How to engage / stay engaged in handling mental health?

Cheers @nervouswreck

I'm not really sure what to tell you mate, I mean I understand what you're saying logically, but that doesn't really matter because I can't apply it emotionally. I don't know how I'll make the next appointment, or the next week or how I'll get through today, no matter how fine you slice it.

One day, a while back now I didn't brush my teeth in the morning one day, and I just stopped brushing my teeth for years, I ended up having a root canal before I started again. That's how all of this stuff feels, like the second I slip up I'll just disengage.

I get the comfort zone stuff, it all makes sense too me. But I just don't ever feel comfortable, I feel completely overwhelmed in my room, sitting on my chair listening to my favorite music. I feel pushed too far just existing.

As far as the drinking goes, I get it's not helping long term, that probably goes for all the substances I use. But it makes the time go by faster, even when it makes me angrier or sadder, it's less overwhelming and that's so hard to pass up whenever I've got the opportunity.

To be honest, I kinda feel like I'm not able to articulate myself properly on this, maybe I'll think about how to ask the question better because I feel like we're talking past each other and it's just adding to my stress.

Thanks anyway guys.

Hi @Former-Member

Sorry to hear you're struggling. Is there anything we can do to help support you? Please let us know. I can hear how hard it is for you right now.

Warmest wishes

Hanami

Thanks @hanami

I don't think so though, I spend a fair amount of time on every message like 20-40 min trying to make sure it makes sense outside of my head. But it doesn't come across how I mean it, even when I know what I want I can't get that across to other people, and I just get frustrated. And sometimes I get what I want and it wasn't what I needed anyway. So thank you but I don't think there's anything you can do for me at the moment.

I do really appreciate all the kindness and everyone sharing their perspective though.

Hi @Former-Member

Your articulation seems excellent to me, and I typed out this reply before remembering you said talking about it stressed you out further. It is hard to talk about this stuff. Let me know if you want to take a break from it and I'll give you some space. But I'm hoping what I typed can be valuable.

You've said several phrases that I experience myself. The difference between what's logical and what's emotional can be vast. It's a constant battle I fight in my own mind, when I know what needs to happen logically but the emotional side is just screaming to run the other way. It's exhausting having to do battle with your own brain. Some days you feel like you just can't make worthwhile progress, and that's when you have to be kind to yourself, and forgive. It's a bad day, hopefully tomorrow is better. This is all WAY easier said than done and I'm giving you advice that I often fail to follow myself. But it's advice I've heard from multiple people in my support network including qualified psychologists, and when I do succeed then it definitely works.

Fear of slipping up and losing a good habit forever is not one I've had personally but a friend uses self-neglect as a signal for his depression. Not doing a basic self-care task means you need to try extra hard to do all the "right" habits that will help you. You won't lose it forever if you put in the work as soon as you notice yourself slipping.

Have found the same with drinking, in the moment it helps A LOT. For a couple of hours I'm "cured", I can escape, and have a break from my struggles. But the next day I am irritable and craving the same sort of release. I tried resisting the urge, and if I can manage not drinking at all for 4-5 days my mood improves. I then realised it's a cycle I don't want for myself. I haven't quit entirely but my consumption is much less. It has been difficult to cut back.

As for being overwhelmed just sitting in your room.. that really sucks and I have felt like that as well. Is your mind is elsewhere, thinking about other problems that seem insurmountable? I have a "what if" machine that is exceedingly difficult to turn off, and it comes up with all kinds of catastrophes that I'm sure will come true. The catastrophes of course spike my adrenaline/cortisol, and then I'm in an anxiety attack that's hard to get out of. None of the catastrophes have come true so far, but the machine is sure it's right about the next one.

The best help I have found for this is meditation. I have some guided ones on Insight Timer app that I go to, and sometimes I have had to do the same meditation 3 or 4 times in a row before I could calm down. Meditation is another coping skill that I tried for a long time and had no success with, but finally something has clicked and it works, but slowly. And I need to do it at least once daily (at least twice if it's a workday) or the effectiveness drops. When you succeed in meditating, your mind is purely concentrating on the exercise. It's a flow state, and all your worries disappear during the practice.

You don't wanna know how long I spent typing, reading, editing, re-reading, re-editing this message... LOL. I'm always worried I'm saying something upsetting, or implying I have THE correct answer or that any of this is easy.

Hang in there. There are lots of other people who struggle and are also trying to figure it out. Many of them, you would have no idea by talking to them. We are excellent at hiding our struggles, but it often helps to talk it out when you have someone supportive to do it with. Indeed, one of the psychologists's exercises is "what would you say to a close friend in this situation?". It makes you take a different perspective for a moment and that can be helpful.

@nervouswreck

Re articulation, it might seem that way, but you still don't understand what I was trying to say. And I don't know how to explain it better.

My situation I think is more complex than you understand, I appreciate it and I see it's well meaning but I don't really want to get better. I just don't have a way out anymore. Thank you and sorry

@Former-Member Thank you and I am sorry for adding to your stress.

Your kindness and consideration for others radiates despite your struggles, it is an admirable trait.

@nervouswreckIt's all good mate I'm just all over the place and I do appreciate you trying to help out.

Thanks mate, right back at ya.

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Edit: Little bit of additional context about what's going on for me, you didn't know so don't beat yourself up about it.

- Professional help I've had has been so far at least all pretty bad and in some cases traumatic.
- I've never been able to do meditation despite a lot of trying, dad's always been into it and tried to get me into it when I was little but I just get overwhelmed.
- I've got a what if machine too but it's memories and delusions and everything else as well, it's as much things that happened in the distant past or might in the distant future as it is the things happening now.
- I've never established any healthy habits, everything I do that might look like self-care is pretty much just fueled by shame

- I began using alcohol/drugs as my primary way of handling my mental health in highschool, I've never really known any other way of handling it, I'm under no illusion that it's a good way of handling it but it's not really an active choice I'm making anymore either.

- I don't really have a support network, my reaction to not being able to explain how I feel is usually anger and I can be pretty nasty when I'm angry, online I can usually filter it but opening up in person or over the phone usually means losing friends, having family members distance themselves, etc. without really feeling any relief of my own.
- I get easily overwhelmed by pretty much everything social, I don't use social media or forums or anything like that, this is the first thing like it I've used in the better part of a decade.

- I get that I need to keep trying at a lot of the stuff that doesn't feel like it works, but when I get really overwhelmed I basically can't do anything including work.

Adding to all of this a while back now I tried taking the quick way out and failed. Adding possible brain damage and a deep fear of further damage to everything else. I never really got any better after that, I was just too scared to try again.

@Former-Member I got the first part without the edit as a notification and came here to give you a thumbs up then I saw the context.

You’ve had a very rough time

of things. Sharing your story and being here demonstrates courage and resilience.

That’s a real pity about the professional help. I’ve had some medical specialists be downright dismissive, and it is very harmful. I’ve had some useless psychologists “be more mindful” yeah thanks.. but thankfully I’ve found a couple of others who have been better since then.

People are fiendishly complex beings but it’s still a shame someone has to bounce around so much trying to find help that works.

The older I get the more I realise that we’re all just kids in adult bodies trying to figure things out. Anyone who thinks they have it all sorted probably isn’t very smart, they don’t know what they don’t know. I’m old enough to be called “middle-aged” and I’m still learning about friendships, relationships and myself. I’m still making a ton of mistakes, not least of which is setting unreasonably high standards for myself and then failing to reach them (oh the irony). Lots of shame attached to that.

Social media is a hellscape best avoided. Most of it is toxic one way or another. Real community is way better - the people in your street, volunteer organisations, hobby groups etc.

Forgive yourself for past actions, and make the best of what you have going forwards. I have incredibly loud tinnitus and it made my life hell for several years. Naturally I blamed myself heavily for damaging my ears. I had one good psychologist who helped me at least begin to accept the noise rather than trying desperately to escape it (which never works). By the time you hit “middle age” you will discover that everyone is carrying some kind of ailment. All my friends have some kind of long-standing issue (either physical or mental). Sucks not to be 25 any more 🙂

Despite all this, there is beauty and pleasure and enjoyment to be found in the world. I just have to go on a bushwalk and look at places that have been “doing their thing” for thousands or millions of years and it reminds me that modern society is a pretty weird construct.

Thanks @nervouswreck I appreciate all this.

As far as adults just being kids, yeah I've heard that from a lot of people, definitely feels true to me.

Social media is a hellscape no arguments there, but it's also where everything in my generation is and where a lot of it's culture was formed. I guess that's somewhat unique to the younger generations and I dunno what the answer to that is.

I guess I might have to live that one, I'm 25 now 😛

I gotta say mate I think my brain is just wired different, but I do love it out in the bush and modern society is a weird thing no doubt.