Just checking in.

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope for thinking of me. You are such a lovely person whom I find comfort in 💕

I am alright now - especially after reading @Zoe7 was okay. I am use to people coming and going off forums as I have been on them for years and people will do this when they are in a better place and/or don't have a need anymore for forum support. Which is a good thing. People move on and I have never been effected by it before. It's just the way she left - exactly the same words my daughter wrote when she attempted and nearly succeeded. It was hard for me and hit unexpectedly taking me back to not so good a place.

But it is wonderful Zoe is okay. I just wish when people do leave the forum they make it clear as others can be adversely effected. It was a classic suicide note. A dummy spit as you say yes but it wasn't right. We are all struggling as much. I am not sure how to offer support now - whether to give a one off reply of welcome, support etc and avoid forming ties and ongoing dialogue. What are your thoughts on this? I feel thrown ofcourse. It won't stop me from attempting to help others, nothing would do that - just questioning the approach. I hope that makes some sense.

Would appreciate your thoughts @Faith-and-Hope

It is a relief to know all is well with Zoe though - that is the main thing and really appreciated the feedback putting my mind at ease for knowing her wellbeing is intact and that myself and others can put our minds to rest 💕

Hi @Former-Member

I am glad Zoe is okay too - at least I hope she is - I haven't read the whole thread - but I did find how she wrote "Goodbye" when she finished a post - and I guess that was okay - but it triggered a lot of people - and for you it's what your daughter said to you before she tried to end her life - seriously so

You know what - I do remember my last conversation with my son - it was on the phone and I had been in a car accident - I don't remember what the last thing he said was - but he was suicidal and I knew that -

So I get that - I understand

Personally - I do not try to communciate with everyone in the site - I have my people and I guess you already know you are one of them - and I don't think that the purpose of the site is for us to respond to everyone - and to me it seems important that we have on-going conversations with people we connect with and also - we have to keep ourselves safe

My thought is to respond to people with a welcome if you read a bit of what they have written and feel you have something to add - that is fine - we don't commit ourselves to a conversation doing that - but if the post is something we feel past us - keep out of it - I am sure the moderaters don't want us triggered by someone's story - and equally - people can tell their story -

So you feel that people were gracious about the situation - more so than you were - I didn't feel particulary gracious myself and didn't respond - but that was a couple of days afterward

Just do what you are comfortable with - I write as long as I feel happy doing it and if it gets to much for me I stop - you are doing fine so far

Dec

So good to get a response from you @Decadian. Your post resonated with me and made so much sense. I can't tell you how much this has helped sort my thoughts and feelings out. And I will be taking that lead. You are a wonderful support and to me a friend. Thank you so much 💕xx

Thank you @TAB

Thanks @Former-Member - I am so glad I could help - it's really good to get feedback myself

I joined the site at the end of March last year - I don't know how long it had been running before that - but it seems to have grown a lot since then - no way can we manage everything here - I feel a little concerned that there are people who feel as if they have to read everything - I don't think that is required at all

And thanks @TAB - I agree - enough said - but it is good to share our thoughts when we are uncertain

Dec

Hi @Former-Member ... 😊💕

Wow .... there has been a lot of activity on my usual threads overnight ..... overnight for me that is .... daytime hours for you ... lol ....

I was very concerned for you and others in response to Zoe's last post, as much for you and those others as for her and what she was going through ....

If I refer to it as a "brain snap", this is the Urban Dictionary description -

______________________________

BRAIN SNAP

noun and verb

when you suddenly have a complete psycho and all logical thought and reason takes a back seat to your rage and anger. sudden act of rage, without premeditation.

Example - smashing a whole cupboard full of crockery on the footpath cos your plate wasnt cleaned properly.

_______________________________

Some of you have witnessed that sort of reaction in people around you growing up .... and I am guessing it is because they have reached their limit in terms of processing a major event, or more likely a series of smaller events, and simply reacted in a way they consider self-preservation in that moment ... 🐠🐠🐠 ....

It is likely to be a spectrum, and in that sense, likely something we all do to some degree. DID would have to be the extreme on that spectrum, emerging in children who are exposed to intolerable circumstances as perhaps the ultimate in self-preservation.

My concern for you, and for others, is tha the post did replicate a si note .... and there are so many here that struggle with that themselves, or who have struggled with a spectrum of fall-out. Her response to the mods indicates that she didn't intend to harm us, and that was the assertion I was working on, but if my personal life experience had been impacted the way yours has .... and I have had some impact from life circumstances .... my response would likely be to take a giant step back for a while and kept the reverberations settle down, and my own triggered wounds / scars to re-heal .... 💜💐

Let others less affected carry the main body of the forums for now, and add back in when and as you feel comfortable to, but please don't swing back the other way to a fear of engagement at all .... 😳😔

Politeness is a very practical, useful and shielding avenue to take. It allows us to contribute the basics, but also allows a bit of a distance as a buffer zone. It is wise to maintain that distance until you have a comfort level to reduce it a bit .... but I would call what happened with Zoe a "perfect storm" situation, where I am guessing that a series of events came together in her life to create that momentary overwhelm, and she simply reacted, with whatever sub-personality took the helm at the time .... with self-preservation the key motive .... 😔

Its not something to be fearful of in others all the time, and there was no real warning .... if she had posted that, then hung around to answer our responses, it would have de-escalated and something would have resolved or been explained. We can't govern other people's choices, but we do have the right to our own reactions, and you can see from others' responses on this page that all our reactions were not the same, and that's okay .... 👍🏼

The more empathetic and sensitive ones amongst us have to develop a protective barrier to shield us from emotional burn-out .... and managing that shield can be a challenge of its own ... lol .... (hand up here .... ❣) but in saying that, I wouldn't want to be any other way.

I hope this helps ....

🌷💜

@Faith-and-Hope - it has been busy this afternoon - of courses it's Australia Day and public holidays and be flat spots in my life - after having been triggered - not in the site - about my mother and having a bad spell - 24 hours

I have to say that all the posting happening in here this afternoon has relieve the lost feeling I had - and I think this is one of the purposed of the Forum Family

But it is a place where vulnerabe people can be upset - and I try to remember that - what you say makes sense - as @TAB said

Dec

Hi @Former-Member @Decadian @Faith-and-Hope and others

I've been trying for days to login on my new laptop unsuccessfully. My friend just lent me this tablet as she was leaving and I really don't know how to use it so bear with me. I realise I've missed a lot and am jumping in but hope you'll understand. Today would have been my son's 21st birthday and I've been feeling pretty emotional about it this time around. Wanted to reach out. Not sure if I'll even be able to reply if anyone responds, just because I've never used a tablet before.