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not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

not feeling good

At the moment i am not feeling good. i feel like my body is in 'run away mode'. i feel my body is running on a high, my head is so mixed up. i have to go to bed and try to sleep, but don't know if i can.

my hormones are everywhere at the moment; my mood is sky high negative. i can't deal with this anymre. all of a sudden i am not feeling good. i think it is anxiety.

i don't know why i feel like this; i just want to cry but can't becsue everyone is home. i am going to bed. i don't know what is going on. actually maybe it is anxiety because i felt like passing out today.

I went to my GP to have my mirena IUD taken out as I had had enough. But he couldn't find the string, so he sent me for a ultrasound. Had that and the guy said i had two fibroids and a cyst on my ovary. but he couldn't find the string either, so had to have an xray to find the metal piece. they didn't tell me anything. but while waiting i was so anxious i almost passed out.

so now i have to wait for tomorrow when my GP will call me at work and let me know what will happen now. hopefully he can take the mirena out. i don't know.

my body is reacting to my anxiety - i feel so shaky, i need to stop. no point telling anyone at home becasue (a) they won't believe me and (b) they prob wouldn't care.

sorry, i had to tell someone. i feel so alone 😞

12926 replies

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In response to: not feeling good

Unknown userMember

Re: not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay,

I so sorry you are struggling so much at the moment. 😞 It is completely understandable that when trauma like sexual abuse is brought up (perhaps in a direct or non-gentle way?) that the emotions you experience are incredibly raw and painful. It is understandable that you are struggling to stay positive.

It is great that you went on to online chat today to seek support. Have you tried your previous strategy to go and sit outside for a while, or any strategies that may have been discussed in the online chat?

I am here sitting with you.

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

I did go outside before @Amour_Et_Psyche' but it didn't anything for me. I have a headache I guess from all the crying today in my session. I'm so over talking about my childhood abuse. 8 yrs ago I remembered it and I wish I hadn't. It's ruined my life.
I feel scared that I may Sh I have this thought to get back at my parents fir not showing me any lovre when I was little. I'm over all this I really am. Really sad and crying.

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

We didn't get to discuss any strategies with online chat because I had to go and put a load of washing out.

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

I feel unloved abandoned rejected thrown out by the ones who should be there for me. I never had the love. I must be s horrible person to not get that love. And maybe I'm to blame because otherwise they would have loved me. I'm so confused atm my thoughts are racing so much.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Unknown userMember

Re: not feeling good

HI @BlueBay,

I'm sorry that going outside wasn't helpful for you, @BlueBay. 😞 Yes - It sounds like today has been such an emotionally exhausting day for you today. Were you able to take some medication to help you with the headache, or have some water, or get some fresh air? I can imagine you would be over talking about childhood abuse - especially, if you have to do so over and over again, and you feel that things aren't yet changing or becoming easier.

It is understandable that you feel bitter towards you parents for not demonstrating love to you when you were younger, and you want to somewhat "punish" them and show them the consequences that result from the way they treated you. However, it seems to me that SH-ing would be more of a punishment to yourself, than that to them - it sounds like you are on some level aware of this and that is why you are scared.

You said were unable to contact one of the services mentioned by @Former-Member earlier (e.g., Lifeline; or Suicide Call back Service). Do you think there would be a possibility to contact one of those services now - especially, if you felt at risk of SH?

It is a heart-wrenching to feel that you are a horrible person who doesn't deserve love. It sounds like you are being so harsh towards your self - and almost rejecting and abandoning yourself in a way. But the truth is everyone deserves to be loved and accepted - it just sounds like your parents failed to give you this love - a love that should never be earned, but should be unconditionally given from parents to child. I'm sorry that you didn't get this growing up. I hope in your relationships today you are able to find a sense of love and acceptance that reassures you that you are loved, valued and wanted.

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Hearing you @BlueBay .....

Is there something loving you can do for yourself tonight ? It doesn’t make up for the pain, but something that is caring towards yourself .... looking after your inner child with the same sort of care you have for your grandbaby ? Maybe using a body moisturiser ?

You are worth caring for, and your mother should have cared for you when you went to her for help ..... that is to do with her, not you. Because she wasn’t capable, you have to look after you now.

I lost my mother @BlueBay ..... and I have had to look after me without her. It’s not the same ..... I am hearing your pain, and it matters ..... but so does caring for you and keeping on working towards recovery.

💙💐💕

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Hi @Amour_Et_Psyche'
I'm going to go to bed. I am exhausted. I need to sleep. Everything you wrote made sense and was right. I do have an amazing relationship with my 4 month old grand daughter. The love from her is beautiful. Something I missed growing up.
@Faith-and-Hope I'm sorry you lost your mum. I understand what you're saying. Thankyou for your support. I'm going to bed.
Hope to get some sleep.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Unknown userMember

Re: not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay,

Yes - I can imagine! I hope you have a restful night's sleep. I am so glad that you felt that I understood you, and that you have such an amazing relationship with your 4 month old daughter - she just sounds beautiful!

My pleasure @BlueBay - more than happy to provide support to you!

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

In response to: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Hi @Former-Member
I'm on the floor in the bathroom sobbing. My head hurts from a headache
It's all too much yesterdays session with psychologist

In response to: Re: not feeling good

IrisSenior Contributor

Re: not feeling good

Hey @BlueBay I am here with you

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