not feeling good

Thsnks @Former-Member i hope you have a nice day too. Chst later xxx

Hi @Former-Member and others @Maggie @Angels333 @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Gazza75 @MDT abd others

I need your advice pls. I've received a text message from girl I used to work with. They have organised a farewell dinner for this Thursday.
but to be honest I don't want to go. I'm anxious about going. I do miss them but for some I don't want to go.

Should I go? am I been silly?
I guess I'll be ok once I'm there. But I just can't be bothered.

Thsnks @MDT I'll prob end up going. And I will most likely be ok once there.
home todsy. Hubby has gone out with his mate to a car show over 1 1/2 hr away. He won't be home till tonight.
ive got A fir a few hours while my D and her partner went out for breakfast. A still has a cold but was happy to draw abd helped me make choc cupcakes. Now we're watching Peppa pig.
she'll prob go home soon.
I need to buy something for dinner.
hope everyone is having a nice day ❤️❤️❤️
@Maggie @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Angels333 @Molliex and others following

My back is sore

laying flat in bed

supposed to have walked yesterday and today but haven't

I get so angry because everytime I tell myself to do something I don't do it

A has gone home now she needs a sleep

gosh I can't be bothered to do anything today

anither bad night waking up at 1.45am. Took a while to get back to sleep. That's 4 nights now.
I need to go and buy dinner but can't be bothered

this is how I'm feeling right now:

feeling down is nothing new for me

i wish my life was easy and free

the ranting & raving is always about me

I'm sick of all this why can't I just be me

the clouds are black

hanging over me

I don't know if I'll ever be free

its not fair for me

i can't escape the thoughts in my head

it goes over and over with dread

i want to fight and scream at it

but then it's all just shit

i am a good wife, mum, worker and friend

if only I could see it

but it doesn't matter now

some days I just want to go

far away from this life

maybe there is another life out there

if only I wasn't the way I am

things would be different

without any plans

but it's never ending

this life of mine

I sometimes just want it all to stop

the pain the memories the thoughts and dreams

it still haunts me

tears are flowing

it seems I'm like this everyday

i can't get a break

for goodness sake

feeling so lonely in my head

it's already been said

I don't really know what to say

wish I could just fly away

❤️❤️❤️

Your poem is beautiful @BlueBay So poignant and real. Its odd isnt it, how we can so accurately express ourselves through a poem.

Shame your back is playing up now. I know youve had little A for a couple of days now. Its possible youve done more than you should. Littlies require so much attention, and we dont think twice about picking them up, running after them, etc. She is no longer a little bub, and would be quite heavy now.

So I think youve earned a rest now. And any feelings of guilt about that should be banished from your mind.

Perhaps you could work on some more poetry? You clearly have talent.

Sherry 💕

Thanks @Former-Member @MDT

I think I did too much eith A. Been not well she wanted me to hold her. And sit with her. She's so funny - she told her Uncle "you're bossy" !!! and then she says to him "you're funny" 😂

oh I love her so much. The love I have for her is way more than I expected. We have this amazing bond.
I don't think I ever remember my kids saying to their Nonna (my mum) that they love her. A tells me all the time.

poetry is my way of expressing myself. My thoughts are deep and sometimes my writing/poem is deep too.
im going to write one about little Ayla.

I think thats highly likely @BlueBay

I think its beautiful the very special relationship you obviously have with A.

I would love to read your poem about A if you feel like sharing. Once its done of course. I too find poetry to be a very raw and honest way of expressing myself. Sometimes too honest .. and not suitable to share.

But Im sure your poem about A will be full of love and light .. just as she is.

Sherry 💕

@MDT @Former-Member @Maggie @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Gazza75 @Angels333 @Molliex @CheerBear @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 @Appleblossom and others following

My little Ayla ❤️❤️

I'm a nonna ❤️❤️

the day I saw you

you were 6 hours old

I held you in my arms

snd my heart melted

my heart opened up to you

for I could see you were my dream

a year ago I had of you

it now seems so surreal

the feeling I have when I hold you

is pure love straight from my heart

I hold you tight and feel your heart beating

I see your first smile your words and your love to us all

you give your mum and dad so much joy

you're a caring little soul

a smart little girl for your age

always wanting to hug and touch a newborn baby

snd yet that was you two years ago

so soft snd cuddly

your nature is beautiful to see

you're my little angel

I love when we play together

you make me cups of tea

you pretend to wash my hair

and today you put pretend lipstick on

we cook together

you love going out in the garden to pick the red "mato" tomatoes

oh how you love seeing things grow

I know one day in the future you will be a great big sister

you will love and care so much for your baby brother or sister

you love helping your mummy

and it's funny that you won't kiss daddy hello after work as he has paint all over him

you tell him "daddy dirty"

but then you love when both of you play together after tea

you give me strength

you give me hope when some days I don't see it

you cheer me up

when I'm so down

whether you call me

or face time me

every morning and every night

I love it snd always wait for your call

I love our hugs

our cuddles in my bed

because I know you are growing up too quickly

and one day I'll miss all this

but the love for you my darling

will always be there for you

forever and ever

so for now I'm going to give you so much love kisses and hugs

for you are my little angel

and light up my life

my beautiful little Ayla ❤️
love you with all my heart

your caring nonna ❤️❤️❤️