not feeling good

Hugs @BlueBay

I am here too hold your hand

Its too late @NikNik

nothing will change

i will never get better

i haven't yet so why bother

why is there any reason to keep going

i don't know

I don't understand what the picture means @NikNik

is it that my expectations is that there is never a hiccup but reality is that there is always a hiccup

Trouble is - i have been trying so hard to get better, okay maybe sometimes not that hard enough. i am sick and tired of my life filled with anger, hurt and betrayal. i am sad, hurting so so much. it doesn't get any easier

i am sorry, i should't be ranting on here. i just need to let it all out

i was gong to run away and disappear after work, but i went home. i still have thoughts of SH, very negative thoughts atm.

If you think i need to be off this forum just pls delete me. if i shouldn't be here just get rid of me on here; just like others have got rid of me 😞

@NikNik

i think i will go to bed, i have to be up early for hospital admission. I am going to be in hospital for at least 2-3 weeks. I don't know what these new meds will do but atm i am extremely tired. I also have a terrible headache whic is increasing my BP. My GP tested me this morning for stroke symptoms. All good but he will do some tests when i come out of hospital.

how am i meant to pack to move? this is huge. if i am allowed home on weekend for day outings i will try to pack.

i think these new meds are making me very negative, so much so that i couldn't care less if i was here or not. all i am thinking of is self harming, running away, disappearing, crying (which is what i am doing atm)

i need my friends and you on here; i don't want to leave or be told to leave. i feel so betrayed by family members and it's hard to believe in myself.

i just hope that this new psych and his new meds can help me. i know i have a new GP who is amazing, caring, concerned and always willing to help. he is genuinely caring for mental health.

thank you @NikNik for your support xx

@BlueBay, I'm sorry to hear that you are still super struggling. I understand that you are going into hospital tomorrow, is that right? And you have found the hospital to be a supportive and safe place in the past? That would suggest to me that it will most likely be a supportive and safe place again. So...even though things won't be magically fixed tomorrow, it seems to me that things will at least be different to how they are right now. And tomorrow is just a tiny way away. You can hang in there until tomorrow. You currently have a 100% success rate of surviving every day living with BPD. I am confident that you can keep on keeping on until you are in the hospital where you feel safe and supported tomorrow.