not feeling good

Hi @Catcakes @Bubbles3 @Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope

My daughter and baby and I spent the day together today. We went for a walk down the beach, did a bit of grocery shopping and came home. Had lunch, put baby to sleep and just sat and watched tv. It was nice just the two of us, no boys around!!!

She bathed the baby and put her pj's on and she gave her a bottle of milk and she fell asleep. She stayed for dinner and has just left now for home.

I feel so sorry for her because now she will go home to an empty house and will be on her own.

I cry for her a lot. It's so not fair, life throws a lot sometimes.

I had my appt with my psychologist and it was good. We spoke about me as the angry person, me as the little inner child and me as me now. And then before I knew it me as the adult was talking to me as the child. I was hugging my inner child and crying and telling her it wasn't her fault that she was abused, that i love her and will protect her from now on; told her she is safe now and that nothing will ever happen again. i sobbed and sobbed and hugged muyself so tight.

after i let go i felt exhaused, the psychologist got me a glass of water and let me sit for a few minutes. i came through this and felt calm. i told her 'thank you for letting me do this because no one have ever let me do this before' and it was somethng i had always wanted to do.

at the end of our session she gave me a big hug - something which surprised me but i am so glad she did because i so needed that.

i am so glad i have this new psychologist - she seems very good at dealing with childhood abuse.

Hi @BlueBay,

So glad to hear that you have started sessions with this psychologist who sounds lovely and very good at her job! Thanks for sharing this positive news here. We know that things have been especially difficult for you lately, you deserve support and quality treatment.

Best,

C.

So glad to hear that you have started sessions with this psychologist who sounds lovely and very good at her job!-- I agree with @Former-Member

sending you hugs @BlueBay,

That was a beautiful post @BlueBay

@firstly the account of you nurturing your daughter who must be feeling abandoned, the care of her baby and then the beautiful nurturing of yourself that your skilful psychologist facilitated.

it was very generous of you to share it BlueBay and has given me a warm and hopeful feeling.

I hope things continue to have a hopeful outlook for you 💕

Hi @Former-Member@Catcakes@Shaz51@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope

In my session we talked about me as a child (little me); me as (me now) and me (the inner voice that is negative in my head)

For eg. when my doctor doesn't call me back straight away i automatically go into the negative me and start saying that he is horrible, he doesn't care about me, I hate him etc etc etc (that is the negative me)

what i need to do is STOP and think ok this is the negative me which i have named her Jen. I need to at least recognise that this is the real me.

Eg. when i am really emotional and overwhelmed by s omething i need to STOP and think who is it really (it could be me now; or it could be little me).

She explained that most likely i am living in the Jen personality 90% of the time and 10% of the real me.

What we have to work on is to change this around and work on the real me.

She said it will take time, it won't happen over night but at least if i can recognise when this happens it is a start.

I am noticing today a few things and working out who is really saying it.

Hope this makes sense to anyone reading.

BB xxoo

Hi @BlueBay,

Yes it makes so much sense. Wow, such hard and deep work that you are doing, and it seems, so much new insight and awareness. Thanks for sharing this.

Hi @Former-Member

It was hard yesterday but I now get it. I understand why I am like this, why I behave the way I do and where it comes from. For once in my life I have someone (my psychologist) that can explain it to me properly and I finally get it. For years I have different psychologists and no one ever explained it to me like this.

You know after the session finished my psychologist gave me a hug, something they don't normally do. I felt so nice to receive a warm hug from her. I felt she really understood me and helped me through a hard session.

I'm looking forward to the next session with her. I'll keep you updated 🙂

ps. my baby grand daughter and daughter called in today. they are both fine. But her ex-partner is going over tonight to see the baby. this will be difficult as it is the first time they will see each other after the separation. I hope it goes well.

Yes, thanks for sharing with us @BlueBay. I am so pleased for you .... this psychologist sounds so nurturing and understanding, and you are feeling in control of what is happening for you too ....

So well done ❣️