not feeling good

sitting with you my sister @BlueBay and sending you hugs

I am going to try to sleep if I can @Shaz51 @Ali11 @MDT @Former-Member @Zoe7 @Gazza75

I don’t know what happened before

the intensity was huge

I haven’t been good fir a while but tonight just happened

my daughters partner is staying over

hopefully they will move out soon

I know a lot of you will be saying ”whst the hell bluebay whst are you doing”

i know you’ll all think I’m stupid for saying yes. It’s only short term. And he will be paying us board. That will help with food and extras.

I will be judged I know 😢

ive let myself down so much because I’m not strong I’m not assertive

Im just trying to do the best I can and be the best I can

but I fail a lot

I feel my life is not good

I feel why am I still here

I need to try to hang on to my little Ayla

Im so emotional at the moment

I’m going to bed

I’m sorry to everyone

Thankyou everyone for all the support love and hugs

i have no one to talk to

I have no friends that will listen

I’m so alone

❤️❤️

Goodnight @MDT and Thankyou xxoo

I am sure that no one is judging you @BlueBay

But your decision is not working out for you already and you are telling us this - you are suddenly seriously into SI and feel alone - I am very concerned for you - very worried actually

You have been saying for a long time that there are too many people in your house and now you are taking on another. I don't know the story there but that's not important - we all know your story and how you are battling - this is not good at all

It's your house - you can say no - and yes - I really do know how hard this is for you - being assertive is not easy - but it's important for your mental health

So - not knowing the back story with the partner I can only assume and so let's not but you are hanging onto your sanity by a thread - you can say no to this - it's going to be better in the long run than breaking down -

It's been and is being hard for you to work these extra hours and so you need to put yourself first for a couple more weeks - with that extra money and your tax refund means you are not as financially stressed so you don't need the partner

I will always be honest - that was the deal I made for myself - so I will be

So let's see what tomorrow brings

The good news is that I have been getting advertisements that JetStar is having specials atm - I will keep my eye out for flights from The Sunshine Coast to Melbourne and let you know if I see one - I don't know why I am getting these advertisements - I don't use JetStar - but if I can find you a special - I will be glad to help

Never judging your BlueBay - that's your BPD talking - blaming yourself - making a mistake about letting the partner stay isn't - it's lack of assertiveness -

And BPD is not stupid - it's a difficult disorder - please don't blame yourself for that - it's not your fault - who would want just a disorder?

Dec

No judgement here @BlueBay, and we noticed you've noted that he'll be helping pay some bills, so that's not a stupid move at all. All you can do is try be the best you that you can be each day and you share so much love with everyone here, so you're doing okay and that's enough. Have a beautiful sleep and tomorrow is a fresh day to try again

Thanks @MDT

Dec