not feeling good

ohhh @BlueBay , my sister , big breath my darling

@BlueBay

Can you talk to the insurance company you shouldn't have to pay twice.

Thinking of you my beautiful sister

Thsnkyou @Shaz51 @CheerBear @Gazza75 @Owlunar and others I’ve left out sorry

family dinner over

baby A restless didn’t want to eat snd crsnky

hubby doing his usual stuff

boys are on their phones

older son says we’re all too loud

daughter cooking dinner while I read a book to A

its a chaotic noisy house

oh well that’s it for tonight.

I hope I go to sleep and wake up better

sometimes I wish I had time away

Thsts why I like hospital stay because I get to be on my own and do my own thing. No other family around yelling or talking so loud. Just peace and quiet.

But that’s not going to happen anytime soon.

Forgot to mention @oceangirl @Shaz51 @CheerBear @Gazza75

i told hubby about the money and said it has to be sorted out at the branch not over the phone.

So I went with him even though I shouldn’t have. Spoke to a guy at bank and he rang the insurance who will cancel the payments and refund us.

It just annoys me that I have to do things.

I know I shouldn’t have gone.

I feel that once I’m in bed I’m going to let out all my tears.

Im sorry to be on here so much today. I just needed some help and support.

Thankyou everyone ❤️

Don't be sorry @BlueBay, you've been here for many of us as well, don't ever feel bad about reaching out for support here, you're loved Glad to hear the bank were able to sort out that payment refund for you, that's one less thing to think about for now. Hope you've got some quiet time tonight and you're feeling a little better.

@Ali11 I keep having these thoughts visions - if I ran away I would go to a high cliff. Sit there and watch the stars and the sunrise and sunset. I would sit on my own and just think of my life. What do I want? Who sm I ? Where do I want to be in 5 years?

i need space to think about my own thoughts on my BPD my mental illness that’s taken over my life

gosh what is wrong with me

why the hell am I like this

why am i so bad znd cant even think

I hate myself

I’m sngry agsin

I want to

grrrrrr I’m sngry

Hi @BlueBay my friend. 😄

I would miss you if you werent around, as would every one of your family. As would a large number of fellow members here, most of us whom you have supported as we've needed it.

It sounds like its been a really torrid day for you today. I hope tomorrow is a vast improvement.

I apologise for not being around over the past week. Sending you much love, a degree of calm and some contentment. Thinking of you.

Sherry 💕

@BlueBay hey good evening. Your family dinner time sounds nice. May be you find it a bit noisy. Good things are probably all a bit noisy. In my life. I spend it mostly alone and isolated. Sometimes I feel so dissociated that I can hear my own very thought. I walk pass families that I cannot put a foot in. Especially Christmas. You have a lovely family. Not smooth but lovely and yours and you brought them up and look after them. That is really something.

By fate, I gave up all that for the best. Then I can see myself age alone lonely and isolated.

So you have things valuable. Take care

ToMorrow will be better.

The hardest thing to do is forgive yourself @BlueBay It's so good that you're asking those questions though, what do you want, what do you value, where do you want to be? All powerful things to focus on, because they give us direction. Recently we've found writing down 2 personal goals and 2 professional goals for the next day to be helpful. Then if you only tick off those 4 things, you've had a successful day. It can be little things, like tidying a desk, or sending a letter, or it can be something bigger, but keeping them to something you know you can accomplish helps build the momentum. Sending you love, hope you're getting some quiet time tonight