not feeling good

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@BlueBay wrote:

Hi everyone

i just feel nothing will work, these new meds they aren't goiong to work. i will never get over this will I. All this time the past 7 yrs i should have got better, i should be happy laughing with everyone. instead i am so depressed,

i am so messed up tonight

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@BlueBay wow, there sure are a lot of "shoulds" in that sentence. Why should you have got better? Why should you be happy? I'm not super familiar with your story, but my understanding is that your family of origin cut you off after you made a disclosure of something bad that happened to you, is that right? Well why "should" you be "over" that. Experiencing immense grief and distress over damaged family relationships is perfectly normal. We are biologically hardwired for social connection and the family is central to that.

I don't grieve the loss of my family of origin because it was always dysfunctional. However, I still grieve immensely for the man who I perceive as my "father-figure". He was my church minister and for a couple of years he was fine with being my "dad". Then he was advised by others that the relationship may be perceived as inappropriate because of how much time we spent together. The more he backed off, the more I clung, until he ended up taking a restraining order out against me. All the mental health professionals told him that if I had no contact with him, the "fixation" would die. He took the restraining order out in 1997. Next month I will send him a birthday card, just like I have done every year since then (except during the years of the restraining orders - then I bought the cards and sent them all to him after the last restraining order ended). Later in the year I will send him a Father's Day card and then a Christmas card, just like I have done every year. Should I be over the fact that my "dad" rejected me twenty years ago??? I don't think so. I love X and I will love him until the day I die. Does it hurt? Yep. Do I think of him every single day? Yep. Do I feel like I "should" be over it by now? Nope. It is what it is...and that's ok.

There is no "should" @BlueBay. Your feelings are your feelings. Your grief is your grief. It hurts like hell, but it is ok. It isn't wrong or pathological. It is simply grief - immense, overwhelming, agonizing grief. The grief is hard enough to cope with, don't make it more tortuous by overlaying it with "shoulds."

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@BlueBay wrote:

@Phoenix_Rising

Being in a private psych ward hopsital is amazing. The ward only has 30 beds so it is small. The staff are amazing, very supportive, caring and will sit and just listen whever. There are group therapy and all the psychologists are very nice. Even the kitchen staff are friendly and will accommodate you. The night staff are angels, always there if you are crying or scared or need a hot chocolate or a med to help sleep.

For me it is a place where I can recover for a little while; change my meds while being monitored and have therapy sessions with my own psych as well as group. We do walks down to the creek, coffee down at the cafe, art classes - it's all good for me.

I don't know what a public hospital system is like as I have never been before. But I am guessing it would be completely different.

Yes, my GP and new psych are both fantastic.

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@BlueBay Wow, a private hospital sounds like it is a world away from the public system. I have certainly never experienced anything like that in any of my 43 psych admissions. I just wrote a response describing some of my experiences in the public system...and got an email from @Former-Member to say I needed to edit it because it had the potential to trigger others who have had similar experiences. Given how much writing it triggered me, I'm guessing she is probably right (thank you @Former-Member for sitting through the big feelings with me ).

I am super glad that you are able to access good support through the private system @BlueBay and I super hope you get what you need from your upcoming hospital stay.

@BlueBay

Yeah I get it @BlueBay - me either Here for each other hey my friend You talk and I'll listen... and yes I get how much you hate those bast**ds.

Hi @BlueBay,

I'm about to make myself some lunch. Have you eaten yet today? Do you want to have lunch with me?