not feeling good

Cry if you need to - take some slow deep breathes and snuggle in for the night

Here if you need my friend

Zoe

Its overtheedge lol.

I have experienced the same as @Appleblossom - it did take time to accept the good feelings. Don't worry @BlueBay, it takes time. Don't be sorry as this is not about me. I am good. Worry not. My struggles are many and most don't know how I cope, but to me they are challenges to overcome. So far so good. And what will be will be. I am good.

I am worried for you. I like to see you happy like you were when focusing on the good things in your life such as your grandchild and planned trips and outings. This was helping you to improve. But as appleblossom said our old feelings can drag behind which drags us back. It just about not letting them or anger take over by refocusing on the good before us for healing to ever take place. It's up to us really what we choose to do here.

I won't bother you again my friend but wish you Sweet dreams, hoping you feel better in the morning and wishing you all the happiness you can find in the future. Take care

@Former-Member

Sorry @Former-Member I knew who you were, it was becasue I was using my phone and you can't tag someone on the phone. 🙂

@Zoe7@Appleblossom

I'm still angry, didn't sleep well last night. The dog vomitted a little bit on the carpet (of all places) and so last night my son cleaned it up and i put down carpet stain remover/cleaner.

Bujt i got really pissed off with hubby because i was showing him something on my phone and by the time he got it he had to press cancel to see what i wanted him to see. He had no idea of what to press, he is so computer/i phone illlerate and then i was i guess angry and with BPD it doesn't take much. So i said give just press cancel, can't you see the word cancel. my daughter pipes up and says 'you're so mean' to which he then replies 'yeah she is' and throws the phone back to me on the lounge. i cracked it and said i was showing you something and all you had to do was press cancel. so i did it again gave him the phone and he threw it back to me. So i got up and said 'i'm going to bed' and walked off hearing him say 'aren't you watching the rest of the show' and i said i am tired. he then says oh you've cracked it, now you're shitty.

Damn right i am shitty. then this morning he leaves for work and i can always hear and feel him kiss my face when he leaves. no this morning he kisses the air next to my face not even touching me at all.

and then i wake up to all the dishes in the draining board dry, i have to put them all away before i even start my breakfast; to then find the dog's mess on the carpet was still not cleaned up. and a tissue on top of it!!!

so i am leaving there. i am not cleaning it. i put all dishes away, made my breakfast and cleaned the kitchen. i am not doing anymore. i feel like a slave around here at times, do this do that. they (incl kids/adults) leave sh''t everywhere. and how many times have i told them to pick up.

sometimes when i feel like i just want to go away forever, disappear. it just sh//ts me.

I wonder if my week of happiness has gone. i think that i am so negative, hard on myself and i don't know why - maybe i deserve it from whoever.

you know it's hard sometimes, i cried so much this morning, i held my head tight, i hit the pillow hard; i tried to hug myself but it didn't work. and now theres' more tears.

damn this depression, life and everything that goes with it. 😞

@BlueBay Your happiness will come back my friend - you just have to ride this little period out. Sometimes the 'down' periods seem even worse because you know how good the happy ones feel and you wonder why it can't be like that all the time. Our expectations often excede the reality and when these are not fully met the disappointment sets in. This is often really hard to deal with. You have had a really big week - so much going on - cut yourself some slack my friend - you deserve to be happy.