not feeling good

This is so hard right now @BlueBay. You have had such a big and tough day. Please look after yourself tonight.

Just a quick reminder - if you need to talk about it or are feeling like you can't keep safe, please reach out.

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

If in immediate danger: 000

still here with you @BlueBay

@Jupiter @Shaz51

im going to log off.

I need time to myself for a while

some days/nights are harder than others. Tonight I’m overwhelmed scared emotional and angry

@Shaz51 my sis thsnkyiu for everything xxx

I need time alone to sort through my very negative head

ok my sister @BlueBay

might be good to be in bed xoxo

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@BlueBay wrote:

Right now all I can hear is bloody hubby ranting and raving about shit stupid stuff.

I need to get away. Can anyone help me go away?

So much pent up shit from tiday.

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Hi @BlueBay

You sound terribly confused and distressed - I would like to say again that this is too much right now - you need to get into hospital for that plan set up last year and get away from home for a while - to me it seems you are at the end of your tether

You need to be alone so badly yet it's not good for you to be at home alone when Huffnpuff goes off with his mate for the day - how can you manage this?

So - as well as really re-thinking about hospital what else can you do?

Why not get in your car and drive off - just get away and have time to yourself? - it doesn't have to be running away stuff - just driving off with your own space and have your own time and either cry or read - take a walk alone if you feel as if that would help - I know you find that hard but it is a good thing to do - I did that once actually - I was away for three days - a long time ago now

And would it hurt to smash a few things? - I did that at a really dark time in my life and it released so much anger. Another time I kicked a pillow around and around the house yelling - I was alone - the anger can build up so much we need to find an active but harmless way of releasing it

Mostly - to me it seems as if you are stuck - and you need to get out of that dark place where the trauma of your past holds you - I wonder if this therapy helps at all - you seem to have it recommended - but you seem destroyed after a session

I looked up trauma on the internet - so much to read there - so just type "trauma" into your browser and read some of it - the word actually means "wound" and you are terribly wounded by your past. You need to heal but to me - and this is just me thinking - going over and over it all is exhausting for you - it drags everything out and you have washing-machine/spin-dryer syndrome afterwards and is anyone helping you with that heavy-as-a-wet-towel - wrung out - flattened-like-a-pan-cake misery you have afterwards

I didn't write last night - Fridays are always busy for me - I couldn't focus on it - but I thought about it when I woke up this morning - I gave it a lot of thought -

So I do hope some of this can help you get time to yourself in a healthy, constructive way - sitting out here reading what you write seems to be a letter in a bottle from a desert island - I wonder if other people feel the same about your situation. We can read what you write and from different angles understand you but all we can do is throw another bottle with another message back and hope it gets to you

And I know what you really want - but the past can't be changed - you did not cause what happened to you - you are not at fault - it was a crime against you and justice has never been served -

How I understand that - I so do

Dec

@BlueBay @Owlunar

I really feel for you BlueBay. Lovely response Dec.

💕🍀🌺

Sherry

Thanks @Former-Member

Hi @Razzle

Thanks for your reply - I do care - I have a big life-story myself and I have overcome so much of it - and it goes on helping when I know what I write helps other people feel as if they are being heard - that someone is listening

My sister is so toxic I really don't want anything else to do with her forever but alas - in families there are gathering at which there will be people we would rather not see - and this was the case with my SonIL's birthday a few months back - and my sister was there and I did not make any effort to speak to her - but eventually she spoke to me - and although I had been talking with young men who had known my son when he was alive I could still see where my sister was and also - when she did speak to me I was shocked at how she looked - well dressed as always but she looked ill - terribly thin and stooped even though she is several years younger than me

But I know she would rather be unhappy for the rest of her life rather than share anything helpful with me - a coupld of years ago there was a funeral and there was the "last straw" moment - I'd had enough - but there will be more funerals - there are still a lot of old people in the family

And I feel the rug being pulled from under my feet as well - sorry to rant - I can hear you have similar feelings about family events and people you would rather not see will be there - aw - it does happen - I get it.

I had a rough patch last week but I seem to have recovered - the end of the week was a lot better than the beginning - and as for your leg - it can only be managed at this stage I guess - I never thought of a DVT being so big before - really - I had not given them much thought - but yes - that is why we need to wiggle our toes on long air flights -

It just occurred to me - about the people we have to meet at family gatherings - are not feeling the same or does the tension not occur to them at all - I saw my ex-h at a party at my daughter's house years ago - I have nothing at all to day to him - I have said it all - our marriage was sad mostly - but I actually enjoyed talking to his wife - she is a really nice perso

Now that's a good thing -

All the best Raz

Dec

What are they really thinking about?Family gatherings are mixed blessings - too much at the one time - aw - it can suck but there are good parts there too

Hi @Owlunar @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Razzle @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 and others reading this -

this morning I had a ciffee with 3 friends. I started to get a thumping headache. I left snd crossed the road to my doctor. He wasn’t in but the lovely female was. Within 5 mins the headache turned into a horrible pounding pain. The dictir put me into a bed in their treatment room and she examined me. I couldn’t open my eyes. The psin was too much. She was worried so called for an ambulance. The mica turned up. They gave me some pain killers and an injection. They decided that I would go to the bigger hospital and not the small one close to home.

The receptionist rang hubby. She told me thst he would meet me at the hospital.

I was in so much psin thst the paramedics gave me some strong psin meds through a nasal spray.

Got to hospital and I’ve been sleeping with a towel over my eyes for a while. Dr did a few tests ruled out stroke. Blood pressure is good.

Mire meds and iv fluid.

Now I can go home. Dr said if it returns then come back.

I rang hubby to see where he is as I thought he would be here. He says to me ”why are you in hospital”. I told him I have a migraine. His response “they took you in an ambulance to hospital fir just a migraine “. I was so angry and said to him it’s very painful It’s nit just a normal headache.

Thdn he says “we’ll have they given you anything”. I felt like saying no they just keep me here for fun!!!!

they are now discharging me. Waiting fir hubby to pick me up.

@Owlunar I will read your reply to me later. Thankyou @Former-Member for your kind words

I have a feeling all this weeks stress has caused this terrible migraine.

At least now I can open my eyes and the lights don’t affect me.

❤️ @BlueBay ....