Just checking in.

@MazaritaI woke up and as I usually do I looked at my phone through half asleep eyes and no glasses making it look kind of like a big blur. I smiled when I saw a long post from you as I enjoy reading them, whatever the content. I realised that one needed a coffee and a more awake brain (and definitely glasses!), and then read it feeling along and thinking myself while listening to some chirpy happening in the trees.

So glad that you're feeling comfortable enough touching on and talking about it all. With you all the way ❤

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences and giant hugs for them. Lovely to think of 'next life' for C. I wonder what might be in your next life, if there is one (which I hope and believe).

Guilt is an issue for me right now, even though I believe I did what was best at this time. That guilt is especially intense when I think of him. I think he would have been a very gentle and loving father, and may still be one day which I really hope for him he has a chance to do. My guilt was already there in lots of ways before his big feelings poured out at me on the nights I took the medications, and some of the things he said amplified that for me hugely. I have made it very clear that I'm not interested in long term, seriousness and that's something he struggles with. I find it tricky to maintain that boundary when we're together sometimes as the feeling of being with him is so often really nice and I get caught in that. But it also feels like vulnerability in a way and that one makes me want to run a mile. Past toxic relationship has made vulnerability extra giantly scary I think.

There's my spill, and a hint of some of the complex that is attached to my name at the moment too! Yay for human-ness! Cats seem to have it way easier 😉

I hope your appointment goes well and you're able to get everything you need sorted.

I'm off to brave the shops (sooo ugh) and do some grocery shopping. Hoping to get started on my next little hook and yarn project if I have time this afternoon.

❤ to you all (@teej (might have a tagging issue there I think!) and @Zoe7 and anyone reading along too). Hope the day is one with good in it for everyone!

🌈

@Mazarita I’m so glad that it’s felt ok and maybe a bit cathartic to open up here. I didn’t want to write anything flippant so I just did a little research. I guess it turns out as I had suspected, that sex is often used as a coping strategy. I’m not sure how you relate to this, I may be off the mark with it. Because most people judge and shun talking about sex I’d imagine how difficult it would be to have meaningful conversations about it. I feel really honoured that you feel you could share it with us and proud for you that you did.

My relationship with sex is messy as well in a different way I guess. Before children I used alcohol as a release and coping strategy. After having children I couldn’t use alcohol anymore and I used sex. It was my go to release valve (vulva 🤪). It was only with my partner but there was/ is a shame thing about it that is a bit too vulnerable to write here for me yet. After I separated self harm became my coping strategy instead. As time has gone by I done miss it or need it anymore because I have self harm now 😳🤦‍♀️. I have no clue what the future holds for me if I ever enter a new relationship, ironically I’ve never considered that I’d live that long. I imagine that sex will be a really complicated thing for me should I ever go down that path again.

Im not trying to minimise any of this by talking about it as a coping strategy, I understand how complex and confusing and frustrating it must feel for you when the urges are present and strong. I wanted you to know you will have no judgement from me and as much support as I can give. 💜🤗

Hi @Teej,

It's so important and fantastic to have these discussions about how sex interacts with relationships and with our mental health. It can be so hard to do as a bit of a 'taboo' subject that as you say can be shunned, and it's great to have so many insightful and supportive posts! It's really great you've done some reading and it connects with your experience that sex can be used as a coping strategy to regulate negative emotions in the same way that drugs, alcohol, self-harm, or so many other things might be used.

You mentioned that self-harm has now taken over the role that sex used to play as a coping strategy. Are you feeling supported in your life at the moment in managing your self-harm and the distress/stress that you are dealing with when you self-harm?

Take care,

Tortoiseshell

Thanks @Former-Member. I have support and am working on reducing self harm. I am doing a lot better now with it but it has taken 5 years. Still from time to time I need to numb but less and not as dangerously as I previously did. Thanks for showing support for this conversation as well 💜🤗

@Mazarita I’m wondering if I hit a nerve with my post. I’m sorry if I did. I also understand if you need to give the heaviness of this mornings conversation a break. How has your day been?

Hey @Teej, this is the first time I've been online since this morning. I really appreciated your post. I want to reply more to it, but just wanted to set your mind at ease that all is okay about it. Will come back and talk about it more soon.

@Teej, actually I might have to wait until the middle of the night or early morning to get out a response to you. Have spent some much time on the garden theme on the other thread. Good to feel you around. Really want to continue this conversation. Hugs and hoping for some good sleep for you tonight (and for me).

All good @Mazarita. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. Yep I’m heading off in a minute. Go8ng to shower and then sleep I hope. I hope you get some good sleep as well. Depending on my sleep I may have to rush out the door in the morning, just giving you a heads up if I don’t respond. 💜🤗

Good morning, @CheerBear. Looks like you were around about half an hour ago. I haven't been to sleep yet. Here if you are still up and feel like chat.