not feeling good

It is in the low 20s so far today but a bit overcast - certainly muggier than yesterday when it was a bit hotter @BlueBay I need to get out on the garden and pull out some weeds - it is all growing really well apart from a cuple of plants that haven't taken - I do have 2 plants in pots that I can replace those with though. Still got a few plants to put in hanging baskets but don't have the energy for that today. I am pretty exhausted today - even though I loved being able to take Toby to the beach yesterday I think it was a bit much after the longer day at work - so resting up this afternoon and just doing what I can when I can. How is Jersey coping in the heat you have had?

Jersey was ok yesterday @Zoe7

I wet her down eith the hose before I left for work. And when I got home at 2pm she raced inside where it was much cooler.

I hope you get your planting done this afternoon.

Chat later xx

Think I am too tired to do the gardening today @BlueBay but maybe tomorrow when I have recovered a bit more. Chat later Hon xxx

Sheesh - I am glad you have told us @BlueBay - this is all such a mess - you are just being pushed past your limits - or so it seems to me - and no one should drive when they are angry -

That whole scenario was bad - and you were pushed into it - the only mistake you made was doing what you were told when you were in no frame of mind to do so - so this thing about making decisions is really important -

I don't want you to blame yourself over this - but had things gone badly it would have been terrible and I am glad it did not - so you did avoid an accident but there's something I must ask - something you may not know - probably don't - so

When you delivered those packs did you drive the company car or your own car? If your boss is sending you out in your own car then you are not covered by insurance - and this is where you have done something you didn't know about so don't get upset about not being able to do anything right because you didn't know.

Seriously though - it is really not good to drive when you are angry and I agree - being so often given the shit-jobs and going out in the traffic on such a rotten day as yesterday was - and a Friday - when you were feeling so off-colour - no - it's a responsible and adult thing to tell your boss you can't drive -

I don't remember being told how to make decisions either - until you wrote about your mother not teaching you how to make decisions I never thought about it - really - I remember making some and they would work out and other times I would get into trouble and often had no idea what I had done wrong and at some stage in my childhood I worked out that my mother really didn't understand things well - and had a lot of problems herself and I just went along learning as I went -

And you know - I made some really crappy life-choices - but a lot of things can be corrented or lived with and some of them just plain bad yet that's life and we can only do our best and it's not our fault if things go badly - but we learn by making mistakes

And driving when you were so angry was a mistake and luckily no harm was done - you did well to share

Now don't get upset and say you can't do anything right - you can make good choices and the proof is in your family and what great kids they are -

I see you as incredibly vulnerable - unsure of yourself - and it seems that the professional people around you are figuring it all out themselves as they go along

I really am not a mother-figure - I understand you look up to me but this is too hard because I am ordinary - I just have some more wisdom than a lot of people and I am older - I have had time to learn. I have been through the mill and know that other people make choices for us and expect us to do what they demand

But you know - you said - you feel as if you are not being listened to -

And I am on your side - but to come back and chat with you I knew I would have to be straight with you -

And I will be - I will always be straight with you - I will always be honest

Dec

Hi @Owlunar

I read your part about insurance for my car. You made me think so I rang RACV and they said I’m covered. So that’s good. But yes I have no idea how I ended up on the wrong side of the road. And yes I shouldn’t have kept driving while angry. Nit the smartest thing to do.

i feel thst slowly my doctor is h understanding what BPD is like. And he hears it when I’m vulnerable because I tell him so often. I will tell him when I see him this week.

Thanks @Owlunar for being so honest. 😊

Hi @Owlunar@Zoe7@Razzle@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope

im going to my work Xmas dinner. Could have easily stayed home but I’ve made the effort to go. Hoping the night goes well.

Hope you all have a good night. Chst tomorrow. Xxxxx

I hope you enjoy the dinner @BlueBay It will be nice to get out and also show your workmates that you are making the effort - sometimes that, even though it is hard, goes a long way ...and you never know - you might actually have fun.

I hope you enjoy tonight @BlueBay

Morning @Shaz51@Zoe7@Owlunar@Razzle

well I went to the Xmas party. It was ok. I’m sat on our stores table and the other store had another table. But the problem with thst is no interaction between stores. It’s been like that fir a few years where it’s us and them. Really awkward when socialising.

But I went had dinner chatted and even laughed!!

today we need to fix our back garden with more plants and sleepers.

Hope you all have a nice day. Chat later xxxxx