not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay

I thought about all of this a lot last night - you have been through a lot and alas - this is your life - you only have one and it has been a mighty effort getting through it so far

But you are strong enough - you will do it and I can say this because you are still here battling and although I can't possibly know how it feels to be sexually abused I do know about living a tough life so I also know what it feels like to think you can't do it - but I did and so will you

And maybe you will always be emotional - I am actually - probably not to the same degree but although the hard bits of my life have been nightmarish - the great parts have been fantastic and I remember them with joy -

atm you life is about your mental illness - but you can change that - I wonder how far anyone needs to go in peeling back the layers of the onion skin? If you keep going there will be nothing left so at some stage we all have to stop - this is a fairly new idea of mine - after I was seeing my last therapist - was that only last year? Yes - that recently -

Somewhere we will reach that point - we might just have that epiphany - a bright light that says "Enough is enough" and we can go on - and we can really a place where we don't need our support team - so they will be there while you need the members but they can drop off one by one and you will find you can stand on your own two feet.

Perhaps it will never happen but here's a truth - the future is in your hands. You have been treated badly - criminally in some cases - I read about the psyche - that's a crime actually - and you ask why these things happen to you? Okay - that was years ago now and you can't change the past - you can act against this man - it would be hard

I think being in a small group would be an excellent idea - you think you are not very good in groups - well - that's okay - you can go along and try it - you can learn to speak out

Hoi - I just thought - it's really hard for you to speak out and maybe this is why you have been misused - I think it would be really great to be in a small group and learn how to speak up and speak out

It's so tough for you - I can hear that - but you do have a choice - staying where you are in life - not knowing who you are and what you want - or finding a place where you can speak up -

I know it's not easy - but I do know what it's like to wake up every morning feeling a tsunami of negative feelings swooping down on you - I do -

And I can about you and I wrote a few days back - standing with someone and sticking with it means a lot of things and tough love is one of them - it means we need to really love a person a whole lot to use tough love -

And I do care

Dec

Hi @Owlunar Thankyou for understanding and your support. You don’t know how much you mean to me. It’s huge. ❤️

omg I’m so emotional tiday. I don’t know why. I can’t get myself out if this rut.

My d snd I took A fir a walk coffee and park. It was nice. But now I’m home snd I’m alone and I’ve got no motivation to do anything.

I have been peeling bsvk the layers. It’s so damn hard. I always get affected after my sessions. And tiday is not a good day.

You know I just hope that one day I feel free from all of this.

I need to find a support group but there’s not a lot in my area. My psychologist I saw yesterday said she will let me know of one that will start soon close to home. She is part of our local hospital and has lots of info.

I think im coming down with a cold. All stuffy in nose and head and sore throat.

Wish I wasn’t sensitive snd emotional all the time.

You know I used to get told off for crying. Expressing myself was not a thing allowed at home. I remember crying at my grandmothers funeral and got told off.

So I guess that’s why I shut down and hide my feelings.

Its hard when you need to express your feelings and you’re stopped - by the people that should love you no matter what.

I better go. Tears are rolling down my face. I wish I could hide away.

@BlueBay hope you feel better soon.

@Shaz51 how are you going today? I am doing a short walk and coffee after work. Feeling on ATM. Wish you a great day. Take care.

@Ali11 @Owlunar @oceangirl @Shaz51 @Meowmy @Former-Member @Razzle

Self harm is what I need right now.

I am sick and tired of hearing whinging all night long. This shouldn’t be here this is in the wrong spot. This is a mess. Nothing gets put in its right spot. This this snd f...... this.

This is is what I hear all f....., night from hubby.

I told him that it’s nit a display home and does it matter if one pen is NOT in the right spot.

He then says “oh im not saying anything snymire”. I told him that he can’t tske a comment. And my daughter agreed with me. I also told him that was he’s saying is OCD. He is now playing silent.

I said to him “oh I forgot you’re perfect”!!!

Im over this rubbish. Why can’t he understand that what I’m saying is right. I told him that I would record him one night from the time he comes home to the time he goes to bed and then he can hear himself. He rants all bloody night.

Omg.

No wonder our communication isn’t great. Because he doesn’t want to listen to me. He bites back straight away.

Im made to feel like a hopeless shit person who doesn’t keep the house as perfect as he wants.

Right now I want to self harm badly because I’m so damn ANGRY.

I want to runaway and never return.

@BlueBay Hope you find something soothing soon. Take care.

Feeling sick with snger

I can’t calm down

@BlueBay Hope you will find something soothing soon. May be have a short nap. Take care.

No nothing soothing to do.

Too angry and can’t calm down

inside I’m ready to explode

sh is something very close

Sending love @BlueBay, that must be challenging to hear each day Have you asked him why he feels everything needs to be the way he wants it? Does he know why that is himself?