not feeling good

@BlueBay @Faith-and-Hope

Love both of you wonderful ladies

me too @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope

Me three @BlueBay @Zoe7 ..... 🤗💕

Hi @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7

I saw my GP this morning and he said to me to just cope 'day by day', not to worry about father's day. It's still 9 days away so just deal with one day at a time. Even if it's one hour at a time. he told me to break it down even if i have to 1/2 hour by 1/2 hour.

He suggested i go for a walk today to distract myself. i told him i am scared of breaking down again for fathers day. i am scared i will lose it again and end up in hospital. he told me no i won't lose it because he can see how strong i am and he said i have come a long way, even though i can't see it.

So today is going to be hour by hour. My daughter is coming to pick me up so we can go and get the baby car seat installed in her car. she is taking me out for a coffee.

this afternoon i want to go for a walk so i will try to do that. oh by the way i have finished the baby blanket, i will try to put it on here, if i get stuck i will ask for help. it only took 2 days to crochet. my daughter suggested i do more and put on Etsy to sell. I don't even know what Etsy is or how it works. but she can help me.

Better go now, she will be here soon. Part of me is okay but part of me is sad, scared, vulnerable and emotinoal. and that's the part that i am scaed will come out for everyone to see.

That part of you that is sad, scared, vulnerable and emotional will come out at some stage @BlueBay - that is inevitable - but it is how you deal with it when it happens that is important. Reach out for our support - knowing that we care and also understand how incredibly tough the lead up to, and the day of, father's day will be for you. I think it was @Faith-and-Hope that said something around celebrating all the good things and good people that you have physically around you - and that definitely includes your daughter today. Enjoy every second of your time together - it is so precious.

Try not to dwell on the what if's or what is to come - live in each hour and get to the next one - that is what I am trying to do (not so successfully but trying) and see where the day(s) take you

@BlueBay I believe you are still looking after my wings for me so they can be kept safe for when/if I can think about flying again...

Yep sure am @Zoe7 I am looking after your wings for when you are ready

No rush though, you need time to rest

BB xxoo

ps. i love the pic

I went for a walk before and had an asthma attack. Came on quickly. But before that i had a negative thought of SH again so i can see my dad again. Phoned my GP who quickly gave me some tips of what to do, distraction. I was walking and thought of all these differernt things I could do to myself negative stuff. But as usual my GP said to me that those negative things would hurt me more and hurt my family as well.

So i kept walking and crying and then the asthma started. Came home and had a lay down for a little while.

I'll be off line for a little while, back on tonight.

For me it's hour by hour at the moment, i can't even think of what i am going to do in the next few days. But i am still overwhelmed by fathers day. this is the worst i have been. i want my dad, i want my dad now, not later on, not another day, now. SH is the only way, i told my GP is the only way.

back later

Keep my wings @BlueBay I don't think I will ever need them again

Why @Zoe7

You will fly again, I know you can

Are you okay tonight?