not feeling good

I have read your post several times @BlueBay - and I don't really know what to say

But I can tell you that I didn't sucessfully end our marriage until the third try - we need to prepare for such an event and it's not easy

But it's better than being in a really crap situation and feeling bad about yourself all the time as you do - and yes - you are honest here and no one is judging you

There is so much I don't understand about BPD - but I will tell you this about my own life

The separation was okay - and it would have stayed okay if that was it - but not so - the process of property settlement and divorce brought out the worst in both of us and it was horrible

But all the years later I am really glad I did it - I have never for one moment regretted it

For you - maybe just let it sift through your mind gradually and don't make any excuses - after all - we can't see the future and we can't change the past

I'm really sorry I can't be more useful

Dec

Not coping

had a psychology session this morning

triggering stuff

heightened anger

at the beach alone

wish I could drown away

Hey there @BlueBay 🌻

Sounds like a really heavy morning.

The forum community is here for you!

If you need someone to speak to more urgently, please do reach out:

Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Samaritans: 13 52 47

Take care.

Jupiter

Wouldnt want you to do that @BlueBay . I like having you around you see. 😀

So I will sit with you for a while if you like? You can talk if it helps, or we can sit in companionable silence as we sit on the beach and look out to sea.

Allow your anger to ebb and flow and gently drift away with the tide. Leaving behind a sense of peace and tranquility. Breathe BB .. In, out, count as you go. This will pass.

Sherry

I'm going hime @Former-Member

today's session we talked about my mum and how she has hurt me

I still get angry

I don't think I'll ever get better and I'm scared

I'm sorry I know you're going through a tough time atm. I hope you're ok.

I will go home and make a coffee

so much stress atm

terrible time of year

Okay @BlueBay 😀 ☕ 💖

Thinking of you @BlueBay ❤

Hi again @Jupiter @Former-Member

outside in my deck with a coffee

we talked about my previous psychologist and how he crossed the line and abused my emotionally. And he gave me a hug. He portrayed thst he was a "friend" and told me personal stuff if his life.i looked forward to going each week have a coffee together and Chst. He took advantage of my vulnerability.
and after five years he cut me off instantly. Without a few weeks notice he told me he couldn't help me snymire. After everything we talked about. How dare he wait 5 yrs and take my money. He stepped over the boundary and it made me worse.
my psychologist I have was shocked today to learn if the things he would do and say. She said I could if I want to put a formal complaint.

I still remember the night he told me he couldn't see me snymire.
it all cane bsvk - abandonment rejection fear hste.
it must have been my fault.

i will never forget thst night.

I just finished a cup of tea on my back deck too @BlueBay , and was thinking of you.

I dont recall reading about this incident with your previous psychologist from 5 years ago. Have you spoken about it on here before? Perhaps its a good thing that this has been brought up now with your current psych. It must be something which has been troubling you for some time, and little wonder it is. It sounds like an abuse of trust in many ways, followed by abandonment. Both of these you have had more than your share of in the past ... between your brother, your mother and now I learn ... your former psych as well. To give him credit, it sounds as though he did the right thing in the end by saying he could no longer treat you. He may well have crossed the line of professional etiquette, and realised it. But it most definitely could have been done in a more sensitive and professional manner than how it occurred. Especially when he would have known you have an issue with abuse of trust and abandonment issues. I understand your anger with him. You probably feel he wasted 5 years of your life and you made yourself emotionally vulnerable ... and you spent a lot of money in an effort to help your MH. Much of that went out the window when he abandoned you so instantly. I have to say that I feel sure that is a very rare occurence within an industry which has the potential to take advantage of vulnerable people. On the whole I believe all is okay within the industry. Of course you can go down the line of putting in a formal complaint to the professional body of psychologists, but what would you wish to achieve? Perhaps its best to talk it over, digest what happened, and try to move on under the guidance of your current psych. Just know it wasnt your fault that happened. You were vulnerable and looking for answers, looking for someone who could help. You have many incidents in your life that you will likely never forget. Some bad, but many good. Birth of your children and your grandchildren, birthdays of both, wonderful holidays, your wedding day etc. There will be many others which only you will know of I expect. But try to think instead of those happy memories, rather than this occasion where your trust was broken .. again.

Sherry

Hi @Former-Member

no I haven't mentioned this before.

I think talking about the old psychologist stirred things up today. I was angry at his brhsviour. I was very vulnerable and didn't cope well when he stopped the sessions. I was driving home sobbing so much thst I was abandoned thst I called the CAT team.
I won't tske this any further. there's no point. I guess if I was going to I should have when he hugged me.
I'm going to concentrate on my new psychologist. She is very caring.
she makes me see things a different way.
we did a timeline tiday of when I was 20 30 40 abd 50

we worked out that my mentsl health prob started in my teenage years. I was told by a hospital dictir to see a psych but mum cancelled the appt. it then escalated in my 30's when we lost my FIL abd MIL moved in a week after we had our third bsby. I had a 4 yr 3yr old and MIL home. Oh abd hubby was home for 5 years as he had terrible arthritis and couldn't wirk. He is much better now.
we talked about post natal depression and I feel I may have had it. So much stress at that time.
then 40's was ehen my childhood abuse came out.
so I guess I've suffered mental health since my teenage years. But never diagnosed.

You're right I need to think of all the good things in my life.