not feeling good

very true my sister @oceangirl

thinking of you as you go for your appt xxxx

@BlueBay, still sitting with you

Hi @BlueBay

I have had some technical problems today but I have read what a bad day it has been for you. There is no need to talk about it unless you want to and it's enough that you have let us know

I will chat later - sending best thoughts

Dec

Will I ever get over my childhood abuse?

will I ever forgive the abusers?

will I ever understand my mum?

and me. Will I ever understand why me?

my head is spinning

negativity increasing

i can’t understsnd

I’m angry

I need to lash out

@Owlunar @Shaz51 @oceangirl @Razzle @Former-Member @Ali11

Those are difficult and subjective questions @BlueBay, everyone is different in their experiences, their circumstances that affect their resilience and their resilience even if they do have all the love, support and time to work on healing. There are definitely a lot of schools of thought on things that may help, and it seems that for a lot of people it's trying each of those paths until piece by piece you feel better. Very sorry to hear you're struggling after that session, it can be an intensely raw feeling to open up like that and let out those stories. Something that can help is to remind yourself that while those experiences shaped you, they are not you. You are a wonderful human being, who shows so much warmth, compassion and love for your fellow forum members. You bring value to this community, and many on here miss you when you're not around and enjoy your thoughts when you are. There's a lot of love for you in this thread alone, and we're all here lifting you up when you're feeling down If you feel up to it later, maybe giving one of those numbers a call could be good so you can sound out some thoughts with someone there.

Also wanted to mention that it's great to hear the email with your psych went better than expected. Someone mentioned on here somewhere the other day that part of building resilience is remembering not to assume negativity in situations, because it's often only our own internal perception. Sounds like the chat with the psych was a good reminder of this

I’m so over work

to be ignored and people talk in corners makes me feel they’re talking about me

I’m staying away

i hate tiday

wish I could disappear

no one at wirk to replace me when I’m sick on a Monday

next time I’m sick I am NOT going in

akways I go in because I’m made to feel guilty if I don’t

I’m angry right now I need to breathe

one particular co-worker is annoying the crap out of me today

i wish I could run away from this crap life that haunts me so much

@Ali11 @Owlunar @Shaz51 @oceangirl @Razzle

Hi there @BlueBay

It sounds like you are having a really difficult day there at work. If you are feeling unable to manage those feelings on your own please remember that you can reach out to crisis services sunch as those below;

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

big breath my sister @BlueBay

don`t let other people get too you my friend , you are wonderful , awesome , caring , beautiful

here for you xxxx

You know what hurts me the most @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Ali11 @Owlunar @oceangirl

my so called friend st wirk. She irritates me she makes me feel hopeless and stupid. I don’t feel appreciated.

Im not having a good week. I’m so angry I want to hurt myself to get rid of the pain.

No one understands

i feel so useless

@BlueBay you are very appreciated here my sister

I have a so called friend -- she only wants to be my friend when she wants to be friends --

you have had not a good week BUT we can get through this together

you are strong and amazing my darling xxxx

---

@BlueBay wrote:

You know what hurts me the most @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Ali11 @Owlunar @oceangirl

my so called friend st wirk. She irritates me she makes me feel hopeless and stupid. I don’t feel appreciated.

Im not having a good week. I’m so angry I want to hurt myself to get rid of the pain.

No one understands

i feel so useless

---

Hi @BlueBay

I am having a crappy week myself so we are in this together - but maybe we don't understand a lot of the stuff you have in your life - I don't know how you feel about the abuse because I never was abused in that way - but I try to understand your feelings -

I am not up to much today - but this "so-called friend" - if you feel this way when she is around she's not a friend - people who hopelessness and uselessness and lack of appreciation are toxic - we don't need them but sometimes we have to work with them

Have you ever watched the movie Mean Girls? - I have - several times - and when people huddle together muttering I think they could be talking about anything but their attitude is a type of bullying - I have to think about that but my stance would be to walk passed them saying "Gossiping again - girls" and not wait for a reaction - but I understand if you are not ready for that yet

I don't really understand SH though - my son did this to himself but I didn't know what it was at the time - the little I do know is that there is something inside that causes some people to hurt themselves for a moment it feels helpful but then people feel worse. Needing to do that must feel horrible

And - if you are ill on a Monday - you take time off for your own sake - it's not your problem if there are not enough emergency staff - actually there are agencies that provide fill-in staff - I did this in accounts for years - it's not your problem truly - but it is your problem if you work when you are not up to it -

I know people cave into that pressure - eg - "Please - pl-ea-se come into today - we don't have anyone else to to do this shift" - they can find someone -

Yes - you think of yourself as a people-pleaser - I have thought about that expression and I don't think I had heard it before you mentioned it. Actually we all please people sometimes - it's natural - but we can't do it all the time and at our expense

Take it easy BlueBay - we think you are pretty fantastic actually - I read this all the time - people here can see you battling on against the odds when you are really not up to it and the battle seems overwhelming

I have written more than I thought I was up too - I was just going to write a short post

You are a worthwhile person BlueBay - I know you will never get over your abuse when you were a child and yes - "Why me?" is a relevant question - but we need to get past our ghosts and shadows and live our lives around them - we need to take their power - but it will always hurt - I understand that completely

Dec