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not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 9:06 pm AEDT

not feeling good

At the moment i am not feeling good. i feel like my body is in 'run away mode'. i feel my body is running on a high, my head is so mixed up. i have to go to bed and try to sleep, but don't know if i can.

my hormones are everywhere at the moment; my mood is sky high negative. i can't deal with this anymre. all of a sudden i am not feeling good. i think it is anxiety.

i don't know why i feel like this; i just want to cry but can't becsue everyone is home. i am going to bed. i don't know what is going on. actually maybe it is anxiety because i felt like passing out today.

I went to my GP to have my mirena IUD taken out as I had had enough. But he couldn't find the string, so he sent me for a ultrasound. Had that and the guy said i had two fibroids and a cyst on my ovary. but he couldn't find the string either, so had to have an xray to find the metal piece. they didn't tell me anything. but while waiting i was so anxious i almost passed out.

so now i have to wait for tomorrow when my GP will call me at work and let me know what will happen now. hopefully he can take the mirena out. i don't know.

my body is reacting to my anxiety - i feel so shaky, i need to stop. no point telling anyone at home becasue (a) they won't believe me and (b) they prob wouldn't care.

sorry, i had to tell someone. i feel so alone 😞

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In response to: not feeling good

Unknown userMember16 Aug 2017, 1:59 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

It is hard. I'm sorry that it's hard.
This might sound really weird, but I have the same problem. I'm not allowed to feel or express my emotions whilst at home.
I would sometimes go for a walk to the park under the guise of getting exercise and just sit..... sometimes cry. And just generally be not okay, without having to pretend to be okay. If that makes sense?
Please don't cancel, I think it would be good for you to go. Also, CAT teams get a little fussy if you don't maintain contact.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Aug 2017, 2:04 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

So you do the same @Former-Member. Thought I was sthe only one that 'hides' emotions from family

I will go, I need to talk to them about some serious stuff, i need to get off my chest. and i need to talk to someone so they may as well be told today. It's the waiting that is making me anxoius and worried.

OK, i will get off the computer and go and try to knit a few lines. i am knitting baby booties for my newborn baby grand daughter (due in October). i will try to knit.

I will come back on after my appt to let you know how it went.

thanks for the chat.

BB xxoo

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Unknown userMember16 Aug 2017, 2:06 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

No worries @BlueBay, hope it goes well.
And if you have the energy post some pictures of your baby booties on ChearBears Craft Thread.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Aug 2017, 2:41 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

@Former-Member

nothing is working, i layed down on the couch and tried to sleep but that didn't work

i am so anxious about appt

i don't know what to do

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Unknown userMember16 Aug 2017, 2:43 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

What are you anxious about may I ask?
I would go for a walk if I was anxious.... just around the block a few times, nothing strenuous or anything, but grab your ipod and just walk and listen to music.... the time will pass and it will be over soon.

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Aug 2017, 2:54 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

@Former-Member

i am anxoius about meeting this psych and that i have to see them

tell them about what happened last friday with the SH

go through again my trauma

i dont know if i can go through that again

it's raining here so walking is out of the question

maybe i will go now and just wait in the car

In response to: Re: not feeling good

Unknown userMember16 Aug 2017, 2:59 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

Just remember that you don't have to talk about anything that you don't want to.
If you don't want to go through your trauma again right now. Tell them, you'll talk about it next time.
I know this sounds strange, but can you do the dishes while you wait? I find I'm better doing something to keep my hands busy when I'm anxious and waiting.
Or you could just arrive early? That's a possibility and they might see you sooner, get it all over and done with. Just depends on how you feel about waiting there versus at home.

In response to: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor16 Aug 2017, 3:19 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

@BlueBay ..... I cry in the park or out on my walks ..... it's not that I am "not allowed" to express my emotions at home, it's just that WH has no comprehension of the trauma he has caused and continues to cause, so crying all the time here makes me look like I am the problem, and that just clouds our real issues making them harder to identify and deal with.

Also, at the ages, (or emotional ages) that my kids still are seeing their mother lose control along with their father will leave them in a worse place to try to cope ....

I have raised the kids to be able to express their emotions, but kids take lessons from those around them despite what is taught, and WH's family is one where it's not okay to express emotions ..... and the state he has been in the last 8 years now has brought a lot of that inside the walls of our home where it was kept outside as much as possible before .....

These are extreme circumstances though .... well beyond the bounds of what might be termed usual .... so as with everything else, balance is key. It's important to both express and control emotions, according to what is managable, circumstances, opportunities ..... and just as important to distract and self-soothe as coping mechanisms ......

I am sorry to hear you are so down today ..... sending hugs to help support you Hon ....

🤗💙🐚🐬💕

In response to: Re: not feeling good

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Aug 2017, 7:05 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope and hugs to you.

@Former-Member @Zoe7 @Shaz51 @outlander

I went to the CAT team psych and i was very nervous. i didn't want to go in but i did. they asked how i was, how my urges of SH are at the moment and the chances at the moment of going into hospital. I told them i need to wait for a bed availability. They said that they spoke to my GP today and are aware a bed may become avail by end of the week, but plan B is that if not I may be able to go back into hospital public system where i was last friday and be admitted for 3 days next week to give me a break.

So i have a plan B now 🙂 They gave me their phone number and said for me to ring any time, they are avail unti 10pm and the the triage number of the hospital is operated 24 hours.

I am seeing my doctor on Friday morning, then seeing my psychologist after that. They said they will call me Friday afternooon to see how things are and if i have heard about hospital bed.

At least for now i have a bit of support which is good.

In response to: not feeling good

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor16 Aug 2017, 7:17 pm AEST

Re: not feeling good

That is good @BlueBay .....

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