not feeling good

That is so disappointing @BlueBay - you had the chance to let your therapist know about Huffnpuff while he was there to hear and you let him rant and rave - but -

Big but - your therapist has been listening to you so I guess she heard him too - ranting about this and that and not getting to the real point - like -

There are bills to pay and he doesn't take an extra step to pay them - just expecting you to do it all - we know this - you know this - he knows this - I am pretty sure the therapist knows this

But why did you sit there and fume? I don't understand - this was your chance to talk about the issues in your marriage and you let it get past you - I am so disappointed - you must be so disappointed - aw sheesh - I hope you can get another chance

This is me feeling very disappointed for you

I missed the bus - I wonder when the next one will be

I know you are not going to end your life BlueBay - that is your self-harm working - but I understand how that works - I think this is what you have to work on with your therapist next time - can you email her in the meantime and tell your how badly you feel about all of this - I think you need to if you feel as if you need to end your life

We've been through this before - it doesn't end the pain - it just spreads it around - you are not going to hurt your kids - I know that - but you want Huffnpuff to understand how unhappy you are and I really get that - it's obvious - but he won't get it that way - you need to tell him - and tell him - and make him hear you because all of this is so destructive and hurting you so much -

This is not the way to live - bottling it all up inside

This is sad BlueBay - just sad - another chance has to be made - you are very good at letting us know how desperate you feel - I am sure your therapist knows -

And you tell me it's really hard to make him listen - I know - I told my ex-h life wasn't working for us for years until we separated - he didn't understand - he had not been listening

And they say there are none so deaf as those who will not hear - actually my mother refused to wear her hearing aids - I guess there is no law that says people must listen but this is true too - there are consequences - this you need to talk about with your therapist asap

We hear though

Sending my best thoughts through cyber-space

Dec

Sad - sad sad sad

Hi @Meowmy

You write beautiful things - I can sense a light within you that I have within myself - it's actually incredible to read about it

An inner light sustains usI'm really glad your therapy sessions worked so well for you and that you had some peace afterwards after such a long time - 25 years - that's a quarter of a century - a long time in the wilderness

I wish you the best for coninuing improvement - and wondeful to read - actually

Dec

@Owlunar @BlueBay @Former-Member @MDT @Former-Member I practiced delayed gratification. Just had morNing coffee now at midday. Continue to feel the peace. Now treating myself for a toasted ham,cheese and tomato sandwich out.

Wish you all a good day, something of a treat.

@Former-Member @Meowmy @BlueBay @Owlunar Sending you all some light for your afternoon

Hi @Owlunar

I just saw your post didn’t get notification.

@Zoe7 @Meowmy @Former-Member @Razzle @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope

I’ve calmed down now. Can now see the things I should have said but hopefully next time he’ll come again.

We decided together eith my psychologist that we do something together once a month. And surprise each other. The bills we agreed thst they all go in a basket and once a week he is to go through them. And deal eith them.

Also hubby wants me to let him know when I’m not coping mentally. So he can come home early or call and check on me. He didn’t understand why I call my doctor. The psychologist asked if I could do that. I agreed but told hubby that I ring my doctor when I’m really bad or want to sh. He hadn’t heard that from me before.

It’s my fault that I haven’t let him in but I find it very different talking to my dictir. Hubby agreed that he may not help or know what to say.

I got angry because I told my therapist thst our intimacy is non-existent and it’s possibly the meds, menopause and hormones. She agreed. His comment was oh I initiate but nothing happens and I don’t want to upset her. Initiating is not a finger pointing on my back!!! Thsts not the way to go if he wants sex or being intimate.

She did ask him if he knew what BPD was and he said that I get upset really quickly.

The therapist explained BPD and about my past abuse and it affects me to the core. And when emotional angry etc it can take a longer time than him to calm down.

He then understood. He told her that he’s scared to say things to me in fear of hurting or upsetting me. The psychologist replied no he needs to tell me, he can’t hide it or walk on eggshells snd thst I need to talk more as well. She explained it’s hard that communication is hard.

So we walked away with a few things to think about.

I did tell him that when I’m feeling sick and ask him to call an ambulance I need him to listen to me snd huff and puff snd get angry with me.

He told the therapist that it’s a waste of time. But she disagreed and said it’s my health and wish to call an ambulance and he needs to oblige.

I know I’m not perfect and he isn’t either. We have a lot to work on.

I am disappointed I didn’t say more. But he will come to another session so we can update my therapist.

He said he liked her and was happy to come again.

Last night I got very angry. I am sorry to write what I did.

I shouldn’t write what I did on here.

I cant contact this psychologist. I see her sgsin in two weeks.

I’m seeing my psychiatrist on Tuesday and I’ll ask him about meds and no intimacy.

My blood pressure is still everywhere at the moment.

Im really sorry if I worried anyone last night. It’s wrong of me but at the time that’s how I felt.

I did talk through emails eith @Former-Member and I did hsve a good cry last night and this morning at 5am when I couldn’t sleep.

Hi there @BlueBay

Thanks so much for your update today. I was very concerned about you last night.

Well ... your joint psych session yesterday sounds like it was a really productive session.

Things to work on ... yes ... but thats what its all about. Well done you.

Really pleased to hear that you have calmed down now and that you can see things very differently to how you did yesterday. Proud of you. ✅

Sherry 🌺

@Former-Member @Former-Member @Zoe7 @Owlunar @MDT @eudemonism Glad you are feeling better. Please remember all the people care for you when you feel despair. I know what it's like to feel like that. I practiced delayed gratification well today. Second coffee at five pm. Got through busy work on too.

Going out with some friends tonight. Looks this psychologist thing is working.

Wish you all a good evening. Talk soon.

Have a great night out @Meowmy and let us know how it goes later

Thankyou @Former-Member I’m sorry I worried you last night.

Productive session with lots of learning thinking and changing.

Hope you are doing ok and your husband too ❤️