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not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

not feeling good

At the moment i am not feeling good. i feel like my body is in 'run away mode'. i feel my body is running on a high, my head is so mixed up. i have to go to bed and try to sleep, but don't know if i can.

my hormones are everywhere at the moment; my mood is sky high negative. i can't deal with this anymre. all of a sudden i am not feeling good. i think it is anxiety.

i don't know why i feel like this; i just want to cry but can't becsue everyone is home. i am going to bed. i don't know what is going on. actually maybe it is anxiety because i felt like passing out today.

I went to my GP to have my mirena IUD taken out as I had had enough. But he couldn't find the string, so he sent me for a ultrasound. Had that and the guy said i had two fibroids and a cyst on my ovary. but he couldn't find the string either, so had to have an xray to find the metal piece. they didn't tell me anything. but while waiting i was so anxious i almost passed out.

so now i have to wait for tomorrow when my GP will call me at work and let me know what will happen now. hopefully he can take the mirena out. i don't know.

my body is reacting to my anxiety - i feel so shaky, i need to stop. no point telling anyone at home becasue (a) they won't believe me and (b) they prob wouldn't care.

sorry, i had to tell someone. i feel so alone 😞

12926 replies

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In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Dear Dad

Happy 80th Birthday xxoo

I love you with all my heart, even though i have never told you before that I love you so much. Thank you for being such an amazing dad, a hard working dad.

I know the last 7 yrs have been really hard but i miss you. If only i could turn back time and not have remembered my childhood abuse, then none of this would be happening now. So i am so sorry that things have turned out like this.

The pain is too hard to write anymore, the tears are flowing and there is nothing i can do. Nothing. It feels like i am reaching out to you but we can't connect, we can't

i have tried to sh to get to see you; i have been in hosptial but you never came. why? why didn't you come, even just once to see me; why can't you just ring me; she doesn't have to know.

I need to go Dad, so for now until we meet again somewhere, wherever in our lives i want you to know that i really love you from the bottom of my heart and i thank you for everything you have done for me.

i just need yoiu, i just want you to wrap your arms around me, hug me and tell me you love; tell me you care; tell me you believe me.

your broken little girl is still broken xxoo

In response to: not feeling good

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

I'm sending you hugs today @BlueBay.
That's a beautiful letter to your dad.
Look after yourself and be gentle. I'm here.
♥♥♥♥

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

@utopia

i am not coping

sobbing

i don't know what to do

the pain of all this is too much

i can't keep going

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

@BlueBay I'm here if you need my friend

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

thank you @Zoe7

you are a sweetheart xxoo

i need to go, i need time to myself

to think

to reflect

i knew today was going to be hard

but not this hard

i dont' have the neergy anymore

i am so sorry to bother you and everyone else

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Unknown userMember

Re: not feeling good

Big hug @BlueBay GGo easy on yourself today xox

I just found English Breakfast Tea at Aldi for 1/3 the price, just feel so spoilt when I have EBT. Now I can have some every day. Will go pour you a drink, wash away the tears. xox

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

@BlueBay Do what you need to do to keep yourself safe - think, reflect, sleep, cry - whatever you need.

You are not bothering anyone my friend - we have told you we will be here for you and that is because we care about you so much. I know that is hard for you to believe sometimes but we will continue to support you and care for you always. Today is going to be hard but know I would take some of that pain away from you if I could - so the only other thing I can do is to listen when you talk, send you my huge comforting hugs and all my love to help you through today.

Here when and if you need - walking right beside you today...

Sending you all my love

Zoe

In response to: not feeling good

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay. Sorry. I have gastro. Yay. Someone else at work also has it. So I'm home today.<br>Take the time you need. Reflect. Remember. Then store it away. You don't need to prove your love to you dad - by such suffering. Remember some fun times - when you laughed. Then make yourself a cup of tea and go and sit outside in your garden. Listen to the magpies and other birds. Feel the sun andbreeze on your skin. Sit on the grass (I find this hhelps) &amp; touch the grass. Pull a stem of grass. Look at it. Study it. Feel it. Smell it. Once you feel more grounded - go inside and look through your baby pattern books. A few light cardigans for spring and autumn. A beautiful baby blanket. Booties and mittens. Mittens are really handy to stop the baby scratching their face. Their nails grow so quickly. <br>Remember your dad - the good times. And then move on and focus on now. On today.<br>I'll be sitting outside in the garden with you.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

OwlunarSenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay

I know tough it feels about your father - but I can't know how you feel - it's impossible to know how you feel

My father wanted to see me - I know that now - after we reconciled some years before he died - not long enough but enough in the long run

Hopefully in time you fill find the strength to push past your mother and get to your father and see him - you will be able to because your mother is afraid of you - and you are stronger than her

It's something we can talk about when you are feeling a bit better

In the meantime I know that it's too hard to push these thoughts and feelings away - it's a tough day for you - and I know the frozen and torn feelings in your heart

I care and I understand

Dec

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Unknown userMember

Re: not feeling good

Some morning love for us all.......

Breathing with you @BlueBay

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