Just checking in.

I did email right away but got no response @Teej. To be honest I feel too embarrassed to ask in case I come off dumber than I already feel. Totally not looking forward to class tomorrow! I just realised if I cannot manage this assignment, I’ve got no hope and no business being at uni. You’re right, emotions are strong at the moment. It’s not the fact I failed, it’s the fact I don’t know why.

Oh bugger @Queenie with no response. Hopefully they’ll get back to you soon. I feel like a huge hypocrite writing this but if you can find your brave maybe it won’t matter what the lecturer thinks of you, maybe it’s about taking a risk to find out where you went wrong (learning) which is probably the most important part. In my ideological world I’d hope that the lecturer would appreciate that you want to learn this and not make a judgement. I’m not sure if I’m helping @Queenie but I do understand that there would be lots of really difficult feelings just now and the awful feelings of uncertainty. I hope you get to try again with your lecturer and get another chance. loads of hugs 💜🤗

Thanks @CheerBear. I am coping better since it has happened. How is your world going? I read about the frustrating NDIS stuff. Wouldn’t it be nice if the system made to support your mental health actually did so :face_with_rolling_eyes:😬😏.

I am struggling with this part so much in that I’m trying to take steps forward. I’m trying to find my big girl pants more often but when it gets smashed it takes so much longer to get back to where I was and then another CLink bus comes along making the process so much longer and harder. Oh whinge time 😳😏. Think I’m replacing happy hour with whinge away 😉

I so hear you @Teej! It sucks to need a system/s that often seems to cause the need to be in the system/s 😖 We're not crazy - the world is! (That's what I feel sometimes at least).

I try too, always and so often get run over by some kind of bus while I'm trying and it seems to set me back ages, making me wonder why I try at all.

It's the time of the year where people are going back to uni and where I'm flooded with emails from institutions I've enquired about while doing the whole trying thing. I'm hurting so badly that I can't seem to find a way to do it and I know that with the right kind of support (that focuses on things like getting back to uni rather than things like getting the NDIS or c-link) I'd have a much better chance of getting there. It brings up so much anger and sadness and pain that I had to give it up in the way that I did. Then I go all dark and twisty and 'my world sucks and everything is too hard'.

I think I'll join you for whinge away hour 😉😆

Yeah I get those thoughts with this time of year @CheerBear. Mine have subsided a bit but for the first 5 years after d day I applied and enrolled for courses with wide eyed optimism that that would be the year it all came together. I think this year I still have a bit of that in that I enrolled in an online course but I need a brain back and I need to trust myself.

It’s all a bit sucky really. You’ll get there. I know you will, just not NOW 😉😘. And yes I feel into a very deep hole of why even try and it’s too hard as you know.

And for my next whinge i choose the category of weather ......too much of this 🌞🥵 not enough 🌧 ❄️.

The course I chose @CheerBear is just through Coursera and it is just five weeks of learning to learn :face_with_rolling_eyes:. It’s a free one but a start. My son has trying to push me into doing a course from their selection but I needed something gentle and a lead in. I hope I can. The last few days it’s not been possible but I’m going to try again.

Heat....🤔. I have no plan of how to beat it yet. I’m still at whinging about it stage. Haven’t hitwhat can I do about it yet. I do have a couple of options. My friend has a pool. I may go there and wallow like a whale for a bit or my parents house. Im not sure if I’m up to that yet.

Had a giggle at the vet nurse. I can see that happening too 😊. I think it’s probably good to have some time to get to know the new you still before making a big decision. You’ll be fabulous at whatever you choose. For the first time I have no clue about what job or study or anything but I’m actually ok sitting with that for now.

Lol with the kid dramas and school holidays. It can’t be too long left. I had forgotten that feeling of just not wanting to know what my kids were up to. Your reminder bought back that feeling pretty quick though. You have my empathy with that one. I do love that you have little scientists there.

My last whinge because whinge hour is just about over, was that today I was so scared of being a messy little panic ridden pile of slime 😜 and I had ones gf coming for tea and to stay the night. I ended up feeling human and got organised for her and then got the phone call that she wasn’t coming. I get it and understand but felt a bit bleh about it. It’s not a biggy but kind of hurt.

Best if i take my dog for a walk before I have a whinge that he is whinging too much 😜

i hope the damage isnt isn’t too bad with fish ( .....it makes sense that your fish like slime 😆) and that you sleep tonight. 💜🤗

My GP appointment was helpful in that she knows how to get stuff out of me. GP thinks this may be a crash following a couple of months of holding it together under high stress which I agree with. We also spoke about the tiring nature of school holidays, being down on formal supports, the difficulty in trying to return to study when it is beyond me and medication side effects which she suggested I try and ride out for a while longer. While I felt a pretty ugh about it all I think it is good she knows how I'm feeling. She did say she thinks I've done really well to get this far and that I need to try and appreciate that more. It is a little hard to do that while I sit in this place of flatness wanting to get out of it though.