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not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

not feeling good

At the moment i am not feeling good. i feel like my body is in 'run away mode'. i feel my body is running on a high, my head is so mixed up. i have to go to bed and try to sleep, but don't know if i can.

my hormones are everywhere at the moment; my mood is sky high negative. i can't deal with this anymre. all of a sudden i am not feeling good. i think it is anxiety.

i don't know why i feel like this; i just want to cry but can't becsue everyone is home. i am going to bed. i don't know what is going on. actually maybe it is anxiety because i felt like passing out today.

I went to my GP to have my mirena IUD taken out as I had had enough. But he couldn't find the string, so he sent me for a ultrasound. Had that and the guy said i had two fibroids and a cyst on my ovary. but he couldn't find the string either, so had to have an xray to find the metal piece. they didn't tell me anything. but while waiting i was so anxious i almost passed out.

so now i have to wait for tomorrow when my GP will call me at work and let me know what will happen now. hopefully he can take the mirena out. i don't know.

my body is reacting to my anxiety - i feel so shaky, i need to stop. no point telling anyone at home becasue (a) they won't believe me and (b) they prob wouldn't care.

sorry, i had to tell someone. i feel so alone 😞

12926 replies

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In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Right now I don't care anymore about anything. Everyone is annoying me. Wish I could go away.
I hate life I hate me and my stupid depression sucks big time and my stupid stupid bpd. I'll never get over this.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

@BlueBay

Yes you will ❣

Others have ....

Maybe consider going to the Worry Room thread when you are feeling like this and really fire off about how you feel .... ? The purpose of that thread is to spit it all out and leave it there. It might be helpful for you to do that.

❤️

In response to: not feeling good

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

After dinner @BlueBay - put on some appropriate music - close your eyes - and picture that tropical island. Pucture it in detail. The size of it. The colour of the sand. What types of plants and birds are on your island?
What is your accommodation like? Is it a basic hut with a large comfy bed overlooking the lagoon. Or is it a hut on stilts deep in the forest canopy.
When your thoyghts start intruding - push them to the side. Back to your island paradise.
Only you can invite people onto this island.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Hello @BlueBay

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

@utopia

my island is a tiny one far away from ev eryone.it has lots of palm trees. the water is crystal clear blue and the sand is bright yellow. there are coloured tiny shells everywhere just like a rainbow.

the green of the palms and plants are amazingly beautiufl. i am sitting on a rocking chair made between two palm trees. I close my eyes and can feel the summer breeze, the coolness of the air sweeping on my face, my hair is moving ever so lightly.

for now i am just closing my eyes and taking in the soft noise of the waves. i am at peace here, i am here to feel the positive in my life.

@Faith-and-Hopei have gone to the worry room and i have ranted but there is a bit more to write, will go back on in a minute.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

hello my friend @Shaz51 xxxooo

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

your island sounds lovely @BlueBay xx

soooo relaxing

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Hi @Former-Member

thank you for your reply to me, i really appreciate it. I don't allow myself to be me because my husband won't allow me to be me. he hates when i cry, he tells me to shush up. he doesn't communicate to me at all; doesnt ask me how i am feeling, doesn't ask how my sessions are going. so i feel that he is not interested.

Awe @Former-Member i am sorry for what you are going through. It is so tough when you go to a session and everything comes out and then you get so scared that you fall apart. i think that is what i am scared of - opening up too much and then breaking down. Don't be sorry for writing to me what you feel; that's okay i am here for you too, remember we all support each other on here. i hope your session went okay and you feel alright.

Sleep well tonight @Former-Member we can catch tomorrow. xxxoooo

In response to: not feeling good

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

@BlueBay. Sorry. Got interrupted by a 50 minute ph call. I can talk!!! Lol.
Your island sounds beautiful. Picturesque. Soothing. Ideal.
I love the rocking chair. I've always loved sitting in a rocking chair. But to have one between two palm trees and to hear the waves - sounds like pure heaven.
I'm so glad you were able to go there and picture your island.
It's comforting to have a special place to go - even just in our mind. And it's a great tool to use and to add to your comfort box.
If you listen to a you tube ap - of waves at the same time - you might enjoy that.
The more you do it - the easier it is to conjur up. That's why I suggest the waves lapping on the shore ap. Every time you hear that - it can help put you onto your tropical island.
I have my own special place - by a creek - lush green - slow moving water - birds (especially Cockies - I find them a comfort). It's a bit like a dream image. Anything can be there - it doesn't have to be logical.
But I can always feel the sun and the breeze - and they are always gentle.
Way to go @BlueBay. You now have your special place - that is all yours and is safe.
♥♥

In response to: not feeling good

DecadianSenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay

Yes - take a little time to day-dream and try a little "terraforming" - and create your own private desert island where you can have all the privacy in the world and any luxury you want

I do this from time to time - it's all in my imagination - but I can enjoy my isolation with my fun stuff with no one to comment

Huffy Puffy Hubby - yeah - he can be a pain - having someone with OCD around me would really give me the irrits - in fact it has in the past - when I remember yelling at my ex bf that it was my home and I would get whatever it was fixed in my own time when whateveritwas annoyed me enough

We know how your moods can change fast and yes - it is hard work keeping your home in perfect order all the time - how can you live like that? - exist - yes - but your home is for being yourself and when you are selling - eek - so glad I never have to do that again

Hugs - Dec

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