not feeling good

I am so sorry you are in pain at the moment my friend @BlueBay.

What @Former-Member has written is fantastic. If you continue to have these feelings then read and re-read her post. We are all here for you and always walking alongside you

I am not able to talk much tonight but will be thinking of you and sending you lots of love and hugs.

Whatever happens for you on Friday, know that the support is here and you will have many friends helping you through whatever you are feeling.

Do what you need to do now for yourself - stay safe and know you are never alone.

Zoe

Thanks @Zoe7

You know this feeling is just like Christmas was. The fear of reaching that day, the mixed emotions I will feel. It is such a high and then that day will come and go. And so will my dad's birthday.

But it hurts 😞

I need to keep busy tomorrow otherwise I don't know what will happen. I had a horrible night last night, having nightmares of my parents; my mum arguing with me. It was horrible. Even one of the abusers was in my dream.

And I am struggling to breathe again with my asthma and had a shocking headache/migraine last night. Ended up taking 2 strong pain killers and went to bed.

My poor daughter has a sore throat, almost losing her voice and is not feeling too good. She is going to work today but only doing a few hours. She hopes she can have tomorrow off and Saturday so she can rest. That's the thing now being pregnant she can't take too much stuff to help her.

I better go and get ready for work, i wish i wasn't going but have to for the money. It sh'ts me when I feel so pressured to go to work because of finances; I feel I don't have any other option but to go. 😞

Hope you have a nice day, chat later my friend. xxx

Hi @Former-Member

I was just thinking this morning about tomorrow. And I thought I will let my hubby know that if I am teary or whatever emotion that it's because of my dad's birthday. And it would be nice to just leave me alone to cry, be sad, be angry etc etc. I think I need to do this for myself. I can't keep it in all the time.

I am just so angry of tghe situation; I am so sad but there is nothing i can do to change it.

i don't want to be emotionally abused,verbally attacked again by my mum. i can't go there again. Oh boy, i don't know why i am crying now as i am typing this to yoiu.

i better go; chat to you later. xxx

@BlueBay I understand the fears of upcoming events It becomes so overwhelming that you just don't know how you are going to get through the day. Then the day arrives and you struggle to navigate your way around in your mind. But as you said - the day passes - and you have got through it. It doesn't make it easier to think about or deal with but you do get to the other side. Sometimes it really is cathartic to let your emotions out before you move on - but that does also have a huge effect on you both physically and definitely mentally. Go with your emotions and remember the strength you have within you. You will get through this and we will be here to help you navigate your way through the day - in whatever way you need to deal with it for yourself

Yesterday really was a very busy day for me - I did too much - and was really struggling last night to stay on top of my anxiety and sliding mood. It was very windy and I was having horrible flashbacks and my fears were hitting a level they hadn't for a couple of weeks - really, really tough night. But I did sleep! And - surprisingly - I didn't have any nightmares. So I not only got through the day but the night also. I am only telling you this because if I could get through what I was going through last night then I certainly know that you can also. You are so much stronger than you recognise and I truly believe that once you have got through the next two days you will be able to see some of that strength within yourself also.

You have to go to work for finances - that is unavoidable - so don't put any more pressure on yourself today - just do what you need to do to get through the day - no expectations, no extra pressures - just work and self-care. You can do this - you have done it so many times before - and at the end of the day - go home and relax - look after yourself - and we will be here for you.

I know you will be worrying about your daughter but she is doing what she can to look after herself also - must get that strength from her Mum Try not to worry too much about her today - she will let you know if she needs you - and then you will be there for her to help her and look after her

You WILL get through this and you WILL be ok - and I will be walking right alongside you, holding you up and sending lots of hugs your way to help comfort you when you need them

Sending you one of those hugs and all my love today

Zoe

Hello @BlueBay

Hi @BlueBay

Sorry for the late reply - I have only returned home from my volunteering, it was very busy today. And this is the first chance I have had to read your post (haven't read any others yet).

I believe it is a good idea what you suggested about explaining to your husband why you need to be alone on your dads birthday. It's okay to cry, it's important to let it all out and allow yourself to grieve.

I understand your anger and pain - estrangement is harder to deal with emotionally and mentally than a natural death for the reasons I gave in my last post. And your response and grief I can relate to. And the anger of being treated so unfairly and coldly from your extended family - being cut off and left on the sidewalk so to speak for no good reason. That is shocking to the mind and heart. I feel for you.

Please know that you won't feel like this for the rest of your life. There will come a time where the intensity of the grief and anger will ease then eventually fade into the background. In time - your time.

I will pop on and off here tomorrow and will be there for you my friend if you should need me. @Faith-and-Hope@Zoe7@utopia@Shaz51 and others will be there also - beautiful people who care. You don't have to go through this alone and you are not alone. Sending warm hugs and lots of love xxxxxx🌹