not feeling good

@BlueBay I’m so sorry to hear of your MIL’s state of health. I have been a bit “unplugged” for about a week, not having a great time myself so haven’t been on the forums much - which

means I have only just now caught up on your news.

It’s terrible watching a family member pass, I know you have a lot of love for her, but how beautiful that she has a loving family to send her on her way.

Dementia is so cruel, and with her passing she will be free of this terrible disease. I’m not religious, I don’t know what happens after we die, but I choose to believe we go somewhere beautiful and meet with our loved ones that went before us.

Sending you lots of love and gentle hugs my friend ❤️❤️

@Razzle @Shaz51 @MDT @Owlunar @Gazza75 @Maggie @Molliex @Zoe7 @Former-Member

@Faith-and-Hope

and others I’ve forgotten

I wish I could sleep. I just need a whole night sleep. Today I’m home it’s a public holiday. Think I’m running on auto pilot at the moment.

I had a session with my psychologist yesterday which was good timing.

We talked about MIL. We talked about my mum and it came up thst a lot of my anger towards her is because I never had the love as a child. And then when I told her of the abuse I got zero support no love no hugs and more importantly no sorry 😢😢

my therapist agreed that this is clearly affecting me.

We talked about intimacy and she said I have this boundary around me that won’t let others in. She said as soon as hubby touches me I push him away - this is my protection somehow.

She thought that Msybe fear of something is holding me back. There is something really strong there.

I told her about the job application and I’m thinking of pulling out. She suggested I go fir it. We talked about my current job and she said if I got this job I may love it, meet new people. She also said that she does see a current worker from this dept.

this job is where she works as well as my dietitian.

I told her I hate stepping away from my comfort zone. But she said doing this could be a really good thing for me.

She was worried about my mental state before I left snd asked a few questions.

So glad I saw her yesterday.

I will try hard to stsy busy today. Think I will go fir my morning walk later. That I’m enjoying.

Thankyou all fir being here. I’m so grateful that I’ve got friends here to hold my hand, support me and just to listen to me. I would be so alone without you all. ❤️❤️

@BlueBay Your appointment yesterday sounds very positive. There really is so much hard work to do after childhood/ any abuse, so many unexpected related affects. You are doing the best you can, that’s all you can ever do.

Could you let the new job decision take its course. If you get it, gently walk into it.? It could be a blessing in disguise.

You are a friend who walks beside us also @BlueBay mutual feelings there . I hope you walk is refreshing today. 💜💕💜💕

Hey @BlueBay that sounds like a really positive appointment. It sounds like you've got a good relationship with your pdoc. I hope you can continue to work through things with her.

Here with you 🌻💕🌺

Hope you can get out for your morning walk. Well done on such a positive appointment. It's a good idea to stay busy. Thinking of you. Take care 🙂

@BlueBay If your place is anything like here, it’s a lovely day for a walk so I hope you feel well enough to get out into this beautiful day.

Sounds like your appointment yesterday went well. I’m really missing my councillor, I wish I was able to see

him again but I’ve lost trust in him and going back won’t achieve much. I feel like I’ve lost a best friend, I was able to talk to him about anything, now I just feel like I’ve been silenced again.

I hope you can enjoy your day off, it’s so quiet here as its the public holiday.

Take care my friend ❤️❤️

Hi @Razzle will you be looking at another psychologist? I understand how you must be feeling without the support.

It must be so difficult to not have someone apart from here to chat to.

Hugs my friend ❤️❤️

@BlueBay I don’t think I’ll be looking for another councillor. They’re few and far between here, as it was I had to travel quite a bit to see him. I’m feeling pretty burned at the moment, I don’t think I could put myself back in that

pisition again.

Did you get out for your walk this morning?

I such dropped in to let you know I'm thinking of you @BlueBay

This is a really hard time for you and your family - my mother had a stroke and lingered for days in similar conditions to your MIL - it can't last forever but living on the edge yourself waiting is hard yards -

I am sending my best wished to you and your family - there's not much to say except that we care

Dec

I'm with you

Yeah I did go for a walk with my D. We stopped at a cafe for coffee and then a park for A to play. It is now pouring. Had to put heater on.

I got really angry earlier tidsy. I wanted revenge and hurt people. I wanted to hurt badly the guys that hurt me. I wanted to day dge them like they damaged me.

I wxnted payback.

Im ok for now but I think a lot of things st the moment are triggering me.

Its a real shame you can’t get to find another therapist.

@MDT @Gazza75 @Shaz51 @Zoe7

@Owlunar @Maggie @Molliex @Gazza75 Thsnk you ❤️❤️

Hubby and I have sat down and written a draft eulogy. And he has gone through some old photos of his mum.

I don’t know what to do with her bracelet she is wearing. Do we go sgsin and take it off or do we let the funeral directors know to give it to us. It’s all too much to think of. And also the logistics as she is in nursing home and is an hour away from church we wznt to use snd cemetery is on other side of Melbourne.

Never had to do sll this. It’s causing anxiety with hubby and I.