not feeling good

hi everyone @Maggie @Emelia8 @MDT @Shaz51 @Owlunar

today i went for a walk with my D and little A. it's sunny here but a little cold.

i'm going to read some of my book (Nicholas Sparks) later

i have decided that i am not going to cook dinner tonight. someone else can, don't care who.

i don't have work this week as there were no shifts 😞 which means i have to keep very busy otherwise my thoughts take over very quickly. i have a doctor's appt on tuesday and my mums birthday. then group therapy on thursday, an appt with a physcian from the rooms where my psych is. my psych wants me to see this guy, i am a bit anxious, even my GP was a bit surprised and he has asked me to let them know that he wants copies of tests or consultation. he wants to be kept in the loop. then my dietitian will call late thursday to check in on how i am going.

Re my mum - she hasn't called me for at least 2 weeks. i have called her. i have this fight going on in my head about should i call, no don't call, she can call you, why do i have to call all the time, i better call, i should call i am the daughter ........ and it goes on and on and on.

well this morning i called - she is the same, asks about everyone, tells me they are depressed because they can't go anywhere (they never did anyway). I have a feeling that she may be getting the start of dementia. she repeats things, forgets things. And maybe she has really forgotten my birthday. anyway i am trying in my head to think of it like that so i don't get upset.

i would be more upset if my own children or hubby forgot it.

i am having a bit of pain in my hips. i think the bursitis is flarred up. i was thinking about trying an accupuncturist. i have seen one before many times for neck, migraines and back and he was fantastic. might email him and see what he thinks. has anyone else here tried accupuncture?

hope you are all doing okay today. better go, i need to repot a plant.

chat later xxx

@BlueBay We have a nice sunny day here today also.

I hope you have your feet up enjoying your book.

All the best with your appointments this week, I have physio on Thursday.

Take care.💙💙💙

Oh gosh I really don't understand my hubby and older son. They were arguing about something really stupid. I yelled at them both and said that they both should grow up. Then son cooked hamburgers for dinner and I asked if he wZnted me to fry some onion. Son said no. Time to eat hubby gets up and says "oh no onion". I said where have you been. He heard me say we weren't cooking onion. He face said it sll. He then says "oh well we always have onion with hamburgers". Son turns around and says well you could have cooked them. I got up in a fit of rage and said "don't worry I'll cook the bloody onions" at that point everyone is telling me to sit down and don't worry about it.
I ended up sitting down.
but now I'm so furious. Sngry. To the point of self harming and or running away.
I can't handle arguments or fights. It triggers me to my childhood to when my parents argued.
Those two (hubby and son) have clashed for years. Hubby picks on silly things and picks picks and picks

oh I'm sorry I shouldn't say anything.
I just needed to vent. I just want a hug.
@Maggie @outlander @MDT @Emelia8 @Shaz51 @Owlunar

Good evening @BlueBay

I gladly offer you a virtual, moderated hug BlueBay! It sounds like you have been triggered badly and I am so sorry that you have an urge to self harm. Are you able to try the second option you mentioned and run away for a while instead instead?

Please look to your strength and self care strategies tonight and keep yourself safe. Tomorrow will be a brand new day,

warmest regards

Whitehawk

Hugs incoming @BlueBay 👍💗

Emelia 🌸

Thsnks for the hug @Former-Member

I really a hug. The intensity of my anger is huge. I can't explain. And right now I csnt go anywhere. Self harming is the Only way.
@Emelia8 Thsnks for your hug xx

Hi again @BlueBay

I really do hope that you are able to find another way to find some relief from your distress. You may not agree right now but self harm is never the only option. Please seek support off the forums BlueBay. The help lines can offer you assistance tonight.

warmest regards

Whitehawk