Hi @BlueBay
Have you ever read back along your thread - you have been battling so hard and for so long I can assure you that you are not weak - you are anything but - a weak person would have hit the wall a long time ago - what would have happened to them - I have no idea - perhaps that person would be supported in a soul-destoying atmosphere somewhere - or maybe a long-term patient in a public hospital - or whatever happens to lost people - homelessness - who knows - or worse - I have never thought myself to go there and my life has been pretty tough too
And hey - what makes you think we are sick of you? I can't vouch for anyone else but a short while back I did read some of your thread and of course other people have written their supportive thoughts there - and of course - I will challenge you from time to time - I told you I would always tell you the truth and of course - this is - think of all the people who have stuck by you all this time - and then there are those who have for their own reasons moved on from this forum - they cared too
And also - Dr Phil said this not long ago - and more than many times I am sure - whatever other people think of us is not our business - if they are sick of us or judge us or think whatever they think - they can - and we can't stop them. And they might be wrong or in a bad mood or just plain cruel but it is not up to us - we are the judge and jury of our own lives and it's time to stop giving yourself a hard time - the imaginary comments of people you have in your life don't matter because the chances are most people are too busy thinking about themselves - and guess what - they are worried about what we are thinking of them.
I had a bad day yesterday - I had a huge disappointment - I didn't feel well - this is life - I curled up in my chair with the wheat pack reheated several times and thought about life and dosed off for a while and went for a walk and in the evening felt better. Sometimes I sit in that chair with the wheat pack working its magic on my spine and think - and allow the thoughts to filter through my brain. What went wrong yesterday is history now and - yeah - I think we are all sick and tired of the lock-down, the COVID-19 curve, curse and whatever comes next. It's become a brain-blast we are all sick and tired of by now - but it will be history too
And in time your kids will move out and move on and you will be unhappy about that too - life doesn't work very well for you does it? This is true for a lot of people - getting older was a very good thing for me - I feel better about everything now - even the bad days
You will be okay - of course you are sick and tired of your life - and if you look back to the first post on this thread you were in "run-away mode" and you still are. For some reason you don't run away - not that it's a bad thing if you have a plan.
You need a plan - you need something to look forward to - you have already told us lots of times what you want and what you don't want so you know - my suggestion is to focus on that and work toward that -
I really care about you and I am not telling you off - just saying how it is
Sending hugs
Dec
