You are having trouble getting things into perspective @Former-Member and it is hard for you to think right now
So you need to ask yourself what you can do about this and what you can't and your priorities
To start Huffnpuff cracking it when he feels there is not enough money in your accounts is totally wrong - he finds it too hard to open your on-line accounts which is really immature of him - he has this learned helplessness that is really pathetic - he can do it - at least he can talk it over with you sensibly - cracking it and getting angry and insulting you has to stop!
And your MI is not your fault - if you had a broken hip or a heart attack or something drastic you couldn't work no one would be blaming you - you do work as much as you can so it's really hard that he doesn't see this and yes - I do really know about this kind of thing but my ex knew better than to insult me at least - but he would withdraw into himself and that is hard too - just like Huffnpuff walking away from you when you try and work it out with him - hmmmf
So - you will be seeing your psyche in about 3 weeks - can you hold your breath that long - and hopefully you can get into hospital without being on the waiting list this time so you can be free for your holiday in October - I hope this schedule works out
I am not walking away now - I had to a couple of years back because I didn't realise this was a peer support forum and that I could write honestly - and I always will - I do get upset when people have SI and it's okay to post here and I am strong enough now to deal with it. I had a really bad nightmare a couple of nights ago and next week is the anniversary - I was dreaming that I was telling people that my son had run off and I knew what was going to happen and no one was listening - and it was so horrible - I was so glad to wake up and realise it's a normal dream for this time of year
But here's what's important - I am listening to you - I can hear hear you and I understand - I can also understand that expressing SI is also partly a coping mechanism - you are getting it out of your mouth or your fingers - so to speak -
If you have a schedule worked out this would be good to know - that you are thinking and planning makes sense,
So - don't let Huffnpuff crack it or give you a hard time - tell him that you have had enough of this - that unless he can say something helpful then he can shut-up
And get onto your psyche's office and leave a message that you are seriously battling and often having SI and feel desperate or whatever words work for you - so he will know when he gets back from leave and you don't have to be on a long waiting list - also let him know you have been working on different issues with your psychologist now and how Huffnpuff's words hurt you and you want to get serious about all of this - it's better to do this now than crash into the programme when you see him again and there are people ahead of you
If you can work and get the extra money good - if you can't then you can't - if you do have some plans then working each day - taking one day at a time will probably work because each day is a day closer and that might just help
I will always care - I always did - I am being honest and as supportive as I can be and seeing the picture you are painting - there is no need to be afraid of people being angry - that is hard for you I understand -
But please care for yourself and put yourself first - you need someone to care for you as well all do at times and right now it's your turn and I'm telling you that your worthy - you really hard - I know it's hard for you to see yourself so you have to believe everyone here who is writing that -
Sending hugs - I wish they could be the real ones but they are sent like fair-dinkum bear hugs that can last
Dec
