not feeling good

Thank you @Change123

This is the hardest thing for me to do. I feel guilty, i shouldn't have told them. But it's too late because they know. Gee if only they knew about the other abuser (family member) then they would really really hate me. But i never told them about that person, i don't know why, maybe i was scared and still am.

You know my psych told me today that maybe i am trying to fix things with my parents and expect them to act differently, yeah maybe he is right. Isn't it okay to have expectations, after all they are my parents. i am having internal conflict because i just can't accept that my parents have done this to me.

And then he says to me 'what about other families, i am sure there are lots of other parents out there that have done things to their kids" - i was screaming inside when he said that because i felt like saying to him 'i don't care about the other familieis i am talking to you about my family'.

@Change123parents, families - this is the hardest thing to deal with. I know i have a new house to move into; i know i have a grandchild on the way; i get all that. But there is still this piece of the jigsaw that will never be complete; And leaving this house (which don't get me wrong, I really do want to move) but it feels like an end to a connection with my parents, it's final. And that word 'final' is really hard to accept.

I'm stuck, i am hopeless with my emtoions;

oh bugger @BlueBay - so much to look forward to but so stuck in the past - I know how much that sucks!!! It's easy for some (like your psych) to judgre and make such comments - but they have not walked even a single step in your shoes - bloody frustrating!! I cannot imagine the heartache you feel at losing your family the way you did after finding out and telling them something so traumatic for you - I could never do that. Their withdrawal and actions are all on them - you don't deserve the treatment you have received and you don't deserve for it to continue to affect your life as much as it does - it really is very unfair. But on the positive side - you have wonderful kids and friends (especially here) that support and adore you and take you as you are - no judgements, no expectations - just love. You are a blessing to me and I absolutely love having you in my life...

...always sitting on your shoulder

Your little flutterby friend...

Zoe

Oh @Zoe7 thank you. i really don't know if i can jkeep doing this,

I felt like screaming to my psych today and telling him to f##k off. I was angry, emotional, sobbing.

I couldn't even look at him while talking.

I am crying at the moment, i need to get off. i am sorry it's nothing you or anyone has said, i have so much love and support from here; it's just me and my emotional head. i am so torn that nothing will ever change.

think i need to chat to Lifeline before i do something silly. i am so lost and so hurt. i will try lifeline now maybe i will be back later,

if not, i will chat with you tomorrow.,

I'll be thinking of you my beautiful friend... and sending all the love I have your way tonight..

Zoe

@Zoe7i can't do it. I can't chat online to Lifeline, so that idea is not going to happen tonight.

I will stay on here for a bit longer.

What are you watching tonight on tv? anything? how is your head tonight?

Hey @BlueBay I'm not watching anything tonight. I turned on the tv and one single word triggered me - so I have turned it off. Waiting for the painlikkers to take effect so I can lay down - my headache is worse tonight - probably the anxiety has not helped it. Stupid 'stuff' - totally sucks sometimes having any thoughts or feelings at all!!!

We can sit here and be miserable together hey

I'm sitting on the lounge but I have a headache actually since yesterday when i had the flu shot. I ended up sleeping at about 4.30pm for an hour. I never sleep at that time of the day.

I also think because of my session today and how it was so intense it hasn't helped with my headache.

I think i will make a cup of tea and have an early night. i have work tomorrow.

i hope the meds kick in soon for you Zoe so then you can calm your anxiety down a bit. I'm sorry that things have triggered you tonight. i so understand how that affects us. Even a single word, a song just anything can trigger.

Hugs to you my friend, i hope you can sleep well tonight. Pls take care, hope your headache eases off a bit.

sleep well.

BB xxoo

Enjoy your cup of tea @BlueBay I will be sitting on your shoulder while you sleep so you know I am close and helping to protect you from the world around us...

Zoe

Thanks @Zoe7, we can sit together and console each other tonight.

I'll be off to bed soon, need to rest my head. Can't concentrate on here at the moment; still feel like i have been invalidated by my psych.

Sleep well my friend, catch up tomorrow. xxoo

ps. thank you for being here for me tonight, even though you aren't too well. xx