not feeling good

I tried the helpline but it's busy @Maggie

@my anxiety is high again

I don't want to go to work tomorrow

I know I'm going to get this virus

im scared

I'm doing the cleaning if trolleys snd baskets

it's crap

ive got a headache

feels like it could become a migraine

Can you colour for a while @BlueBay ?

I've got that with me @Faith-and-Hope

I can't believe how anxious I am xx

Hey @BlueBay, sitting with you. It's great you're reaching out for support, I hope you're able to get through to the Helpline soon. You can always send them an email (helpline@sane.org) or you can book a call too.

Would it help to join the online discussion tonight @BlueBay . It’s about creativity, so it’s light. It might be a distraction.

I don't feel I could join now half way through @Maggie i might try the online chat again.
Thsnks for being here. Xxx

Ok @BlueBay . I think it’s finishing anyway. You might like to read through some time, when you feel less anxious l

I hope you touch base on the helpline. I’m heading offline now, my eyes need a rest.

Take care tonight. 💙💙💙

thanks @Maggie @Faith-and-Hope @Jynx for last night

I wish i had disappeared so i wouldn't have to deal with today. But i woke up, got dressed, had breakfast and drove to work. once i got there i started to clean the baskets and trolleys.

i did that for the whole 4 hour shift with a 15 min morning tea break.

I have a lot of 'alone' time while cleaning and i was getting anxious to the point that i thought i was going to pass out. i then started to think about a guy who was an inpatient same time as me and he has left us to suicide. i have been thinking about him, he was a nice guy.

then that brought me to think about me and how i would end it all. all the different possibilities.

i don't know how to tackle this as i have too much time alone in my head.

the front of shop manager (who i know for about 15 years) asked if i was going back to bakery. i told her no becasue of the heavy lifting and my wrist. i then mentioned to her that i would be happy to train at the registers. she replied 'leave it with me' and said something will come up soon. so i will get more shifts, i am sure. and also for summer i am sure i will get more. we are an extremely busy store as all the tourists come down and it is total chaos!!!

i am about to go and see the surgeon reg. wrist. see what he says.

i can now see what my anxiety does to me, it wants me to leave, run away, disappear and even suicide. just so i can ignore the situation. it's terrible.

i will come back later.

hi @MDT @outlander @Owlunar @Shaz51

@Owlunar i am very much thinking about you. i know yoiu are going in this week to have surgery, is it tomorrow?? xxx

Dropping off a cuppa @BlueBay 💙💙

Hi @Maggie

thanks for the cuppa. I needed one!!!

i saw the surgeon and he's not happy thst I'm in psin still. He said I should be able to do a lot mire without psin after 6 weeks. It's now 8 weeks. He ordered an ultrasound and hand therapy. I had the ultrasound straight away. I was lucky walked in and they did it straight away. But it took 2 sonographers to fi the ultrasound. Then they called the radiologist to do it and all I coukd understsbd was thst there is swelling or thickness. Then they decided to do the other hand to compare and took photos. I said to the lady "Hope I don't need surgery again" her response was "oh well just wait for the surgeon "

I reckon they know something but can't tell me.

if I need surgery again I'll be really anxious and upset. I can't have mire time off.
I have to ring surgeon tomo for results. I'm stressing. If it should be better then why isn't it. There is still a bit of swelling.
Hi 👋 @Faith-and-Hope @outlander @MDT @Shaz51 @Owlunar