not feeling good

my sister @BlueBay , sitting with you xoxo

Hi @Shaz51 @MDT @oceangirl @Razzle @Faith-and-Hope @Gazza75 @Owlunar @Zoe7 @Former-Member and others

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday afternoon. He is not changing my meds. I told him about my anger goes from 0 to 10 instantly and find it difficult to calm down. He said I need to practise to stop and think before I get so angry. I told him I do t do thst because it’s instant and then realise much later. He said to start slowly. We talked about hospital and I told him about our financial situation snd ehats going on st home. He suggested to see how I go and if I’m wirse thsn previoys times he’ll admit me. But he wants me to contact him as soon as things are Worse. Appt only lasted 10 mins. And instead of charging me $170 he bulk billed which I was very glad.

I know I feel at times over the past weeks I should go to hospital but the thing is - I’m nit I really benefit. Yes I get a break away from home which is what I would love. But I come back home and things are the same.

My psych snd doctor suggested I need a hobby. Something that I can do just for me that doesn’t incl hubby.

Im going to look at poss joining a gym. I know my daughter wants to so we could go together st night. Or even yoga. I’ll look into this. I think they’re right.

Its really time I put myself first. I’m eating so don’t worry. I kniw thst was a really bad choice yesterday. It’s a reaction snd feeling that I do when I’m nit coping. It’s like I want to stop everything even my meds.

i do trust my psychiatrist and doctor They only want the best for me.

We also spoke about the owner of my pharmacy selling the store. POSs sold. And the possibility that staff could go once new owner comes in.

I know that my shifts are only there to cover lunches 10-2. Except for Monday 8.30-5.30. I could be the first to go. My psych said let’s waut and see what happens. I hope not because this job suits me so much. No point stressing as it’s nit confirmed just yet.

Its where my negative head takes me and then I stress worry and get so anxious about it.

Hope you all have a nice day today.

I’m having lunch today with an old worker. Haven’t seen her for about 2 years. It should be nice. 😊❤️

Hi @BlueBay , Happy birthday for the other day. I haven't been online as much as usual. Thanks for the updates about what's been happening with you. I think it a very positive step to join a gym or start doing yoga. There are some apps and websites that might get you started with yoga. I did it for a while and found it quite beneficial for my back and flexibility. I have pretty much zero flexibility but yoga really made a difference.

Hope you have a wonderful lunch with your old work friend. That sounds nice. I'd encourage you to join the gym if you can afford to, I find it helps give me energy and stay positive most of the time. I do notice I feel flat if I don't go for a few days.

I better finish this up, duty calls. Take care BB

Hey @BlueBay

We have not chatted for ages, but I really wanted say its a great idea to do the gym or yoga with your daughter. A win win on many levels. Emotional, physical, family and female bonding and all the positives for her as you move into a new adventure.

I wondered if you felt you could not spoil yourself with a gym membership before. I know for a long time, when money is tight, I could not spend money on myself, and it was only when health things were extreme that I would fork out for my benefit, in health sector. I learned a huge amount about health for me and my children by going to a gym. It will pay off economically, and if it ever stops being the right thing to do, change it later ...

Bella. please trust yourself more. I have seen how much you struggle and how much you keep fighting. You can do it. You have more strength than you realise.

Big Hug.

Ciao

Hi @BlueBay

You really do sound much better today - let's hope it lasts because your better state seems to have happened after you saw your psyche - and he will put you into hospital if you feel worse so you have that at your back - you have that choice if you choice to take it

Having a hobby is a brilliant idea - they really give us something to think about, plan for - give our time to etc - and going to the Gym with your daughter sounds like a good start - fantastic start

Yes - your mind does tend to run straight to disaster - and the thought of your your employers selling out sounds really bad - but maybe not - you might be moving soon and you would have to look for more employment elsewhere - a new start would be hard for you to imagine I am sure but it could be excellent to start afresh where no one knows about your BDP - those words seem to scare people and it is hard to understand - but depression - that seems to have the world press atm and it could even be fashionable - (I don't like that word much) - to have depression - and you can tell them that if they ask - there is no need to go into details

But there is no need to worry about tomorrow's problems today - today has enough stuff happening -

I'm glad you're eating today - and putting oneself first isn't selfish - it's putting ourselves in a position where we are cared for and we are better suited to caring for others

Do you remember that song "There's a hole in the bucket Eliza - a hole" ? and poor Henry couldn't fix the hole without Eliza's help and she just wasn't interested. Had she lent Henry her bucket he could have fixed his bucket and there would have been any problems - and then - no song to refer to about self-care, self-help, self-love and what a pity that would be.

You need to care for yourself when so many people are leaning on you - if they were helping there would be no need for the song - but today - you sound better and you seem to be seeing your choices

All the best

Dec

Hi @MDT @Gazza75 @Appleblossom @Owlunar

thanks fir the love and support everyone 😊

I have an appt with my dietitian this Friday and was thinking I’ll ask him about gyms. There may even be one where he is. I’m not sure. I’m going to be very honest with my dietitian and tell him what my negative thoughts are.

I’m starting to enjoy walking. Even if it’s cold I like the fresh cold air on my face.

Went tiday for 1/2 hr with my daughter and Ayla.

@Owlunar I bought 3 summer tops for $45 with my daughters gift voucher she gave me. Normal cost would have been $140. It’s crazy the markup they have. Still good saving fir me!! Can’t wait to wear them on our holiday in October.

And only $300 left to pay on accommodation. It’s so better paying it off.

ohhh my sister @BlueBay

sounds like a good day

my yearly health plan is finished @Owlunar , @Appleblossom , @Gazza75 , @MDT

have to make a appt to get a new one

Why is it that tonight I can smell cigarette smoke and it’s reminding me of my brother who sexually abused me.

The smell is everywhere. It’s hirrible

@Shaz51 @Owlunar @Appleblossom @Gazza75 @MDT

@Former-Member why is it hard to chat online? Every time I try it’s busy.