not feeling good

Hi @utopia

I understand what you're saying. But the thing is at the time of my 'spaced out episode' I don't know what i am doing; i don''t have control because i don't know what i am doing.

But yes, after way after i do calm down and see what happened earlier. OK so maybe i haven't done enough mindfulness, distraction skills etc etc. I try but at the time it is very difficult.

I know you are trying to help me and i appreciate your comments. yeah my psych doesn't exdplain things to me at all. so i will speak to my psychologist on friday.

but he is saying i have control at the time of the episode - how do i have control when i am so absorbed in what is going on at the time in my head?

i haven't taken offence. i do try, it's just when i am in my own world of pain i get so caught up in it that it is hard to snap out of if.

@Change123no, not changing meds at the moment. just on the one anti dep. he will wait and see how things go. Maybe that's what i should do - just think of him as a psych for my meds and that's it. after all its only a 1/2 hr session and you can't say much in 1/2hr.

@utopia

That's the problem with my BPD. The intensity of my emotions are over 10 on the scale. Very high and then it takes a long time for the intensity to drop down and I can be calm again. Like yesterday I was really angry about the extra cost i had to pay while in hospital having those tests - my anger was way above 10 on the scale and it took quite a fcew hours to calm back down.

I will bring this up withy my new psychologist. Yeah, i would love to bring someone with me. Hubby no, there is no one really.

No he doesn't listen to me and I feel that I am 'being a stupid idiot" writing letters to him like a little child. I feel that he just looks at me and he thinks 'what the hell'. I feel their is no genuine concern or empathy. Or maybe it's just me and he is sick of me,

@utopiamy friend with the pool is a full time teacher. she won't be able to come with me. my other friend who i work with can't come either because of work but she did text me today to say she is very worried about me.

i guess i have to be more pro-active in speaking up,telling him exactly how i feel.

yeah BPD sucks. It's the intensity of emotions in such a short time; it's the impulsiveness of doing things that you may regret later on; and all the other symptoms.

Dear @utopia

i am sorry i forgot to congratulate you on your job. I am so happy for you and proud of you too.

This is something for you and you will do so well, I just know it. i hope tomorrow goes really well for you. i will be thinking of you.

Good on you @utopia you deserve it. so happy for you xxxooo

Thanks @BlueBay. Just a temporary job. But it's a start. I've applied for a permanent job with an Aboriginal Organisation, and I hope to at least get an interview for this. It's full time, but only 30 minutes away. And in an industry that I think I would enjoy working in. Fingers crossed. But until then, I'll have some money and can pay off some of my debt.

@BlueBay. I'm sorry if i triggered anything for you @bluebay. I'm happy to talk if you'd like.