not feeling good

@BlueBay Yes she is amazing. I say that all the time - but she really is. Not sure if I've told you before - told everyone else on here - but she checks in with me nearly everyday. I either have an appointment (which is usually the last one of the day because we always go way over the time allocation) or she texts or calls me on her days off and weekends. It definitely has been everyday for the last few weeks. I do seem to be feeling a little better during the day - really tired but better within myself. The nights are still the hardest but getting a little sleep now is making them just a little better to cope with. I don't seem to be waking up as distressed and not knowing what I will do to myself as a result so that is positive. For now just working through the lethargy and not getting too down on myself for not being able to do much during the day is important. The night time stuff I will start working through again next week when I go back to my psychologist - this is also going to be tough because I know how triggering it is and what effect it will have on me after the sessions. I try to have my GP appointment directly after I see my psych as she tends to help reduce my anxiety and fears a little.

I think you are doing an amazing job yourself this week - so much going on for you with your boys home, your daughters appointment, the rash and going back to work tomorrow - WOW - you really have done a great job. SOOOO proud of you my friend.

Hi @Zoe7

I have a feeling you are starting to feel a bit more calmer than previous weeks 🙂

You sure don't find many doctors like yours - fantastic

I'm working today, start at 9.30 and finish at 6pm 😞

It's a long day especially the very last hour, no one comes into the shop and it is dead boring!!!

I will take it easy today as I know my body is still trying to fight off whatever I have.

Not sure if i told you yesterday but my GP wants me to have the cyst/lump on my head removed. I am sh**ng myself as it's on the side (temple) and I am scared. He said if I don't have it taken out it will have the high chance of re-infecting again. I don't want that again. But i am not doing that until we work out if i have this Ross River virus.

I hope you have a nice easy day, take care, rest up whenever you can. Chat to you later my friend 🙂 xxoo

Hi @utopia@Faith-and-Hope@oceangirl@Former-Member@Owlunar

Well now that the boys are home my daughter decided she would tell them about the baby. She went and got her pregnancy tablets she is taking and hid it under her top. She went up to them both and said 'so boys do you think these vitamins are okay to take'. The look on their faces - so so funny. They were both laughing and saying 'no it's not true, youre joking'. They can't believe it. I told them yes its true, but they kept laughing to each and not believing it. I told them 'guys you are both going to be uncles!!!.

I don't think they will believe it until they see a photo of the scan. 🙂 🙂

So funny.

@BlueBay Your boys must have wondered what they had come back to!! Wish I could have seen the looks on their faces when your daughter told them - sounds like it was a really 'feel good' moment

I do think I am starting to turn the corner a bit Even when I was not getting tired last night I was not worrying too much about it. The high level of anxiety that I usually feel was more controllable last night - didn't get stuck 'in my head' and let it get out of control - that is real progress

I wish everyone could have the same kind of doctor I have - so supportive and so caring. It really makes a difference to know that someone is doing absolutely everything they can possibly do (and a little bit more) to help you.

I would probably do the same as you and wait for the test results to make a decsion about removing the lump. Try not to worry about it until then and if you do need it removed we can sh*t ourselves together - I know I would be if I was you - so I'll try and share the scared factor with you to take some of it away!

Take it easy at work - hope it doesn't drag out too much for you.

Chat later

Zoe

What a fun family moment @BlueBay sounds like your daughter took the boys by surprise! Surprises and gifts all round 🙂

Hi everyone

i can't understand how my emotions and thoughts can go from one extreme to another so quickly.

It's my dads 80th birthday this coming Friday and I have so much mixed emotions and thoughts of what i could do so i could see him. but those thoughts are really bad inclluding SH so i don't know about that.

i just want to see him, i want him to be part of his great grandchild's life. but that won't happen.

i can't believe i am even thinking like this. i can't write on here what my horrible negative thoughts of doing are because i don't want to worry you all.

i was thinking that maybe i need to ring my psych tomorrow. i wish this was just a drream.

i went to work and had a terrible headache all day, actually i still have. i hope i can get the results back from my blood test tomorrow but it may be too soon.

Hi @BlueBay

Sending you a warm hug. The grief of estrangement is just agony at times, I know. With a natural death we know that person had no control over leaving us. But with estrangement those feelings of abandonment and even anger when we know we didn't do anything to deserve being treated so coldly, can do ones head in as there is no closure, no inner peace; and people who haven't experienced estrangement will never get this. The grief and anger so bad in my case that eventually I had to let go or go mad. I let go, but in time.

Let yourself grieve my friend, everyone's time frame for that is different. Your Dads birthday is coming up and that will be a trigger....Let yourself cry as much as you need. But don't self harm - as that will only hurt the ones that love you and are with you now and I know you don't want them hurting as you are. But let yourself grieve the way that helps you to let it all out.

There will come a day where you will say to yourself "enough". I have had enough of this pain and you will let it go. Resign to what is. But for now we are here for you and will walk this journey together. Lots of love ❤️

Thank you @Former-Member for your reply. I appreciate it so much.

I think at times i could handle if my parents weren't here anymore. But this enstrangement and grief is worse, I think. Can't explain.

Thank you for the hugs, I don't know how i will be on Friday. I know it will be hard for not sure what i will do.

i may need to chat or be with you and the others on Friday, so i am not alone.