not feeling good

@BlueBay I was pretty switched on and on edge so it is no wonder I couldn't sleep - great to actually have the painting set up to just do a little bit instead of sleeping.

I think you better send me some virtual lamb tonight - think I'll be too tired by then to cook myself!

I hope your psych appointment goes really well - get it all out my beautiful friend - don't leave with anything that is concerning or worrying you left unsaid - strength and courage BB - you have both

...still sitting on your shoulder - my wings are just a little damaged at the moment...

Zoe

Hi @BlueBay

You already know that your thoughts can't hurt you - but having your mind racing all the time - wow - that is a hard one to deal with

I am a thinker also - and through the years I have let my mind run through it's own programmes and gradually changed my thinking - I think there this is something to talk to your psychologist about - but mention it to your psyche too - and you may find just talking about it stops the momentum of your thoughts and shifts them away into a different cycle - I know this has worked for me but there are still times when I feel as if the record is stuck

There is something called revisioning psychology I can look up for you on the internet - it's ages since I read it but I can do that later - because all these bad dreams you have are part of the process of healing - like - you have those fears and memories down inside you where they applied - in the past

But they don't apply now and you can do without them - you would feel better without them

But they have to come out -

I am there with you - caring heaps

Dec

@Owlunar I just don't understand what's behind all these dreams of childhood house.

Guns, shootings, horrible things. horrible people coming to our door. being chased, being attacked.

i don't understand.

yeah my mind is racing quite a bit lately. i don't know what to do in regards to that. i sill see what my psych and psychologist suggest.

i will let you know what he says today.

i know the dreams can't hurt me but i feel so unease and then have massive headaches. and then those dreams stay in my head and i can visualise them clearly.

i just wish all this would stop; i wish my mind would stop racing.

i think i need time out in hospital again @Owlunar

but i am scared to tell my psych. because he may change my meds again and i don't want to happen what happened last admission with the meds. it was horrible.

i don't know anymore.

@Owlunar

why do i do this to myself? i just replied to a post and now i am so upset because of what i wrote about myself and my family.

you know @Owlunar it hurts; it hurts so much to not have family (i know you know).

Oh @Owlunar what do i do? 😞

What you wrote on that other thread was fantastic @BlueBay -straight from the heart and it seems like it is getting easier for you to write it so succinctly also - that is a really positive step - although it does often leave you feeling a little vulnerable and deflated afterwards - hopefully the intensity of those feelings can begin to ease in time (I'm still working on this one too my friend).

I can't speak for the family you 'don't' have but your family here love you

I need to chat to someone on here -

i am feeling destructive, very bored and no one home except me.

it is raining, can't go for a walk or even outside

i am destructive, feeling like doing something impulsive

I'm here my friend - talk away @BlueBay

@Zoe7 my whole life is taking so much of me atm. my thoughts are racing, my thoughts are negative, i am home alone, i am so damn bored, i could be doing so much but can't.

i feel so self destructive right now. i can't believe how quick my emotions and thoughts can change in a matter of moments.

i have got up and walked around the house, but nothing is changing.

maybe this is just the way i will be forever. i don't know anymore.

i don't want to bother you @Zoe7 with my shit; you are not coping and it's not fair to put this on you.

I have told you before and I will tell you again now @BlueBay - when I chat to you I only see YOU - I don''t see your 'sh*t' - that is why I can be around for you - if I can't then I will tell you - it is as simple as that my friend.

It does really sound like your boredom is super exaggerting you thoughts and feelings - distractions are needed - have you put the lamb in the slow cooker?

What else can you make now to go with the lamb?

You can just chat here with me if that helps - about anything!

OK i am sorry @Zoe7, you have toldme before but i always feel that i am imposing on others.

thank you so much for just being here to chat right now.

Boredom sucks, i feel like crying so much but i am holding it all in for some reason.

lamb is in slow cooker, smells really nice. i guess i could get veggies ready for tonight. but i have no motivation to get up and do anything. oh i have a load of beach towels washing, now that today is raining i don't think we will be using them anytime soon.

i just want to cry.