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Unknown userMember
I thought I'd start a discussion where we can check in with members and use this space to keep in contact. It's a space to be able to say how you really feel and it's a space for the good, the bad and the ugly moments in our lives.
In response to: Just checking in.
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
@CheerBear
Do not worry about it.
We are from different generations and have different ways of being in the world. I think any misunderstanding was more a question of style than substance.
I explained a lot about myself and my history in my early days on the forum and connected here and there. My rawness and vulnerability was great then. I have a lot more supports in place now.
In response to: Just checking in.
Bimby2Senior Contributor
In response to: Just checking in.
Zoe7Senior Contributor
It totally sucks that the sw situation has taken yet another turn - it is not right how you have been messed about with all this Hon - grrr!
The continuing tricky with friend is emotional blackmail @CheerBear If he can't support himself and get those basic functions of life in place himself then he definitley cannot support someone else. I can so see why the red flags are going up again. He is placing undue stress on you when he should be pulling back and allowing you the space you asked for - that is not healthy for either of you. Any relationship should be based on mutual respect but he is certainly not respecting you or your feelings. This is a clear sign to me that he is crossing boundaries and not listening to you at all. I think you are very warranted in having doubts about the relationship - he is clearly only thinking about himself and not the effects his behaviour(s) have upon you.
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
CheerBearSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
Zoe7Senior Contributor
You made it clear from the outset @CheerBear that you didn't want to do the whole all in commitment thing and yet he hasn't kept to those boundaries. I think you are doing the right thing for you and your LF - it certainly can't continue on the way it has been and you do not need the emotional blackmail that he seems intent on handing out.
It is never easy ending any relationship - especially when there have been some lovely moments with him as a friend - but what he wants and what you need out of this scenario are very different. I can imagine there will be a lot of resistance from him but we are here to walk along with you. It can go one of two ways, in my opinion - he accepts this decision and moves on (the preferred scenario) or he becomes like a petulant child and pleads for you not to end it - if he does that however it will further cement in your own mind that you are doing the right thing. Standing right beside you here Hon 
I have had little contact from friend this week myself but I haven't instigated any either. I think much like you there are certain things that I can't get around and despite the fact that there are parts of him I really like thse tricky things do play on my mind. It was only ever meant to be a friendship from my end and I think he is sitting right there with me on that too now. I made it very clear that is all I wanted and we have taled about it being that all it is. Unlike your friend he is respecting those boundaries. We do have really good conversations when we have been able to get together. I know he is feeling a little like he has let me down not being able to visit me but I am honestly okay with it - I would much rather visit him - that way I can leave when I want to and I don't feel that fear that my safe place is being invaded at my own home. He did say the other day that he has become very fond of me so that was nice to hear - but with no expectations beyond the friendship - again nice to have that re-inforced.
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
CheerBearSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
Zoe7Senior Contributor
I think in your situation @CheerBear you have been feeling this ending in your heart for quite some time. I know you were wondering whether the red flags were past history related or actually red flags for this situation - it seems your gut was right in this instance Hon and despite you having reservations about whether to listen to your gut it seems like you were right to feel as you did. No end of a relationship is easy whether you feel for that person or don't - there will inevitably be sad things you feel in either scenario - that is inevitable ...but you have done the right thing for you and that is what is most important here
Yes things with friend are okay - we certainly have less contact now but with me being at work there is very little opportunities to get together as well. The nights I need to recover as I still get very tired and to be honest - meeting up with friend is low on my list of priorities. I expect to hear from him though in the next few days - we usually catch up on the weekend more when I have more time.
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
CheerBearSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
Zoe7Senior Contributor
wtg @CheerBear that is a huge thing to do. There will of course be fallout but I know you can stand your ground and look after yourself in all of this. I am so glad it feels right for you Hon - you needed to do this to get your life back on a more even keel and you have done it. Here walking with you through all this
I am going to have to head off and get some sleep but let me know how it all goes. I suspect there will be many messages coming your way over the next couple of days but that is him grieving for his loss so don't take any of them personally. Will check in with you tomorrow CB. Hugs and hugs to you Goodnight 
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
CheerBearSenior Contributor
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
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