not feeling good

You are not being a sook at all BB - you are unwell and it takes time to get better when you are this sick. Your doctor is right though - you do need to eat and drink plenty of water otherwise you will have further complications that could land you in hospital and it will take you longer to recover. I know you don't feel like eating but having little meals throughout the day is good to keep your energy up @BlueBay

@Zoe7

Had a cup of tea and a piece of toast. Also had an hour sleep. A lot of negative is going through my head at the moment. It’s not good. I want to Smash things. I want to go away. I want to curl up in a ball and die. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t care about anything. I just want to go away. I’m tired. I’m light headed. I don’t care about that either anymore. I don’t care about my flu either. I’m angry. I’m alone st home and I’m scared I might sh. I’m not good.

Then stay here and chat to me to help distract you from your thoughts @BlueBay - I have plenty of time - just snuggled on the couch with Toby. Where is Jersey?

@Zoe7 jersey's on one of the boy's bed. i can't cope like this anymore. i just can't. i never realised how bad i am mentally when i am physically sick. this has really hit me.

It is super hard for you right now BB but you can get through this - I know how hard it is when you are physically sick to deal with the mentsl side of things - it is so hard but we are here to help you work through this today - we can take it hour by hour or even minute by minute if you like @BlueBay - here to help as much as I can today - let's chat about something your love - what wonderful things has Ayla been doing lately - I know her smile lights up your world but is she saying anymore words yet?

@Zoe7 i face timed her this morning and what she does now is screams when she wants her food or bottle. she lets her mum when she hungry!!! like last night my daughter was cooking dinner and now Ayla eats the same food as them so she was watching mum cook and was screaming for her to hurry because she was hungry lol 🙂

she loves seeing me on the phone, she gets all excited and tries to reach the phone. she definitely knows who i am.

i miss her so much this week because i can't go near her. i miss her cuddles and playing with her 😞

and that makes me really sad and teary

i saw a quick instagram on the boys this morning - they are at this music festival and have set up their tent big enough for 5 boy to crash in and sleep (if they get to sleep!!!) that's all i am going to see.

being home alone is horrible, thoughts go everywhere. i do like being home alone when i am well, i like the peace and quiet but at the moment i really hate it.

noticing how quiet it is at the moment without the boys. and how clean and tidy the house is and it stays clean. the sink is clean from the morning and doesn't get dirty until dinner time!!! even the washing all i am doing is washing every 3rd day where i used to wash every day with the boys here. it makes a huge difference. but i miss them too 😞

and poor jersey she is missing them really bad, i didn't realise that a dog would miss them. she is so lost, going from one bedroom to the other. then she comes to me and stays with me for a while.

think i might go and have another nap. i will chat later. xxxooo

You have done really well to get through this morning @BlueBay and a nap sounds like a good idea. I will catch up with you later BB - hugs Hon

Didn’t sleep long @Zoe7 cough kept waking me up 😡

its pouring here now and cold. I’ve got the heater on.

I can’t stop bl##y coughing. My head is so sore.

Coughing that long and hard makes everything sore @BlueBay - I feel for you Hon.

I loved your description of Ayla and how she is when she is hungry - she sounds so adorable. Poor Jersey too - must be missing the boys but glad he comes to you for hugs also.

I’m going crazy @Zoe7. I’m prob bothering you.

I got this plan in my head to do something. I hate bothering people. I’m sorry.