not feeling good

@Zoe7 you're right! i want to sabatoge mhyself again because iu am angry. angry at my psych for being away until end of the month. the hospital told me he would be back on 14th but i phoned his rooms today to dfouble chek and they said he's not back until 27th.

i'm never going to be admitted so i may as well stop my meds. there's no point in continuing them. They don't work anyway. They're dumb.

I've waited nearly 4 weeks for a hospital bed and i amm over it.

So you want to stop taking your meds because you are angry with someone else @BlueBay but that will not help you. I know you are angry that this is taking sooooo long but you have got through the last few weeks (and really well too I may add with everything that has come up for you) and you can get through the next few weeks. I will not tell you NOT to stop your meds because that is your choice - but I will remind you of what happened last time you did that - you were very, very unwell and everyone was very worried about you. You know little flower - we care whether you are angry, sad, happy etc. You don't need to self-sabotage for us to listen and to be here for you - just sayin' my beautiful little yellow flower

@Zoe7 why do you make sense and I don't??

I will try to take my meds when i need to. It's like in my head if i stop them then i get treated and i am being heard. You're right.

I'm just angry,, frustrated and emotional and cold!!!

You make sense to me @BlueBay - I must speak 'little yellow flower' - probably as a result of all that sitting on your shoulder I have done

3 very valid emotions there BB - I would be all those too if I was waiting for some respite in hospital (which we both know would never happen with me lol)

It has been below 10 degrees here for a couple of days in a row - so I feel for you with the cold sweetheart

Hey @Zoe7

I checked my webster pack with all my meds and I have missed 2 morning doses and 2 night doses this week since Sat.

My GP won't be happy with me, it's always my fault. Why doesn't someone just punish me, yell at me, tell me off and never speak to me again 0- all because I stopped my meds.

I'm sorry Zoe, my mood is really down again, it was never really up. I guess just waiting for hospital bed is annoying me so much and then finding out about my psych not being around until end of the month.

Do you know what i really want to do tonight? - just go to bed right now and hide under my doona and cry.

But - I can't. you know why? buecause hubby is home and i couldn't go right now to bed. sometimes i wished i lived alone so i could do whatever i want to do when i want to . that's why i love hospital stay for that reason.

my head is not in a good thinking mind at the moment (does that make sense??)

Makes perfect sense @BlueBay

I just lost a really long post to you BB - hate it when that happens.

So it went a little like this @BlueBay...

Don't worry abut the meds you have missed - just keep going from tonight. You can tell your doctor or not tell your doctor - that is your choice - but if you keep going from tonight you will be back on track BB

I can understand how angry you are with your psych not being back when he said he would but that is out of your control so there is nothing you can do about it!

What is in your control is what you do tonight sweetheart. Stay here and chat with us, read along with conversations, do some knitting etc. Whatever you decide to do tonight know that I will still be sitting on your shoulder

Morning my beautiful butterfly friend @Zoe7

Yes i have taken my meds 🙂

I am getting ready to go and have my ultrasound done at the local hospital.

Hoping my GP gets the results by tomorrow as i am seeing him then. I'm loving my new short haircut; it takes minutes now to get ready, now more scrunching and drying my hair.

I think Jersey (Kelpie) is missing our son as this morning I found her all cuddled up on top of his bed with the doona arouond her. So cute but naughty!!!!

How are you this morning @Zoe7

Hi @Faith-and-Hope how are you?

BBxxxooo

Hey everyone

I had an ultrasound yesterday - no hernia, which is good. Technician told me I had a little fibroid which is what I could possibly feel.

Yesterday was disaster. What turned into a short walk around the block ended up in hospital with an asthma attack. Quite severe. After 10 mins of walking I could hardly breath let alone say a sentence. I rang my GP and he couldn't make sense of what i was saying. he knew i was in trouble with my breathing. He told me to walk home (i didn't have far to walk) and he was calling an ambulance. By the time i got home, the ambulance called me to see how I was and the paramedics were on their way. Five mins later they were here. I was put on a nebuliser and they took me up to my local hospital.

ECG done, blood tests, chest xray and tests. Quite wheezy chest. They gave me cortisone medication, nebuliser and asthma medication. I stayed in there for about 4 hours. I am okay today. This morning i saw my GP and he said to me that it was very serious yesterday with my asthma. he told me to up my asthma puffer and see how i go. i told him i was very scared because i couldn't even string a sentence together. Thank god he called an ambulance.

I am not allowed to walk in the wind at the moment and i have to carry my puffer with me at all times.

i am so sensitive at the moment with this weather changing so much, i have to be very careful.

What a day it turned out to be. A simple walk .....