as now. Part of meeting friend brought a little of that back but I am really much happier on my own where I feel safe. I think that is going to take a lot longer and a hell of a lot more work to change.

I have to do some grocery shopping in between DBT and GP tomorrow but I will have plenty of time to do that. Then I will be home to organise things for Thursday at work. I did a little of that after school today but didn't get it all finished. I also want to vaccum tomorrow - that will make me feel a little better. It is going to be a colder day again tomorrow though so I may come home and snuggle up with Toby instead - see how the day goes I guess and take it as it comes.

I am off to bed soon Hon so will say goodnight now. Thank you so much for your continued support - means the world to me CB

It is awesome to read your posts @CheerBear . Definitely puts a smile on my dial that things are going well-ish (trying not to jinx you too). I loved that you had a good one on one day with a big and smirked at the contrast between heels and jammies.

@Zoe7 I nodded my head with lots of things that resonated in your post about retreating to the safety of hermit life after the social stuff and new stuff.

I have so much going on in my brain :face_with_rolling_eyes:. I really want to share some of it but am struggling with words (and fatigue). I have my psych appointment tomorrow which I don’t know how it will go. I’m a bit scared I’ll go in circles. I’m a bit fearful of her reactions to some things too.

I just opened a letter from my job provider saying that I have an appointment next week. It means that the exemption wasn’t recorded. I am so so glad that my therapist was there via teleconference to back me up that I was granted exemption. Just so peeved that I have to chase it up. Just when I thought I could breathe from Centrelink and address the important stuff 😬.

Yeah it’s a bit of the Centrelink stuff @CheerBear and I’m scared she won’t believe me about a few things from my aha moment. I really need to get passed this next bit with her and develop that trust that I can feel. When I was writing that last post I realised how scared I am of her not understanding. I need to get to a place where I don’t feel scared about her reaction.

Sorry you had the Centrelink wonks as well. It so sucks. I couldn’t believe reading that letter from the job provider.

@CheerBear I’m going to grab a hot chocolate and try for sleep. I’m sooo tired but scared of not sleeping too :face_with_rolling_eyes:. I hope you sleep well.....and that @Zoe7 is pumping out lots of 😴 💤 too. 💜🤗

@Teej All the best for your appointment today Hon. Trust is so important when dealing with our health professionals. I hope you can talk to her about your concerns and are adequately supported.

That hermit life is what I am used to and I do enjoy being by myself more than being amongst other people. I was like that as a kid - locking myself away in my bedroom by myself so it was learnt behaviour from a young age. Spent much of my adult life on my own and it is definitely my safe place.

@CheerBear It is good that you are getting some sleep - it is so important to our daily functioning. I feel like I could sleep all day at the moment which isn't ideal for being at work. Have to get through DBT and then gp today then think I will come home to nap this afternoon. There is nothing I need to do at home that cannot wait apart from a little planning for tomorrow - but that shouldn't take too long.