not feeling good

That all sounds so poitive BB - so very proud of you my friend @BlueBay

Sleep well tonight - will be thinking of you...

...and sitting on your shoulder as always...

Love and hugs

Zoe

Hi @BlueBay

I am glad you found this psychiatrist - he seems so much more caring than the other one - far more prepared to treat you for the things that really bother you - and not just saying "Oh yes - we know about your parents" and writing that off as if it doesn't matter when it so obviously does - it is at the roots of your concerns - nothing else would be near as bad without what your mother did to you

It does bother me when you say you want to run away but after you told your psychiastrist this it feels less problematic - rather it is just something you think about but where would you go? I am so glad you told him this concern - I think I understand where it comes from

When I was little I could not please my mother at all - and I wondered why she wanted me. I used to have terrible dreams where I tried to run away from my parents but they always chased me and made me go back home with them. Of course I was too young to know that I could not have survived alone - but I could not be the perfect child either. It has been a long time since I had those dreams - the last time was when I first started therapy when I dreamed I turned on my mother

Do you have thoughts or dreams like this? We have so much in common it just occurred to me to ask you if you had dreams like this in the past - even now -

It's better to stay away from Group Therapy for the time being - it can be tough there - I liked it myself but the other people are battling with emotional discomfort and/or MI themselves and are not therapists - it is natural and the way things work - but right now you are far too vulnerable to get in among the stuff that happens in groups - so go along with your psychiastrist and work with your psychologist - it will take time to peel back these layers - years of lack of self-esteem - a life time of being misunderstood and trampled on by your mother - I do understand

I really do hope you slept well and so glad you can trust this new psychiatrist

Hugs - Dec

Goodmorning BB. I thought it would be nice to leave you a morning 'Zoe' message to start your day @BlueBay (no tears allowed lol)

As the sun begins to rise slowly on the horizon you are awakened to the beauty that life can posess. Follow this light throughout the day and you will find all the wonderous things that can enrich your life in each moment. As the light fades and night falls - allow these beautiful images to stay with you and follow you into your dreams.

Dream - believe - achieve my beautiful little yellow flower...

...you have the strength, courage and resilience to follow your own journey... and find the happiness within...

...and I'll will be sitting on your shoulder as you do so.

All my love and huge hugs...

Zoe

@BlueBay We really are a fine pair lol

I was so tired last night that I thought I would sleep all night also - wrong!!!! Tried to sleep but had to get up as my mind was in over-drive arghhh - ended up being awake all night. Had a few hours sleep this afternoon and hoping to catch up a bit more tonight.

I hope you get some much needed sleep tonight BB and enjoy your knitting.

...still sitting on your shoulder and thinking of you...

Zoe

It's no wonder you feel flat @BlueBay Just because you are in hospital it doesn't stop the worry about moving and all that comes with that! Tiredness then added in makes it even tougher to have any energy to deal with the feelings and emotions - I get that my friend

"The child within you" has every right to feels as she does - so very, very tough to deal with being let down so badly. I would love to say to you that you will one day be able to totally let go of what your mum did to you but the reality is I can't - there is hope that it wil get better but such a betrayal I don't think you can ever truly 'get over' - you just need to find a way to learn to live with it - I have no suggestions here - still too hard for me to deal with my own 'stuff'

I do think that 'getting rid of their stuff' will be two fold for you. On one hand you don't want to completely 'cut ties' with your past but on the other hand in doing so it may be a very positive move forward for you. There is no timeline on this one for you - do what you need to do - whichever way you choose to go. We can only 'let go' of things in our own time and when we are ready.

Try not to think of this move as 'final' but as a new chapter in your life where you have control over your own destiny, unencumbered by the ghosts of the past surrounding you each day - onward and upward my friend.

...still sitting on your shoulder...and loving you always my beautiful little yellow flower...

Zoe