Just checking in.

@Shaz51 Good to read you are having a better day. Very hot here as well - thank Goodness for the beach near by and the backyard pool. The humidity can knock me around....

My son-in-law, his wife and grandson just left after staying for three days. We had such a good time, it was wonderful to see them but I am now feeling quite pooped 😴😄

Hi @Faith-and-Hope, thanks for thinking of me and giving me a mention the other day. That is very kind and thoughtful of you. And hello also to @Former-Member @Shaz51, I hope you are well and happy?

So a very brief update since this is the "just checking in" thread.

I have been away for most of the last 2 weeks, only coming home half way between for a couple of days to do what I had to do at work.

Been doing the post-Christmas family visits. Firstly our son and his family (incl 4 of my grandkids) 6 hours drive North and then our daughter and her family (incl 2 grandkids) 5 hours drive South. It was great catching up with all the little ones, as they grow so quickly dont they? Our youngest grandchild has just turned 4yo.

Then we visited my family another few hours drive further South and I caught up with my Mum and Dad and my brother and sister. It was a difficult visit because my brother (those of you who have read my PTSD thread would know) has been on suicide watch the past couple of months, and is not doing too well at all. He lost his 11yo daughter (my only niece) just on 17 months ago in a freak car accident which also meant he suffered a broken neck and other serious injuries in the process. So that was a tough one to get through. And I think talking to him about his PTSD and difficulties he is going through has probably stirred up my own PTSD symptoms as a result. Even though mine isnt related to his accident. But I am glad that I got to have a good long talk to him about things in person, rather than over the phone which is what we usually do. I think he benefited from it, and thats the important thing.

But I think I have ended up in a bit of a black hole myself, with anxiety coming back into play and depression also seemingly worse. No doubt the family situation has understandably contributed to that.

Anyway I have been on some medication to help with nightmares and ptsd related sleep disturbances, but it also lowers blood pressure. So with the long drives we were about to go on a couple of weeks ago, I went off that meds. I didnt want to be worried about severe dizziness due to low BP affecting my driving. Since I usually do most of the driving because of hubby's sight issues, I didnt need that as a potential problem. Anyway my nightmares and anxiety has increased as a result of that, so I suppose its a pretty good indication that the meds actually do help! So I am back on them again as of a couple of nights ago. And I will just monitor the dose so I can get the benefit from it in relation to sleep issues, but not so much that my BP plummets to a dangerous level. Very much a juggling act I can tell you!

I have my next psych appointment in 10 days time, and I am not exactly looking forward to that. But I do know there are benefits to me by going. So I will keep the appointment.

I am still working at present and likely to be for another 4 weeks. But I have put in my resignation, to be effective as soon as they can find a replacement for me and I have given a reasonable handover. I just am not coping well with even part-time work right now, so decided I needed to devote more time to my own health. Hence the resignation. More time for me to maintain a regular exercise program, and to do self expression etc like art and poetry which I am trying to get into more.

I hope everyone here is doing well. I'm sorry I havent been around much to offer my support. But I am with you all in spirit regardless.

All the best.

Sherry

@utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope

Hi all. Has been a really up and down few days. As you know I have really felt the hurt and the pain deeply but my feelings for my friend have never waivered. We have had contact and I'm sure she does not want to pull away as she has done before but she just does not know how to deal with her own fears. I do wish this was not the case for her but that is the reality.

All I can do now is to offer my friendship, support and let her know that no matter what happens I do care about her and always with. The door is always open for her and she will be fully embraced with no expectations, no judgements and no pressure. She really is an amazingly wonderful person who has a strength within her that she does not even recognise. I feel she has given me more than I have given her and I will always hold this part of her character and our friendship close to my heart.

Whatever the future holds for us both I can only say that she has already enriched my life in a way that I never thought possible - and for that I can only thank her. I truly hope she can get past her fears (or at least get to a point where she can see past them enough to allow either me or others into her life more closely), that we can continue to develop the close bond that we do have and that she does not pull away completely.

I am not going to pretend that this is easy for me, that I don't wish it was not the case and that it doesn't cause me some distress. But the fact is she is worth it - I can't say I have been able to say that about too many people throughout my life. I hope she finds a way to be able to trust that I really do care about her and only want the best for her - and no matter what happens for her - I will always be around to welcome her back and to love and support her.

Hi @Zoe7 - it is good that you now have some idea why. I thought your friend may have put her own wall up through fear....perhaps of getting too close, hurt, fear of rejection etc...I use to do that with others once. I did not trust anyone. And would shy away. Perhaps your friend has issues with trust as well. I am not like that now although before anyone enters in my heart trust has to be nurtured. Reassurance from others helped me over time to open up to them. Must of been draining for them at times though.

I can still get sensitive also when friendships have their inevitable bumps - but I deal With it better now rather than give into it those fears/emotional pain etc -"but it never is easy, just gets easier (depending on the circumstances)"....At least your friend communicated something to you as to perhaps why she acted such as she did (if I read it correctly) and that would of eased your own mind a bit.

What you said to her about being there for her when she is ready etc is exactly what I would of done in that situation. I think the worst part of any friendship that goes wrong like that is a lack of communication. The not knowing why (can trigger the negative talk and past pain). And it's a positive that communication has been opened up between you both - for me not knowing why is the worst part because then I will automatically believe that it was because I was not good enough and so on. The way I was forced to feel as a child (childhood scars run deep). But I deal with it by the way I have already described in previous posts.

Good to hear from you @Zoe7. You will find in time the up days will become more frequent than the down days. Hugs 💕xx

Hi @Former-Member .... 😊💕

Thanks so much for checking back in with us .... it's great to hear from you.

Wow .... lots of driving and lots of grandkids .... ❣. Sounds like you have had an amazing and exhausting time .... but coming back full of hugs too !!

Yes ... I remembered when you first posted about your brother, and I pray for his recovery whenever I think of you. Glad you got to catch up with him in person ... bitter-sweet by the sounds of it .... but probably very good for you on other levels, despite the PTSD triggers .... hopefully contributes towards desensitisation progressively ....

Sorry to hear you have black-hole-struggles going on now .... if it helps to post here, even occasionally on a social thread, we're walking with you .... keep at it .... hugs .... 🤗💕... the exercise, art and poetry sound like excellent approaches that will hopefully produce rapid results.

Take care .... 🌷💜

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope. I will try to check in from time to time. I appreciate the support.

Thanks also to @Former-Member @Former-Member @utopia.

A grateful Sherry.

Hi @Zoe7 .... ❤️💕

So, so glad to hear you have been back in contact with your friend .... it sounds like a painful growth experience for both of you, but highly valuable none-the-less ... perhaps a necessary part of facing fears and working through them .... with "finding your way back" and "second-chances" experiences thrown in for good measure .... it can feel like you're in the washing machine in the moment, but the results seem to iron out in a special way that can leave you feeling like you have taken a quantum leap. And it's both of you .... so double the break-through achievements ....

Just keep swimming .... 🐠🐠🐠❣

🤗💕

Hello @Former-Member xx

it is great to hear from you my friend , I have missed you and your messages and when I saw the message today , i was happy

sounds like you hve been busy