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not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 9:06 pm AEDT

not feeling good

At the moment i am not feeling good. i feel like my body is in 'run away mode'. i feel my body is running on a high, my head is so mixed up. i have to go to bed and try to sleep, but don't know if i can.

my hormones are everywhere at the moment; my mood is sky high negative. i can't deal with this anymre. all of a sudden i am not feeling good. i think it is anxiety.

i don't know why i feel like this; i just want to cry but can't becsue everyone is home. i am going to bed. i don't know what is going on. actually maybe it is anxiety because i felt like passing out today.

I went to my GP to have my mirena IUD taken out as I had had enough. But he couldn't find the string, so he sent me for a ultrasound. Had that and the guy said i had two fibroids and a cyst on my ovary. but he couldn't find the string either, so had to have an xray to find the metal piece. they didn't tell me anything. but while waiting i was so anxious i almost passed out.

so now i have to wait for tomorrow when my GP will call me at work and let me know what will happen now. hopefully he can take the mirena out. i don't know.

my body is reacting to my anxiety - i feel so shaky, i need to stop. no point telling anyone at home becasue (a) they won't believe me and (b) they prob wouldn't care.

sorry, i had to tell someone. i feel so alone 😞

12926 replies

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In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor22 May 2018, 2:30 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

@Faith-and-Hope
He told me I need to self soothe but gave me no ideas or suggestions and by this stage I was too angry to ask him. I feel like a fraud but I'm not it's true. He told me I look to be sick so I can be cared for like a child being cared for by their mum. That's why I'm like this because of the lack of love and care and nurture from my mum. I didn't cause this. Yet I feel I'm the bad one.
I feel sick I feel the pain yet he's saying it's me ranting to "be sick" so I can reach out to be cared for and seek attention. Wtf.
I'm not.
I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to run away.
He told me this could take 12 months for me to understand abandonment. I told him my fear is huge he doesn't get how huge this fear is. I'm so upset F&H.

In response to: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor22 May 2018, 3:24 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

He is giving you advice @BlueBay, it’s just not sugar coated ...... but you have us for that ...... we send you hugs and self-soothing ideas that work for us, becUs many of us are in the same boat and struggling with abandonment issues .......

Do you have a self care box Hon ? If not, grab yourself something beautiful, something that pleases your eye ...... a beautiful box, basket, chest ....... and fill it with lovely self-soothing things like bath oil, hand cream, something silky to hold, something to cuddle, lovely pj’s, perfume, music cd’s, favourite movie DVD ...... you get the picture ......

Do it well @BlueBay ..... put all your effort into caring for you ...... and show him how it’s done ❣️

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor22 May 2018, 4:02 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

@Faith-and-Hope
No I don't have a box
But I will get one and put some nice things in there.

In response to: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor22 May 2018, 4:35 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

Attagirl @BlueBay ...... it can be called a self-care box, or a coping box, but they are the same ...... they are a tool kit for taking care of you, and you need that.

Others here might share with you ideas about special things they keep in theirs.

I keep mine in a lovely bag.

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor22 May 2018, 5:14 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

Hi @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 @Former-Member

I just spoke to my doctor. He wanted to know how I went today. I told what happened snd how I felt angry at what he said. Told him the pain is real it's not made up. My doctor said he totally understands and agrees with me that the pain is real. He believes me He said he has seen me improve and to not let my psych get me so down. He said don't be so hard on yourself. I'm seeing him on Thursday do he said we will talk more then.
I also told him about the abandonment issue and he said he understands how hard it is fir me but he'll help me get through this. He said I'm going through a very difficult time at the moment.
I'm so glad my doctor understands me snd my mental illness especially BPD.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Zoe7Senior Contributor22 May 2018, 5:18 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

Glad that you reached out and spoke to your gp @BlueBay

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor22 May 2018, 5:25 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

That is fantastic @BlueBay ...... I am so glad he is there for you ..... ❣️

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor22 May 2018, 6:47 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

@Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 @Jupiter
I've noticed when dark and gloomy and tired I feel more depressed and my thoughts go to dark places. I don't know why. I told my psych today but he didn't say anything.
I am watching tv but not really concentrating as my mind is wandering off into the world of darkness and abandonment. Inner child is another problem I'm dealing with which is so traumatic I fear my sessions each fortnight. Because I know I'll end up in a mess crying so much thst my eyes puff up. A lot of the times in my sessions I act like a child. Msybe this is s good thing because then I can grow with each session and learn to let go and be free from all this control I had as a child.
Fear / this is huge and I cry every time I think of it. I can't explain the fear I have of failure abandonment and getting better. It's huge.
Don't know why I'm writing this guess I need to get it out of my head.
I'm crying I'm scared I csnt do this

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Zoe7Senior Contributor22 May 2018, 7:14 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

This may be a good time to begin to collect things for your coping box that @Faith-and-Hope chatted to you earlier about @BlueBay. When it is dark and gloomy and you are tired it is perhaps a good idea for you to actually get up and do things to not let those unwanted thoughts into your mind. Have you thought about what you could put in your coping box/bag/basket (whatever you choose). I have bubbles in mine and although they don't get used much - usually because I forget they are there lol - the bubbles are sometimes comforting when I can feel myself falling. Toby cuddles of course are something I can't put in my coping box but rely on a lot - just as Ayla cuddles are for you.

What are you going to put in your coping box?

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor22 May 2018, 7:26 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

@Zoe
I'm going to put photos of Ayla my son in his police uniform and another of my whole family. A scarf I knitted. Some photos I got from the hospital of the garden.
I love Ayla so much. She means the world to me. She called in today and I got the best hugs and cuddles. She tried to grab my earrings and then she tried to eat my face. Oh I love her. Oh guess what? We are having her over Friday night for the whole night. I can't wait.

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