I can’t find peace

I think you may have answered your own question.

The school environment was triggering for you. Whilst for others, it could've been fine, for you, it was a trigger. Just because this didn't work out, it doesn't mean it's because you can't do the work.

Other options may be in mental health areas, drug and alcohol places etc... there will be less people, and maybe less triggering. @creative_writer

@tyme, I want closure but I am scared of talking to task supervisor, he probably won’t want to talk to me. If he wanted to, he would’ve spoken to me.

I guess maybe I should just move forward from here. Research looks like a good option for me right now

That's okay. Do what you feel is right for you @creative_writer .

It's not that a workplace etc is not good, but more that it's not the right fit.

Don't see it as you not being 'good enough'. Good on your even giving it a go and persisting when it was difficult.

@tyme, we all make mistakes, I just want a closure call. I want to end on a better note, but I am just afraid he is done with me.

It was hard, I would go home crying, sometimes I felt like a kid. I would see parts of myself in some of the kids

Give yourself some space @creative_writer . It's reasonable that you are feeling upset and that you want closure.

I hear you.

Hugs @creative_writer

@tyme, I don’t even want an angry call, I am done with the anger, I feel too exhausted to fight. I want to get feedback and give feedback. The last conversation was pretty rough, I don’t want to end on that. I don’t want a bad ending, I rather have a better end, even if I am leaving.

I remember being that kid, the one who was always scared and never felt safe. Who always felt judged and lost. I know I am in no way up to doing a school placement, I couldn’t have predicted this

Go for it @creative_writer . I think it's a good idea. Maybe speak to your uni about it?

However, knowing schools, I don't think it'll mean much.

But this doesn't have to stop you from providing feedback.

@tyme, I’m still getting SH urges. Childhood trauma was probably the reason I started SH too. It’s probably me being triggered. Not entirely sure what to do about it

I hear you are still having these urges. What can you do to distract yourself tonight @creative_writer ?

There can be a whole lot of reasons what has happened as happened. Without blaming yourself or anyone else, I hope you find a way to work through some of this hurt. Would speaking to a professional about it help you?

@tyme, I can talk to someone about the trauma that keeps floating in my brain once I get the opportunity to. I also hope my meds are okay, I’ve had moments when I needed PRN because I was going into a mixed state.

I think I’ll go to sleep, coughing fits are never fun. Must have gotten the flu or something.

Goodnight 💖