not feeling good

Thankyou @Razzle @Former-Member @saturnzoon @oceangirl @Shaz51

@Former-Member @Ali11

I’m struggling with what I went through yesterday in my session. I talked about my childhood abuse and my stuffed up toxic family especially my brother. I couldn’t talk to my psychologist as I was sobbing so much snd the words couldn’t come out.

Eventuslly after 1 1/2 in session we finished up. I was and still am exhausted. The anger the hate the coming to terms with whst happened to me several times. The hate of my mum her toxic behaviour towards me. My realisation that yes I have a mentsl illness and it hurts to accept.

So much was discussed.

today I sm flat. I still have thoughts that I should t be here anymore. Still want to do badly sh - but I haven’t.

Thankyou for your support. I just need to get my head around my childhood trauma and the “whys snd what ifs”

god im sngry.

I also saw my psych yesterday and he totally understood my email i sent him. He said we can move forward. He wasn’t angry eith me like my head was telling me.

Im so over all this. I am finding it hard to accept that I have BPD as well as depression anxiety and ptsd. I struggle.

I feel shame when I think about my life. My mentsl Illness

so much thoughts through my head at the moment.

Mite too hard and too long to write.

I hate a lot of things at the moment. I just want to cry 😢

Hey @BlueBay,

It sounds like you are going through such a difficult time at the moment, things seem really overwhelming by the sounds of it and i am really sorry about this. Your resilience is really admirable and I am so happy that you find comfort in the forums.

Just a gentle reminder of the below numbers:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Thankyou @Former-Member

I’m not sure what life is meant yo look like anymore. It’s too caught up with the past traumas and my mum.

I just want to go away

be alone dnd think of life

I’m not dealing with yesterday very well

thanks fir the phone numbers but I just can’t ring them

everything seems to hard

sitting with you my sister @BlueBay

I can’t cope @Shaz51 im so overwhelmed with the abuse.

@BlueBay I hear so much of what you’re saying, I can relate so much as well. When I think about my past I burn with shame, my head fills with questions, did I do something to make it happen? Those questions aren’t helpful but they still pop into my head. I often wonder what life would be

like if these things never happened, but those thoughts aren’t helpful either, nothing can be achieved when I think like that.

I noticed on the Topic Tuesday thread there is a spot light on the Blue Knot Foundation this month. If I understand it correctly, there is a link to be able to ask questions that they will try and answer. The questions can be asked annonimously, maybe you could ask the questions swimming around in your mind, just for your own sense of peace, questions you can’t ask out load to your own support network. May be helpful, maybe not but might be worth taking a peak.

I know when I first spoke about my CSA to my councilor for the very first time, it was so terrible. A combination of fear, embarrassment, shame, anger, anxiety and so much sadness. I can understand how flat you would feel today, it’s a terrible feeling. You have a beautiful little cherub in A, give her a huge hug and know that in this shitty world you have something so perfect to hold.

Take care BB ❤️❤️

Ayla is your life my sister @BlueBay

your daughter , your sons

think of the funny and adorable thing that ayla has done

Thanks so much for sharing the upcoming event @Razzle! Just thought I'd add the link here: Ask Us Anything: Service Spotlight: Blue Knot Helpline

This event is open for a week from Monday 27 May and members are welcome to post questions about the service or organisation to that thread throughout that week. Blue Knot will respond to questions each day! If you don't feel comfortable posting a question you are also welcome to submit an anonymous question via the link in the event details. One of the community managers will post it on your behalf. It's also good to note that while we will be discussing the Helpline service and related topics, Blue Knot will not be offering counselling during this Spotlight.

Great to see the support here, keep connecting @BlueBay we are all sitting with you 🌻

Thanks @Former-Member

i csnt say anymore at the moment

it’s too hard and hurtful and emotional

I can’t release my anger

Why am I like this

@BlueBayYou will have our support here. You're amazing- and what happen to you was wrong and has nothing to do with you. I am also learning about my emotions too- perhaps we could help each other with this- I don't know how but surely we can work it out. The emotions you are feeling are the right ones for you. I know, it maybe not seem possible atm but perhaps looking to the future and to new beginnings. I have appointment to go to soon but I will back online later today sometime.