not feeling good

@BlueBay I’m so happy for you that you could do that for yourself. My councillor was trying to get me to do that, he’s tried a few times but I hate her so much that he’s had to stop me during the sessions like that.

I had just jumped on the forums right now because I was actually thinking of you, and saw the little notification that you had tagged me - I actually burst into tears, I’m pretty emotional at the moment.

I had a terrible night last night. We are taking my daughter and her partner to the air port next week, she is flying overseas and will be gone for a couple of years. I’m really happy for her, excited in fact so I’m not stressed about her leaving at all. We will be staying in the city the night before they fly out.

My sons partner has been messaging me wanting to know times that we will be there to be able to catch up - my son has a uni exam the morning we get there, then nothing until a few days later. I have been putting off telling her exact times because I feel like she will just plan an excuse.

She messaged again yesterday so I told her we’d be there Monday night, we’d take her, my son and the baby out for tea so my daughter can say good bye to them. She messaged back that she plays sport Monday night and can’t make it. I replied that’s ok we’d take my son and the baby out for tea - then everything went to shit. Her mother rang my husband and gave him both barrels, told him our son wasn’t allowed to bring the baby on his own plus a heap of other BS. We rang our son and got a different story from him, then my hubby belted outside with the phone and took the rest of the call in secret, I tried messaging my sons partner, she wouldn’t reply - it was a massive over reaction to just going out for a meal.

Finally, my sons partner rang, she was all chirpy, said it was just a mis communication, fed me a heap of BS. In the end I said there was a quick fix to all this, can she skip her game for the night and just come with us - problem solved, end of drama. So she has decided to do that. I then said, so this is the end of this, plan is tea Monday night, this isn’t going to drag out for another week with more excuses. She agreed to these plans. I then asked if this is the kind of drama we’re to expect every time we want to see them? She said no, we are part of the babies life blah blah blah - lies lies lies. Meanwhile, hubby is trying to silence me on the phone with hand gestures, so I swung out and swiped him away - WTF is wrong with him ??!!

I feel like I’m living in the twilight zone. None of this makes sense. My anxiety this morning is so bad I thought I was having a heart attack. I felt like I had hands gripping on my rib cage trying to crush me.

The reason I was thinking of you was because I was thinking how easy and natural it is for you to have your beautiful little A in your life, this is how it should be, it shouldn’t have to be this battle all the time. I’ve run away from home this morning. I’m sitting by a river, water always feels calming to me, I’m trying to make sense of what’s happening, but it just doesn’t make any sense.

Please give your beautiful little A an extra big cuddle for me today, because I feel like if we do see our grand daughter Monday night it will be our final good bye too.

Aww beautiful @Razzle I’m emotional tiday too and I cried reading your post.

I just wish that you coukd have the same interaction and closeness to your grandchild like me. I so pray this for you. It hurts me to see you so upset. I know you would be an amazing grandma if only you had the chance. Gosh I’m so sorry 😢

wow your daughter leaving for overseas. I’m sure you’ll miss her and she miss you.

It makes me angry for you thst you’re still having a hard time with your sons partner. Do you think she’ll d er change? I just wish your son could tell her what she’s saying and doing is terrible. And as for her mum .... well 😡

you have so much going on I just wish I could hug you.

Ive given A a big cuddle from you. I really hope that next Monday isn’t the last time you see your son and bsby.

Sending love ❤️❤️

That was a huge step @BlueBay

After all when you were 12 you didn't feel okay and you felt unloved so telling your 12 year old self that she is loved and okay is a hard step because you have those same feelings today

But in the whole world there is only one person who can always be there for you and your 12 year old self and that is you. The rest of us can care and tell you that you are all the good things you are and could be but you have done that for yourself today

And of course you feel exhausted - I did this in therapy a long time ago - and yes - it is among the hardest things you will have to do but there is one important thing that the therapist is trying to get you to find

You have to heal the damaged child within yourself first - and that's hard but you can - you have come a long way today

Dec

Hi @Razzle

You are in a rotten position regarding your son and your grandchild - I hope your husband was able to talk sense into your son -

It sounds so bad that the other grandmother is so controlling - my guess is that she is a very insecure person and afraid that if she lets go of that grandchild she will lose her and that is really sad for her because that just might happen if your son seeks legal advice and he does have the right to the child himself and yes - he does have to meet certain criteria to have custody but then - so does the mother and this could be a very messy situation

Still - it's up to your son - it's really difficult when children insist on having children - it's rough enough when the whole family pitches in - harder when there is dissension

I understand your son is preparting for a career that will work out for him - maybe he is playing a quietly quietly game right now -

And your daughter going overseas - I hear you - this happens in families and it's great you can do your best for a good send-off for her

When one child dies the others become more precious - I understand this very well -

Thinking of you

Dec

Hi @Owlunar

it’s still hard even now as an adult - you’re right. I’m still scared. I’m still feeling abandoned. I’m still vulnerable.

Today was a very very small step. It was a very hard triggering session.

Yes my inner child is damaged. And I know it’s going to tdke a long time yo heal.

@Owlunar How are you ? How are managing with this cold weather. Tidsy has been icy cold. That wind is so strong.

How is your son in law?

Hello there @BlueBay

That sounds like a really intense psych appointment this morning. Well done ... you got through it !!!!

Sessions like that are completely exhausting ... both physically and emotionally.

I hope you can do something relaxing for yourself this afternoon and evening. It will take a while for your mind and body to process all that you went through this morning. I have been through a few similar sessions myself ... and sympathise with you on just how much it takes out of you.

@Razzle ... oh you poor thing ... such a difficult situation to be in with your son's partner and your grandchild. I cannot even imagine how hard that would be to endure. It must be so hard also for your son, to be the 'pickle in the sandwich' so to speak. I wish there was an easy way of dealing with people such as this, but there really isnt. Remain strong, and do your best not to jeopardise your relationship with your son. I have 6 (step)grandkids ranging in age from 6 to 20 and, although I only see them a couple of times a year due to tryanny of distance, I am lucky to have a very good relationship with both my step daughter and my step son and both their partners. So thankfully I do not have the intollerable issues that you are needing to deal with.

@Owlunar hello lovely one. Always a pleasure to read your inspiring posts.

Sherry 💕🌞

awwwwww my sister @BlueBay

my 12 yea old child comes up now and again , but then my 17 years self reminds me of things

@BlueBay @Owlunar @Former-Member

I ended up ringing my councillor today, even though I had lost trust in him, at least he knows what’s going on and I really needed help. He feels the same that we need to seek out legal advice, the other grandmother is toxic so we need to start protecting ourselves and our rights.

On top of everything that happened last night this other family has finally broken my son. He contacted me this afternoon, he had taken himself to a GP because he thinks he has depression. He has been put on meds, and has a referral to a psychologist. We have asked him to come home, he needs to get out of that house, but I don’t think he will. That family is poison

That’s good you called your counsellor @Razzle

Im sorry about your son. I hope he comes home. Sounds like his partner and her mum are very toxic controlling and manipulative.

Take care

thinking of you ❤️❤️

I’m feeling terrible and guilty for not responding to posts on here.

I sometimes struggle with whst to say. Sometimes I just hit the support button but it doesn’t mean I’m not listening or hearing you all. I just don’t know what to say. And a lot if the time I feel not superior or good st writing. Everyone writes better than me.

I feel so damn useless.

Anyway it it doesn’t matter. Just forget I even wrote this. 😢😢😢