not feeling good

Why does life have to be do hard?

husband shitty snd huffing and puffing. Cooks lunch and cracks it because it wasn’t right.

Anyway im not going walking. It’s rainjng. And I really can’t be bothered snymore

@BlueBay

I just potted some new succulents and repotted some baby ones and it is raining here to now

That’s good @Shaz51 i do like succulents.

Shaz I’m really angry tiday but can’t pinpoint why

really angry

Hi everyone @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Owlunar @Gazza75 @Zoe7 @MDT

@Faith-and-Hope and others

this morning I intended to go fir a walk. Instead hubby and I went fir a drive to the areas that are cheaper to live. Nit so sure about these areas. It’s really hard. We ended up arguing in the car and I shut down. I was really angry with him, me, my family and life.

Came home and after lunch I had a sleep

Then I put chicken in the oven and decided to go fir a walk. I asked hubby and he was laying down and said no it’s ok.

Great I went on my own with music on. I ended up walking for about 45 mins.

I was happy that I did go because I wasn’t going to.

Well done on going for that walk @BlueBay 👍🏃🚶💐

Tidsy has been a difficult day.

Just saw my psychologist and spoke about my inner child. I don’t want to do this anymore. Csnt cry for an hour. I’m exhausted emotional and want to lash out. I want to sh so I can show my doctor what it feels like. I want him to understand me.

What if I never get better.

I so need to lash out. I cried out so much anger but still have more.

@Former-Member @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Gazza75 @Zoe7 @MDT @Faith-and-Hope and ithers folliwing

Hi @BlueBay

Not sure what to say, but, I feel some of your pain and frustration.

Maybe you can go for a walk and clear your head that way a little?

I don't think SH is going to help your doctor understand.

Maybe you could have fewer sessions as you seem to be picking at the same wound continously? Seems to Me that some of this is doing more harm than good. I can't imagine the toll it takes on you and your family each time.

I know sometimes that this may be necessary and if you feel that its doing you good then you should keep doing it, but, maybe its time to rethink and assess again? Please don't think i'm telling you what to do, i've never been in your situation. I'm just being honest about how I see it. I worry that this is how you seem to feel after your sessions and its horrible.

Have you got any further with looking at going to the gym?

I'm round for another hour or two if you want to vent or talk.

Thank you @Gazza75

I am too confused. But a part of me doesn’t want to go sgsin. This one I’m seeing is a trauma therapist dealing eith childhood sexual abuse. BUT I think I’m tired of rehashing. I can’t do it.

Think I will see the hospital psychologist as it’s free and I’m not traumatised.

I’m so emotional. My body is aching.

I phoned my doctor and told him I was going to sh. He talked to me and said that would not be good idea. He’s not sure that this trauma therspy is htlpung me as I am wirse after each session.

I now want to hibernate from life from my family.

It’s so draining. 😢😢😢

Hi @BlueBay

I really agree with @Gazza75 that you are picking the wound - something people do - something I have done - and it leads nowhere and only causes ourselves pain and serves nothing

And self-harm - that proves nothing either - people know you are in pain - you don't need to do that to show anyone

You can't change the past and you are only giving power to your abusers when you keep on doing this - yes - you may need to have an occasional session with a therapist about your abusers but imo you have more important work to do about your marriage

This is so hard on you - I have my own demons to confront atm and I know that sometimes this can be overwhelming and life seems to contrive at times to bring it all up

But you need to let it go - because nothing can be changed - only you can change

And accepting it doesn't mean it didn't happen or that it's not important - it is - but not to the point where it is just destroying you

I'm sorry - but it is what it is - such a tough issue

Dec

@BlueBay I have to agree with @Gazza75 here Hon. I have watched you go over and over the same ground for so long now and there does not seem any end or respite at all for you with your therapy from your thoughts or your past. From where I sit and what I have seen over the last ciuple of years these sessions appear to be continually re-traumatising you and yet you are given no ways to deal with all that that are working for you. After every session you seem worse than before you went in and that makes me wonder if this is actually good for you. There is no way we can move forward or 'get better' if the same ground is being continually revisited every session and the outcome is the same ...that you feel like there is no hope and no way forward.

At the risk of offending you I have to say that you need to take some control over your own thoughts and emotions as well. You have to want to move forward and this constant 'going back' is affecting you so much that you appear to be back to square one with each appointment.

As for your gp - SH will not show them anymore than you are hurting - it will not give them insight into your thoughts and the only one you will be hurting is yourself. No-one else can feel that pain for you but no-one else can take steps to avoid that pain either.

What you are doing is allowing the abuse to take over your life and in that respect those who abused you are winning. You cannot change the past but you can be the architect of the future - and one without these people in your life. It is not easy but the only way forward is to live in the now and not continually allow others to shape your life. You are stronger than that and have enough in our life to deal with without letting those people that hurt you continue to rule your life. Moving forward often means letting go - that does not mean you forget and certainly does not mean your forgive but this is destroying you BB and maybe it is time to take a break and/or find someone that can help with strategies to deal with it rather than continually rehashing it all.