not feeling good

@Zoe7

Psychologist appt - tears whole session. Overwhelmed talked about money lack of. My childhood abuse. My hubby and his lack of support. My feeling guilty fir not working more. It’s all my fault. My dad not well.

Psychiatrist appt - me stopping my night meds. Why? Self sabotage fir wanting people to care fir me. He suggested hospital to change meds. Told him my sh sbd suicude thoughts. He said he can see how I think it’s my fault fir finances bad but I shouldn’t blame myself. He told me I’m improving but I csnt see it. Tears again. He has some meds sample that he’ll give to me in hospital to try.

Im just exhausted. Csnt think. Came home to find no dinner organised. Clothes still on line and hubby just woke up from a nap after work. He’s now gone yo get dinner.

My headache is still there I want to go to bed snd cry. I csnt ckntrol my emotions they are so up snd down.

I don’t snd csnt hear anymore from hubby about nit being able to do anything around the house because if no money. Because I blame myself.

@Former-Member

Hsvent reached out fir help or my safety plan.

Im so overwhelmed. I just want to shut all my problems out of my head. I want it sll to stop.

I'm hearing that it is all too much and too overwhelming at the moment @BlueBay. Do you feel there is something you could do on your safety plan, or a way you could reach out, that is manageable for you at the moment?

You stopping your meds doesn't help you or anyone @BlueBay The only person you hurt is yourself Hon. You have been doing well on here lately in reaching out for support and you know we are here for you but you also need to help yourself by taking your meds.

It has beena really tough day - psychologist days always are for you but add in the psychiatrist visit also and that makes it even harder. It is a lot to get through in one day and it is no wonder you are emotional. It does still seem like hubby doesn't get how much this all affects you. I know finances are not great and that can have very negative impacts on us - maybe it is time to ask youor boys to contribute a bit more for bills and not just food - something to think about BB.

I don’t know @Former-Member

im too overwhelmed I csnt think. I might try to go online snd chst later. If not I’ll go to bed early. I’m too emotional. I csnt tslk I don’t know what to say.

My psychologist wants me to write a letter to my brother who sexually abused me as a 9 yr old. Hiw the hell do i do thst. I need to release all this pent up emotion but I’m scared I’ll lose the plot and break down.

@Zoe7 I am now taking my meds. He has taken one off but wants me to def stsy on them.

The letter to your brother is a way for you to get out everything that you feel BB - sometimes the hardest things to do are exactly what we need to do. The pain is consuming you and stopping you from moving forward - putting your feelings down in words is part of the process here of dealing with that pain. There is nothing or no-one that can take that pain or those thoughts away and it becomes more learning ways to deal with it - only then can you see any light or a way to move forward. I still struggle with this kind of pain too Hon - it is excruciating at times but slowly I am learning ways to cope and I believe you can too. Trust in your psychologist as I know you do your GP to help you with this @BlueBay Hugs and hugs

sending you hugs my sister @BlueBay, I am going to bed , I am feeling arrrrrgggg @Former-Member

I’m struggling to think

@Zoe7@Former-Member@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope

Sometimes you don't need to think @BlueBay you just need to BE. Can youo get an early night BB?

Morning @Zoe7@Shaz51

I ended up falling asleep on the couch for two hours then went to bed and fell asleep. I woke up once. I feel ok this morning and no headache.

I’m home today as I’m having the monitor put on. Ayla is having her 12 month injection today and she’ll come around when finished. A friend is calling through for a coffee this afternoon which will be nice.

@Shaz51 Hope your mum is ok. I read she’s bsvk in hospital. It must be stressful for you.

@Zoe7 Did you sleep well?

Any plans for today?